Unofficially fired, discrimination

[Neverthesame]

What did you expect to happen with the campus security person that illicited such a strong negative reaction from you?

 

[LoveTea]

What did you expect to happen with the campus security person that illicited such a strong negative reaction from you?

I have had campus safety called on me before, they do not know what they’re doing and this experience only reiterated that. They keep asking me what I need and don’t listen to my response. They tell me they won’t do something and they do it anyway without telling me (like explicitly saying they won’t call my dean, calling her anyway, telling her I don’t want her there, and bringing her over with no warning). They basically ask me to prove I won’t hurt myself, all I can do is just keep repeating that I won’t. I don’t know how I’m supposed to prove that. They keep telling me that they are helping me when they aren’t. All they do keep calling in more strangers (none of whom are actually qualified to assess me). They say they won’t leave until my therapist reassures them that I’m not a danger and have 4 people watch me have a conversation with her. My therapist isn’t a mind reader, my telling her I’m not a danger is no different from my telling campus safety I’m not a danger. They don’t let me just calm down let me stay calm. I keep calming down and they keep escalating. Two students have watched me deal with them, and said I handle them surprisingly well considering how stressful it is.

Above all, campus safety can decide with no evidence or corroboration that I’m a danger and force me out of school. It has happened to many students before, even when medical professionals says someone is fine. That is the most dangerous thing that could happen to me. Going back to my parents, especially if they find out why, would put me in harms way. But that doesn’t factor in as long as I’m not their liability anymore. It is their job to work in the schools best interests, not mine. Knowing that and the fact that they do not understand PTSD at all, and ignore both me and the professionals, they can make decisions on my behalf that would have dire consequences. That’s why they scare me.

 

[LoveTea]

Well I finally got what could generously be called a mediated conversation. One of my bosses just sat there and bashed me, my other boss who I’m closer with wouldn’t come. Everything I said he dismissed and said wasn’t true even though most of the interaction was with my other boss, so he doesn’t have the authority to say exactly what happened. When I’d give specific examples he would repeat it wasn’t true or ignore what I said altogether to find another point. He basically said the entire thing is my fault. I’m not claiming to have done everything right, but they played a role too. They percieved my lack of telling them about my shit and telling them to back off from my grounding as pulling away from them. Therefore it is my own fault that they pushed me out.

He acknowledged that I have worked my butt off for them in the past only briefly. When I tried to point out all the instances of being left out or isolated, he said it was my fault for not chasing them around. The instances I pointed out where when they selected people, not when people came and asked for things. I also pointed out that they had said they weren’t comfortable having me do various things and no one said it was ok again, so I didn’t feel comfortable asking when they said they weren’t comfortable. I told him I didn’t feel validated when I asked questions or told him I didn’t know what was going on, and when I gave enough examples to back that up he just found another reason to trash me. He claims that I’ve been running around telling everyone they treat me bad, when that is absolutely not true and it makes no sense. First of all, until all this started, I thought we were close and I would have defended them. Also, I don’t know how they think that, I’m extremely private, which they know and he thinks I’m running around telling people? Others probably started talking because I am the one who works all the time and people started noticing I wasn’t there. I did talk to 3 of my closest friends because I was trying to get my bosses perspective when my bosses wouldn’t give me one, they don’t gossip and I was doing it to get an outside perspective, and I made it clear that I don’t have the full story, and am not impartial.

In the last few minutes of the meeting he just claimed that the reason for making me leave was my work. That is BS. He said this semester I would tell him things were done when they weren’t and they had a problem with that. That is understandable to have a problem with, but first of all, no one said anything to me so how could I know it was a problem, and second it just didn’t happen. I asked for a specific example and he wouldn’t give one. I have worked on every single project with at least one other trusted student. Most of the jobs we were given were open ended, as in, there was nothing to “finish”. It just makes no sense. My friends who work with me see my work and they don’t see a problem with my work performance. Also, that he didn’t bother to say that until the last few minutes? That just feels like an excuse to stick on a form.

I just feel punished for trying to take responsibility of my PTSD. They only interacted with me because of it and when I told them to stop that, they didn’t and they claimed I’m pulling away from them. Yes, that made us not as close but they are my bosses, it feels like I’m punished for not telling them all my personal problems and acting as close friends. I talked to my other boss about backing off from my stuff, she said it wasn’t a problem. A lot of the things he brought up in the meeting, my other boss said wasn’t a problem. If they had a problem, I deserved to know about it and be able to change. I just feel so lost. The whole situation was so out of the blue. He basically said that they didn’t agree with my perspective, so my perspective isn’t valid. At the very least, can we just agree to disagree?

