Hi everyone,
I've been following this forum for a while and finally decided to make an account so I can post.. I was very inspired by @courelly s brave choices and actions and I wish I could do the same. Reading through all of your stories has me wondering if I really am in a special situation or if I need to just suck it up and take off without saying anything. maybe y'all can give me some perspective..
I'll try to keep this brief but here a short account of the last 10 years leading up to this:
I met my guy when I was fresh out of high school and headed to college. I became good friends with his sister and the three of us hung out often. that first year was great.
At the end of the summer his sister and I were in a car accident and unfortunately she passed away while I walked away with minor injuries. (I wasn't driving) This obviously was a huge blow to all of us and for me was my first experience with death up close or even anyone i knew well.
We stayed together through that and through the grief and everything i'm sure i overlooked thousands of red flags. I don't even want to type all this out now, i feel like such an idiot. But it is reality so here goes.
He was cheating on me with many women, even dating some of them and when i finally confronted him about it and said it was over he chased me down the road and swore up and down the i was the one he 'chooses' and blah blah blah. So, i of course was very flattered and very worried about what he was doing on his own so we moved in together.
At this point he became very condescending about money and mean saying I was lazy and never paid for anything (Quit my job to move there and the new job i got right away was slow to start on hours so I had some money but he had a lot from a settlement)
Cue escalating emotional abuse and we went on like that for a while until one day, I can't even remember what started it but he slammed my laptop down on my hands and when i pushed his hands away he shoved me hard on to the floor. Nothing like this had ever happend to me, so i jumped up and shoved him back away from me. At this point he choked me until I was unconscious on the floor.. I can't really remember what happened after that but he blamed me for coming at him saying he had to defend himself and I stayed.
That was 5 years ago. Since then he has choked me unconcious again, kicked a door out the wrong way and cut my face with it, kicked me in the face, drove me out in to the woods saying he was going to beat me (for implying that I could 'take him'), tried to choke me several times but now that i know he goes for the throat I can usually wriggle enough to keep him from getting a hold there, and the list goes on and on..
We run a business together (not very well due to constant fighting) but when i try to leave it always comes down to I'm abandoning that and don't care.
This is only a small part of it, the worst part is the day to day, which I've seen described over and over again here on the forum. Its like from the time he opens his eyes he is just this miserable human being who cannot handle even the slightest inconvenience or disagreement from anyone. He flies off the handle, breaking things (all mine not his of course) calling any and everyone the most foul names he can think of..
My concern is that he is an actual psychopath.. as in the small percentage of abusers who crazy enough to kill. I have attempted to leave in the past but every time I come back or don't actually leave because he goes in to a screaming crying raging destroying episode.
He has two sons, one lives with us and one recently moved back to his moms due to all the fighting around here and my guy cares less and less what they see hear or think about the fighting. they are also part of what keeps me here, even though they are not mine i love them dearly and I don't want to abandon them. But also how am i supposed to have a relationship with them when they hear all the terrible things he says? They know that he is the crazy one but i also don't want to model this type of relationship for them
As for me, I am a strong and smart woman, very independent and capable (i paid all the bills for the last 4 years) and I never ever thought I should be in this situation. I'm the one that tells everyone else to drop it like its not when a relationship isn't working. I am successful at any job I've had and generally very well liked by people i work with and friends so i really don't think the terrible things he says about my character are true, I know myself to be very easy going and laid back, which is probably what got me here.
sooo.. why can't I just leave? I'm afraid he will come after me, and on the one hand i feel like that's being irrational but on the other hand I feel like he's the type of person who would wait to get their revenge until they won't get caught. I've thought about reporting it but he is from the small town we live in and i feel like even telling people what happened would be enough to trigger major retaliation for me 'ruining his rep'
So i guess the million dollar question is how to i extricate myself from this situation? I've pretty much decided i need to leave without saying anything because he will never let me go calmly but i also know that will trigger his rage.
