Thank you for your helpful responses. Sometimes I feel like the attachment/transference junk means I am broken and that I may never be able to overcome it. Usually, if I recognize that I am beginning to feel maternal transference, I will distance or cut myself off from that person completely. I failed to do that recently, thinking that I was in a safe relationship, wherein the other person was well-aware of my history and had background and knowledge of these things. They kept saying that everything was fine, but it wasn't, and then the hammer came down. The things stated made me feel like a FREAK. I was told that I must be, "trying too hard," at relationships. I'm terribly afraid to let that happen again. I know it was my fault for getting close and allowing myself to be vulnerable in the first place, and likely expecting too much. This was in no way sexual, btw. I was raised by an emotionally abusive and unavailable mother and I instinctively feel like I have a screaming, raging, child inside of me who wants something that she cannot have. I've heard it all. You have to grieve and move on. Mother yourself. Be to yourself/others what you wanted. You can get your needs met through multiple relationships, in various ways. I am aware of these things. They are easier said than done, and as long as I don't end up in a vulnerable position, or come to trust someone enough to be open, then I don't struggle as much. But, I cannot run from my T and I know that I need help. I have a history of sexual abuse among the other junk that I am weeding through. It overwhelms me.