I went into that meeting ready to own up to my faults, but this isn’t one sided. I tried to apologize for the things I was responsible for. But that only made things worse. They simply place all the blame on me, that makes it so much harder to deal with my role. I’m trying, but I can’t stop being so angry with how they’ve treated me. If anything, their lack of willingness to even meet for over a month, and one of them not even coming, should back up my point of them blowing me off when I ask to sit down and talk. Everyone I have sought council from seem sympathetic and see my side, but no one backs me up to my bosses shoving me out the door without warning.

I was fully ready for them to say it was my PTSD, but they claim it wasn’t? The whole thing makes no sense. He went into that meeting with no intention of working it out or at least listening to me. All I wanted was to be heard. I wanted their perspective. If anything, it reiterated all of the problems I had with them. But those problems were solveable, they just had no intention of trying to solve them. A lot of people still want me to fight it because they think it is so wrong, but I can’t anymore. I can’t work for people who treat me badly and blame me for it. I trusted them more than anyone and I don’t know how to move on. I just can’t agree with most of what he said, and I feel ambushed and betrayed. That place was my whole life. I spent every free moment there (and they claim I’m pulling away?). I’ve lost crazy amounts of money. I don’t know anyone else, and I don’t have enough time in college to start anew. I’m just falling apart. I’ve lost 15 pounds this month from the stress and I started a new medication to try to cope with this, but it caused me to faint and I probably have a concussion now. It just feels like I can’t get a break. I just need to get through the end of the semester. I guess I just have to shove down all of this to deal with everything else first.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

MOVE ON! I mean, why is that so hard? You got fired. It happens. There are MANY jobs in this nation. This job wasn't your life. I get feeling crush due to a job loss. I was crushed when I lost my last job and had to take a month break but I got back out there, looked for a job, found a MUCH better job with higher pay. Contiuing to telling yourself that this job was your entire life and you can't move on or can't start anew or whatever is not doing you any favors. YOU CAN FIND ANOTHER JOB! Look outside of the college campus. I promise you there are MANY jobs out there.

This is just my opinion but I am starting to get the feeling that you want to roll in self pity. You are not owning up to what you did wrong anywhere in this thread, continuing to insist they wronged you and repeating how exactly you feel they did that, and then continuing to insist this was your entire world and you can't move on. There is a life outside of a college campus! I think you need a bit of a reality check. Again, my opinion.

 

[LoveTea]

@lostforgottensoul I know I’m rolling in pity, I just don’t know how to move on. First of all, I have to work on campus because of my financial aid. Also, I live next door, it still impacts my life every day because I have to see it and walk by in everyday. There are also a number of resources that I now don’t have access to now in order to do my school work. These are people I deeply trusted and cared about, and I can’t make that feeling go away. I don’t know how to stop dealing with it when it still impacts many aspects of my life in very tangible ways that cannot be changed or replaced.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you’re learning a lesson in life.

Employers are never your friend, no matter what happens.

Having boundaries in the workplace is a must!

It’s nobody else’s job to help you with your symptoms, and it’s your job to politely refuse their help as you need to know how to manage symptoms on your own.

An employer can fire you at any time, for any reason. Did you really think they’d admit to it being your PTSD? No employer will do this as it sets them up for a lawsuit. Of course they are going to say it’s your job performance! In your case, it was your ptsd affecting your job performance....but at the end of the day, your job performance was affected!

I totally get it. You turned your job into a big part of your support system. Don’t ever do this! You can lose your job in a heartbeat as you have, and poof, support system gone. I think you should put effort into building your support system elsewhere, finding friends that aren’t at your job, etc.

I think it’s just a lesson you had to learn the hard way. :(

 

[lostforgottensoul]

First of all, I have to work on campus because of my financial aid.

Ok, find another job on campus. If that is a must for financial aid then there must be someone setup to help you find a job. Call them.

There are also a number of resources that I now don’t have access to now in order to do my school work.

What resources exactly?

Also, I live next door, it still impacts my life every day because I have to see it and walk by in everyday.

I never said it wont hurt. But you are keeping yourself in this self pity pit and every single time someone throws out a flotation device you throw it back, stomp your feet, and say "no, they wronged me and I can't move on". That is not true but you are just refusing to move. To help yourself. To grab ahold of a shit ton of information that we are throwing your way. YOU allowed a lot of symptoms to effect your job. YOU did. It is YOUR job to not allow any mental or medical health symptoms to effect or appear at your job, it is YOUR job to manage YOUR symptoms or take avenues to do so (such as an accomendation). YOU did not. They fired you jusifiably. They even gave you a mediation meeting that most of us in the real world don't get. YOU STILL are insisting that they wronged you, "bashed you", and how much they are wrong and you were wronged and you can't move on. COME ON!