That's enough for now.. didn't keep it very short :)
I've been following this forum for a while and finally decided to make an account so I can post.. I was very inspired by @courelly s brave choices and actions and I wish I could do the same. Reading through all of your stories has me wondering if I really am in a special situation or if I need to just suck it up and take off without saying anything. maybe y'all can give me some perspective..
I'll try to keep this brief but here a short account of the last 10 years leading up to this:
I met my guy when I was fresh out of high school and headed to college. I became good friends with his sister and the three of us hung out often. that first year was great.
At the end of the summer his sister and I were in a car accident and unfortunately she passed away while I walked away with minor injuries. (I wasn't driving) This obviously was a huge blow to all of us and for me was my first experience with death up close or even anyone i knew well.
We stayed together through that and through the grief and everything i'm sure i overlooked thousands of red flags. I don't even want to type all this out now, i feel like such an idiot. But it is reality so here goes.
He was cheating on me with many women, even dating some of them and when i finally confronted him about it and said it was over he chased me down the road and swore up and down the i was the one he 'chooses' and blah blah blah. So, i of course was very flattered and very worried about what he was doing on his own so we moved in together.
At this point he became very condescending about money and mean saying I was lazy and never paid for anything (Quit my job to move there and the new job i got right away was slow to start on hours so I had some money but he had a lot from a settlement)
Cue escalating emotional abuse and we went on like that for a while until one day, I can't even remember what started it but he slammed my laptop down on my hands and when i pushed his hands away he shoved me hard on to the floor. Nothing like this had ever happend to me, so i jumped up and shoved him back away from me. At this point he choked me until I was unconscious on the floor.. I can't really remember what happened after that but he blamed me for coming at him saying he had to defend himself and I stayed.
That was 5 years ago. Since then he has choked me unconcious again, kicked a door out the wrong way and cut my face with it, kicked me in the face, drove me out in to the woods saying he was going to beat me (for implying that I could 'take him'), tried to choke me several times but now that i know he goes for the throat I can usually wriggle enough to keep him from getting a hold there, and the list goes on and on..
We run a business together (not very well due to constant fighting) but when i try to leave it always comes down to I'm abandoning that and don't care.
This is only a small part of it, the worst part is the day to day, which I've seen described over and over again here on the forum. Its like from the time he opens his eyes he is just this miserable human being who cannot handle even the slightest inconvenience or disagreement from anyone. He flies off the handle, breaking things (all mine not his of course) calling any and everyone the most foul names he can think of..
My concern is that he is an actual psychopath.. as in the small percentage of abusers who crazy enough to kill. I have attempted to leave in the past but every time I come back or don't actually leave because he goes in to a screaming crying raging destroying episode.
He has two sons, one lives with us and one recently moved back to his moms due to all the fighting around here and my guy cares less and less what they see hear or think about the fighting. they are also part of what keeps me here, even though they are not mine i love them dearly and I don't want to abandon them. But also how am i supposed to have a relationship with them when they hear all the terrible things he says? They know that he is the crazy one but i also don't want to model this type of relationship for them
As for me, I am a strong and smart woman, very independent and capable (i paid all the bills for the last 4 years) and I never ever thought I should be in this situation. I'm the one that tells everyone else to drop it like its not when a relationship isn't working. I am successful at any job I've had and generally very well liked by people i work with and friends so i really don't think the terrible things he says about my character are true, I know myself to be very easy going and laid back, which is probably what got me here.
sooo.. why can't I just leave? I'm afraid he will come after me, and on the one hand i feel like that's being irrational but on the other hand I feel like he's the type of person who would wait to get their revenge until they won't get caught. I've thought about reporting it but he is from the small town we live in and i feel like even telling people what happened would be enough to trigger major retaliation for me 'ruining his rep'
So i guess the million dollar question is how to i extricate myself from this situation? I've pretty much decided i need to leave without saying anything because he will never let me go calmly but i also know that will trigger his rage.
That's enough for now.. didn't keep it very short :)
