Was my therapist now my best friend

[littleoc]

I would never do report her bc I am an adult and made the decision to be friends too.

Just adding/reminding that there was a huge power difference between you, and in therapy or other kinds of health professions, the client is very vulnerable. That's the whole reason this is unethical. And if she has been trained as a psychologist, she has been made aware of this fact more than once.

Just pointing that out for you. You can't blame yourself for this. It won't help you.

 

[Bird33]

@NightSky You make a very good point. I should look at it that way. I guess I struggle with it bc I am an adult with a lot of responsibilities. I don’t have time for this.
@littleoc thank you, your right she had and has a lot of the power.

 

[EveHarrington]

....but do you realize that she is held to a higher standard than you are?

I’m not saying you should report her, but she is the one in the wrong, not you. You aren’t breaking the rules. She is.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Bird33 - I know you agree with all the advice here. I think everyone has been very understanding of how the dynamics of this relationship have worked. It's not healthy - you have agreed with this. You don't like it and want out.

Okay...

What do you think you can do now - having heard lots of advice and suggestions. What are you going to do?

 

[Bird33]

@blackemerald1 You are right I have gotten a lot of great ideas and support. I really appreciate it.

So I will say this, I wish I didn’t have the ambience that I have. I wish I was just like this is wrong and I wish I could get angry and just end it but that’s not the way it is. I don’t do anger and I am ambivalent.

That being said I am planning activities with my other friends and husband. I am trying to delay getting back to her in texts and calls. I keep saying to myself that I don’t need her and I’m okay. I am talking about it here and with my new therapist. When she asks to do something I have not been able to as of yet say I can’t or I’m busy. I would like to do that. I will continue to read about transference and counter transference. (Although, I have read a lot already and nothing tells you how to break it). I’m going to try to get in touch with my inner child to see if I can give her what she needs. (I have been doing hot power yoga to help with that) I need help with inner child work, I’m not great at that. Did I miss anything?

I do want to thank everyone for being so helpful and supportive.

 

[MyWillow]

@Bird33 this is a rough path to travel but you have acknowledged there is a problem. Celebrate that and let that give you the strength you need to commit to changing this dynamic.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Bird33 - I am glad you can see a way forward. I was just wondering what you were thinking.

Often things do seem insurmountable at first. Please don't shy away from doing what you believe is in your own best interests.

You have good friends supporting you both here and in real life as well as your husband and a new therapist.

Really remember that in many responses you have been given in real life and here, this ex-therapist has over-stepped the mark but you are stronger than you think you are and certainly stronger than her.

 

[Bird33]

@MyWillow @blackemerald1 I agree it is good to acknowledge there is a problem. That’s always the first step.
And Thank you blackemerald1 for actually making me come up with a plan. It helps to know that I am doing these things and not just sitting passively by. It’s just so hard and I am thinking about it often. I have a lot in my life and I wish I could just move to those things. I guess it is just a process. I have to keep moving forward.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Bird33 - kudos to you for the plan!

It's a good plan and I am sure if you talk with your hubby and friends they will help you with working on it

And we are all generally still here at some time or another...so let us know how you are. You have taken the first few steps and you are doing just fine. It may not feel like that straight away...however you will get into a different routine etc.,

It may happen slowly, but it is still happening!

 

[Optimistic Mess]

I was with my therapist for 2 years and then she asked if I wanted to be friends. I of course did becaus...

I just recently started EMDR with a woman about my age who has her own trauma history. She didn't share exactly what they were, but did definitely say, in a different world we could be peers and possibly attend the same support groups but that cannot happen now that we are entering this realm. I took that to mean now, and always and it seems to make sense to me. I do wonder if she "likes" me or privately thinks I'm insufferable and idk why that pops in my head.... seems strange. First time in therapy..

 

[James McGregor]

I was with my therapist for 2 years and then she asked if I wanted to be friends. I of course did becaus...

I'd say nothing wrong with you but so so many things wrong with a therapist asking you to become friends. In fact it's enough to have them struck off, crossing so many boundaries

 

[Bird33]

@Optimistic Mess I don’t think that thought is strange. I think we all have those thoughts at times. Good luck with the EMDR and therapy.
This was my first attempt at therapy since being forced when I was a teenager. It didn’t exatly go as planned for me.

@James McGregor Thank you, she did cross so many boundaries and now I feel like I’m paying the price and she is clueless.