 

[Neverthesame]

my other boss who I’m closer with wouldn’t come.

I talked to my other boss about backing off from my stuff, she said it wasn’t a problem. A lot of the things he brought up in the meeting, my other boss said wasn’t a problem.

This is the same boss as above?

In the past, they have interviened with my symptoms. That obviously became a problem.

Don’t get me wrong, at one point they did affect my job performance and their ability to do their jobs.

It may not have been an issue for that boss, but it doesn't matter if their boss thinks it is. Shit rolls downhill.
Your symptoms were affecting your job performance since day one.
It doesn't matter if you still got lots done between panic attacks. You still have an employee regularly causing a disruption.
Worse still, even after being told not to, a supervisor is still stopping work to look after this employee. Now they have a disruptive employee and a disciplinary problem from an insubordinate supervisor.

I’m not claiming to have done everything right, but they played a role too.

Certainly. They seem to have an unbelievably unprofessional workplace. Just from what you've mentioned:

• Everyone is buddy-buddy. A surefire cause of a hostile workplace.
• Gross violations of occupational health and safety regulations.
• Abhorrent lack of discipline with employee behaviour.
• Inconsistencies in policy enforcement from management.

I don't want to work there, they sound like they run a gong show, not a business/learning environment.
Unless they were teaching how to run a business like a middle school.

He basically said that they didn’t agree with my perspective, so my perspective isn’t valid. At the very least, can we just agree to disagree?

Isn't this exactly what agree to disagree means?

If they had a problem, I deserved to know about it and be able to change.

They did. You didn't meet their requirements within a reasonable time frame.

I’m extremely private, which they know and he thinks I’m running around telling people?

You kind of were though.
You can't really ask people to find out the knitty gritty of why you were fired without making it obvious you think they lied to you.
You wouldn't have had to say it either. If you believed them, you wouldn't be going around asking why.

I did talk to 3 of my closest friends because I was trying to get my bosses perspective when my bosses wouldn’t give me one,

Right here, you've spoken to employees about a management decision that affected you negatively.
To give you an answer, they have to ask around about it.

they don’t gossip and I was doing it to get an outside perspective,

That's exactly what they were doing. Seeing as the management found out about it, they weren't terribly discreet about it either.

Everyone I have sought council from seem sympathetic and see my side,

I have sympathy for you. Being fired sucks, being between jobs sucks.
I've been working in a job I hate for 10 years now. It pays the bills, so I keep going there.
You had a job you really liked. I would love to have that, it would make my life feel alot less dismal. So I understand why you would want to hold on to it, I would too.
It doesn't change the fact that's it's over.

I was fully ready for them to say it was my PTSD, but they claim it wasn’t?

It wasn't.
It was the impact your symptoms had on your job performance.
It doesn't matter if it was PTSD, GAD, mono, diabetes, ect, ect.
You weren't fired for having a mental illness, you were fired for it's negative impact your work.

The sort of discrimination you're referring to would have to be the PTSD equivalent of a "Whites only" sign in a store window. Which isn't what happened here.

That place was my whole life.

What @lostforgottensoul said.

All I wanted was to be heard. I wanted their perspective. If anything, it reiterated all of the problems I had with them. But those problems were solveable

There's no way to sugar coat this. It will be harsh.
I think the reason they decided to meet with you after all this time is this.
You were fired for job performance. Any unauthorised work stoppage is performance, it does not matter how much more work than other people you did. Your symptoms were also causing other employees to stop working, it was disruptive to the business. It doesn't matter if it was only one other person (nice boss). You have an employee not doing their job, while also causing another to stop work from being distracted. Again it doesn't matter if the nice boss didn't mind, her boss did mind.

Now over a month after sacking you, they learn that you are going around to their employees, claiming wrongful dismissal then asking them to snoop around for something that is none of their business.

What this looks like to management is that you are still causing a disruption and stirring up drama even after firing you.
I know that wasn't your intention, but that's what happens when other people get involved in office vigilantism of management decisions, with no way to gain access to your employee record.
They can only really have your side of the story, with whatever limited information HR can disclose.

While this is probably what prompted them to have this meeting with you. Unfortunately it probably also killed any remaining chance of getting your job back.

