Dad (abuser) sent me a birthday card signed with his actual name

[TruthSeeker]

That's him giving a shit about him, not you. So he is using you to further his own gains. That isn't...

Passive aggressive shit really ticks me off....it so sneaks up on me. Then blam.....blam....blam. And for what reason....to hurt.

 

[Deleted member 46276]

What does that mean? I tried asking my sister (who has a different dad) and my mom, but they both scoffed and seemed to just find it pathetic and funny. Which it is, but I was hoping for guidance on how I should be feeling about that.

I suspect that, on the dastardly side, it's a place holder to maintain a bond with you while he's deciding what to do next, or on the harmless side, he just wants show affection. Or maybe even a combination of both.

My experience is that people tend to do things and not know why did them or are particularly good at explaining why they do the things they do, and I would guess he just did it without knowing why himself. Trying to read too much into actions of others is usually not a good use of time.

But one thing that seems to be true is that people's tendencies tend to have some consistency. Like control freaks are going to keep being control freaks, so if that's his inclination it's not likely to suddenly change and him suddenly become something different.

 

[littleoc]

I suspect that, on the dastardly side, it's a place holder to maintain a bond with you while he's deci...

That's true.

He probably won't just quit being dangerous...

Thank you. I'll keep that in mind -- as well as the placeholder thing

 

[hithere]

It does seem like something intentional done just to upset you. People like that feed off of that. I...

I don't know how @littleoc felt about your post; but I would "heart" this post instead of life if I could. Meanwhile @littleoc I would not know how to feel if I got a birthday card from my dad, who I know is a psychopath. I had to work with a psychopath once and so if that co-worker sent me a card I would know that the card had nothing to do with me-it was serving some sort of purpose for that psychopath. The experience of working with someone so skillful at making someone hurt and feel pain; all the while looking like some innocent normal person, was horrific and it took me a year to recover from it. Not because I had c-PTSD or a victim of childhood abuse and violence; it was "that" person and because I had experienced so much abuse I lasted the longest in that position than anyone ever did in 12 years before I left. So having a dad this I don't know how you did it, but you did really well to survive that. I can understand not knowing how to feel about that. I think what @frogthroat has written here is pretty good advice.