RN_Loving_A_Vet
Bronze Member
I have been reading this forum for almost two weeks now and have been terribly afraid to post anything but now I need support more than ever. I am not sure how to begin or what to say so please forgive the potential scattered thoughts. I just feel so alone and need help, support, encouragement, guidance.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 20 months. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs. He is the most kind, loving man I have ever known and it's no secret to either of us that we want forever together... marriage, kids, etc. He has been emotionally forthcoming, supportive, encouraging, loving without condition. It would take a bit of forever to describe all he has been and all we have gone through together. He is close to my family and even calls my parents Mom and Dad. We have told each other every day we love each other; are in love with each other.
Here is the problem... I knew coming into the relationship he was a veteran of the navy. Though not explicitly discussed, he suffers from PTSD. During the past 20 months, when we have had disagreements or arguments, he would often go from 0 to 60 in no time at all and would get very angry and upset. He always seemed to calm down and we have always worked through our issues. With that being said, I believe his PTSD oriningally stems from childhood: abusive, alcoholic father; mother married 3 times; verbally abusive younger sister; feels like an outcast of his family; bullied throughout grade school and high school. It did not end there for my sweet man. He entered the military after having dropped out of high school. He was deployed to Iraq and some time after his return he was honorably discharged for bad shoulders and bad knees. Fast forward to what is going on now. On his 32nd birthday, which was almost two weeks ago, he went through a lot of emotional distress due to his family. Phone calls from his mother, his biological father, and an uncle upset and distressed him. This is when things began to change. The following day, his mood was off. He was short-tempered and irritable. Though he was not taking it out on me, something didn't seem right and I asked about it and he continued to say it was because of work. Over the next week he became angrier and full of rage when speaking about his job. Everyone was stupid, he hated everyone, wanted to punch everyone, wanted to get away from them all. I listened, I was supportive, and nothing changed in the way we spoke to each other. He, on his own, said he believes it is PTSD and that he wants to get help because he doesn't want to be angry anymore and doesn't want his anger to hurt me. I of course was supportive and encouraging and so proud of him for saying he wanted help. And then it happened... on March 20th, after another bad day at work, we were speaking on the phone and he said to me that he needed to do this on his own. He was not ending the relationship and his feelings for me have not changed but he needed to keep me at a distance for now until he started getting help because he was afraid what would happen if he lost his temper around me feeling so full of rage and anger. I was crushed. I felt helpless. But I was supportive. I told him I will be here for him and I will do whatever I can to help him though I knew there wasn't anything. We have continued to speak every day (his explicit desire). He has continued to facetime every night to say goodnight (what he and I have always done when we aren't together). We have told each other every day how much we love each other and he has initiated contact every day. I have had hope. And then... Last night... after work... he told me he believed that he needed to walk away until he begins to get better. My heart broke into a million pieces. We met at "our spot" to talk. He was crying, as was I. He has never hid emotion from me, I've seen my dear man cry many times. He held my hand, hugged me right, kissed me many times as well as kissed my forehead. He told me he cannot get the help he needs if he is worrying about me every moment and how is not seeing each other in person was hurting me each day that passed. He felt as though this would be best for him, for now. And then he said, "You are my best friend. You are the love of my life. I am in love with you. I want our future together. But I have to do this for me, for us. To be happy. This is not goodbye. We are going to talk every day. I am going to call every night to say goodnight. And when I am better in my head and not so angry and on the road to getting better, I am coming back." Over and over again he said he was so sorry, but this was all he could think to do to get better. Over and over again he said "I love you with all of my heart and I am coming back to you."
I am heartbroken. I am afraid. I am feeling quite low. I feel very much alone. And I am reaching out on here, after having read so many other stories, because I need help and understanding.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 20 months. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs. He is the most kind, loving man I have ever known and it's no secret to either of us that we want forever together... marriage, kids, etc. He has been emotionally forthcoming, supportive, encouraging, loving without condition. It would take a bit of forever to describe all he has been and all we have gone through together. He is close to my family and even calls my parents Mom and Dad. We have told each other every day we love each other; are in love with each other.
Here is the problem... I knew coming into the relationship he was a veteran of the navy. Though not explicitly discussed, he suffers from PTSD. During the past 20 months, when we have had disagreements or arguments, he would often go from 0 to 60 in no time at all and would get very angry and upset. He always seemed to calm down and we have always worked through our issues. With that being said, I believe his PTSD oriningally stems from childhood: abusive, alcoholic father; mother married 3 times; verbally abusive younger sister; feels like an outcast of his family; bullied throughout grade school and high school. It did not end there for my sweet man. He entered the military after having dropped out of high school. He was deployed to Iraq and some time after his return he was honorably discharged for bad shoulders and bad knees. Fast forward to what is going on now. On his 32nd birthday, which was almost two weeks ago, he went through a lot of emotional distress due to his family. Phone calls from his mother, his biological father, and an uncle upset and distressed him. This is when things began to change. The following day, his mood was off. He was short-tempered and irritable. Though he was not taking it out on me, something didn't seem right and I asked about it and he continued to say it was because of work. Over the next week he became angrier and full of rage when speaking about his job. Everyone was stupid, he hated everyone, wanted to punch everyone, wanted to get away from them all. I listened, I was supportive, and nothing changed in the way we spoke to each other. He, on his own, said he believes it is PTSD and that he wants to get help because he doesn't want to be angry anymore and doesn't want his anger to hurt me. I of course was supportive and encouraging and so proud of him for saying he wanted help. And then it happened... on March 20th, after another bad day at work, we were speaking on the phone and he said to me that he needed to do this on his own. He was not ending the relationship and his feelings for me have not changed but he needed to keep me at a distance for now until he started getting help because he was afraid what would happen if he lost his temper around me feeling so full of rage and anger. I was crushed. I felt helpless. But I was supportive. I told him I will be here for him and I will do whatever I can to help him though I knew there wasn't anything. We have continued to speak every day (his explicit desire). He has continued to facetime every night to say goodnight (what he and I have always done when we aren't together). We have told each other every day how much we love each other and he has initiated contact every day. I have had hope. And then... Last night... after work... he told me he believed that he needed to walk away until he begins to get better. My heart broke into a million pieces. We met at "our spot" to talk. He was crying, as was I. He has never hid emotion from me, I've seen my dear man cry many times. He held my hand, hugged me right, kissed me many times as well as kissed my forehead. He told me he cannot get the help he needs if he is worrying about me every moment and how is not seeing each other in person was hurting me each day that passed. He felt as though this would be best for him, for now. And then he said, "You are my best friend. You are the love of my life. I am in love with you. I want our future together. But I have to do this for me, for us. To be happy. This is not goodbye. We are going to talk every day. I am going to call every night to say goodnight. And when I am better in my head and not so angry and on the road to getting better, I am coming back." Over and over again he said he was so sorry, but this was all he could think to do to get better. Over and over again he said "I love you with all of my heart and I am coming back to you."
I am heartbroken. I am afraid. I am feeling quite low. I feel very much alone. And I am reaching out on here, after having read so many other stories, because I need help and understanding.