A lot of people still want me to fight it because they think it is so wrong

I think you should just let it go. The hurt feelings won't go away until you start picking up the pieces. Getting a new job will give you a nice distraction from your old one.

You are an adult with responsibilities. You need to meet your basic needs. Right now it's rent. Just start applying for new jobs. Get a paycheque again.
Food, clothing and shelter. Start there, forget everything else right now.
Hopefully you get hired by a company that actually knows how to behave like a real business, then you might actually learn something useful about the working world you'll be entering when you finish school.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

YOU ARE AN ADULT

^^^

 

[LoveTea]

As a clarfier, the person I had a conversation with isn’t my boss’s boss. The person I mainly communicate with is technically higher than him, but they co-runthings. What I am saying he brought up as a major problem was my lack of willingness for them to be involved in my problems. They saw it as me pulling away when I asked them to back off from my grounding and personal struggles, even though we agreed upon that. My therapist thinks that it was because we didn’t know how to communicate outside of my symptoms anymore, so yeah unhealthy. Also, they didn’t know about my symptoms until a year into my job, and they became overly involved with them when they found out. I think their attempts at helping me made me dependent and I will need to be careful about that moving forward.

I guess what Ididn’t realize before losing it was how much this job was a coping mechanism for me. I have been doing this work for the past 7 years, and I’ve had PTSD for 8 years. When I started doing it, I stopped hurting myself. I havn’t started again, but the ideation is there. I’ve been spiraling, so I got prescribed meds, which caused me to faint and I now have a concussion. So, I can’t work now. I’m supposed to be getting out and staying busy to keep my mental health at bay, but because of the concussion, I will be confined to my room a lot, which is only making me rhuminate and stew.

@Neverthesame I guess I didn’t realize what I was asking would get around. I did my best to ask those people their perspective of what was happening before saying anything, and I tried to make it clear I wanted my boss’s perspective. But, I can see how that can still be problematic. They didn’t see my symptoms as impacting my job much anymore, but I can see how these contradicting attitudes are problematic. I do have a problem with the fact that my bosses talked to my other coworkers about my problems as well, without my permission, so that became unhealthy since we used my coworkers as a go between.

@lostforgottensoul my thesis next semester is on a topic combining my major and this department. They have a computer with a number of programs and accumulated information that no one else in the school has (and it would cost thousands of dollars to get other copies) I need their knowledge and connections in their industry to help with my thesis. I cannot change my topic at this point or I could not graduate this december, and I have to graduate in december for a number of reasons.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul my thesis next semester is on a topic combining my major and this department. They have a computer with a number of programs and accumulated information that no one else in the school has (and it would cost thousands of dollars to get other copies) I need their knowledge and connections in their industry to help with my thesis. I cannot change my topic at this point or I could not graduate this december, and I have to graduate in december for a number of reasons.

Why can't you change your topic at this point? That's in December. 8 months away. You're saying that in 8 months you cannot find another topic and write another thesis? I've never been in college but I am positive you can change the topic.

How about talking about what you can do rather then what you can't. You say "I can't" a lot. You can ask them for any saved data that isn't proprietary. You can talk with professors about needing to change the subject of your thesis and seeing if you can gain an extension or gain some help. You can also speak with your dean about this.

You can do a lot of things. But you refuse to. There is a difference in not being able to do something and flat out refusing to. If you are confinded to your bed for now then use this great internet to start a new thesis topic or expand on the current topic to replace the loss of whatever is there. Write a mature straight to the point without all of this "you wronged me" crap and ask them for whatever non-proprietary stuff they may have. Maybe they can email it to you. But this "you wronged me" needs to stop or will get no where fast both with them and in life in general. THEY DID NOT WRONG YOU!

 

[LoveTea]

I actually can’t change my thesis topic because I would not be able to graduate in Decmeber. It is a culmination of the work/classes I have done in college and if I change my topic, I cannot include a number of classes in my major and I wouldn’t be elidgable to graduate then. That is what my major advior said. I cannot ask directly for the data because they have made it clear they won’t speak to me and I intend to respect that boundary. I keep asking my dean for help, but everything she says she will do falls through. My former bosses won’t really communicate with her either. I know it is a lot of I can’t. I just don’t know what else to do, I seem to be getting that message from the resources that claim to help me. They seem to keep telling me they want to help, and tell me they are sorry but don’t give me or help me explore other options. It is making me very shut off and hopeless and run down. I don’t know where else to go or ask for help. I asked a number of friends and a professor to help brainstorm ways to alter the topic, but we are all coming up blank.