I’m sorry!!!

[Hopeforlife]

I have notice that when I have a tough session or if I have a flashback or get emotional during therapy I seem to apologise to my therapist. I would say I am not overly attached to her. I respect our boundaries. She comes across as strong so don’t feel like I am exposing her to something she probably hasn’t heard in some contact before. But, when I am in one of these moments I always apologise. I am not sure she has noticed it yet or if she has then she has not mentioned it. Why do I do it? I think maybe I am sorry for being upset in front of her. But, surely she is used to it. Why? Strange one for me...

 

[Changing4Best]

I am surprised she has not asked you what you are apologizing for. Or did she ask that?

 

[Still Standing]

For me, apologizing is a way to deflect any negative reaction that will come from the one I am with...therapist or otherwise. It instantly puts me in a compliant or non-threatening position. It absorbs back anything I might have just said. It projects a sense of sensitivity and politeness. It helps to prevent a threat of conflict, preventing any level of criticism. This is what is behind my saying, "I'm sorry" all the time.

 

[Angelwings]

I have notice that when I have a tough session or if I have a flashback or get emotional during the...

@Hopeforlife I do the same thing. I say I'm sorry because I feel guilty for what happened, and that I inconvenience her by having a flashback that she then has to help me get out of. I feel bad for puking on her floor. It's embarrassing for me.

 

[Hopeforlife]

I think I am sorry for either being emotional or I am sorry she had to hear what she just heard me say. I don’t doubt her ability as a trauma therapist so it seems it is a problem of mine. When I say it she shrugs it off. Shrugging it off does not offend me. It’s almost as though she accepts it. Or her reaction tells me ‘don’t be sorry’ but I feel like I have to say it! Maybe as you say @Still Standing that I am trying to deflect criticism and makes me accept the things I have said. I don’t feel like I should say sorry to her if that makes sense. I just feel sorry. Maybe I am saying it to me?

 

[Angelwings]

I think I am sorry for either being emotional or I am sorry she had to hear what she just heard me...

@Hopeforlife Quite possible. My therapist always tells me that I have nothing to be sorry for, yet I continue to apologize, so maybe it's for me, too.

 

[Hopeforlife]

You know maybe it is @Angelwings Maybe I should bring it up next week with her. It’s almost as though I have learned myself to apologise for my situation. Not many people know of my situation so I don’t feel like I have to apologise so much. I apologise to my husband sometimes if I’m having a bad day and he has to do a bit more than usual when he gets home from work but he always says we are a team so over time it has not felt so bad. Strange one though. Maybe it’s time to show myself some compassion :(

@Hopeforlife Quite possible. My therapist always tells me that I have nothing to be sorry for, yet I continue to apologize, so maybe it's for me, too.

 

[Emotional girl]

I say sorry to my T quite a bit and he is always telling me that I don't need to apologise for anything.
For me it is something I have done all my life especially when I am feeling quite distressed.I think it is some kind of distraction technique in that if I say sorry then I might not get hurt by the other person.
With regards to you I would discuss this problem with your T if it is bothering you and see what they suggest.I am pretty sure they will be supportive and understanding.
Good luck

 

[somerandomguy]

It could be fawning behavior, which there is a lot of stuff about in these forums. I know I often default to that behavior if I expect someone I trust to get mad at me.

 

[MyWillow]

I say “I’m fine”....whether it’s a genuine “how are you going” or coming out of a dissociative flashback. I’ve been faking it for so long it’s hard to change my habits. My T did say a few sessions ago “you don’t have to pretend for me”. It’s funny. I go to great lengths to look “fine” for sessions too. Professional yet relaxed, stylish yet casual. Barely there make up. Yeah I’m fine.

 

[whiteraven]

For me, apologizing is a way to deflect any negative reaction that will come from the one I am w...

Yes! Thank you for this - you put it so well!

 

[Missycat]

Yea, i have apologised so many times too. My t reminds me that there is nothing to apologise for and that therapy is hard. She also thinks that i apologise to deflect cos i dont like attention ( i love positive attention ie telling jokes, funny stories and making people laugh ) but not good with other attention. I found it helped me just talking through my feelings and i paused at the end of the discussion and nearly apologised again ... but didnt . Talk it through with your t.