Being honest and open with a therapist makes me vulnerable because the therapist has all the power. This just the truth. My track record with therapists has been when I am open and honest about my reactions, feelings, thoughts I have been terminated twice by two different therapists. For the very reason of telling them my feelings or experiences in therapy I have been terminated. All of it was trust related and all of it emotion related. I'm not even talking about disclosing sexual feelings for the therapist or something really hard for some therapist to deal with and causes some to immediately refer you out. My disclosing of my feelings were simple: when you, therapist, did x-y-z, I "felt" this way and thought these thoughts. Boom. Terminated. Someone may say well at least I saved all that time and all that money because why would I want to work with someone like that. Let me tell you--it hurts like you cannot even describe, it put my life in jeopardy, and there is no reasoning about it, no logical way to look at it.
If your issues are from childhood (if not I know that's different cuz I got a lot of crap as an adult too and there is a difference) if the ptsd is from childhood there is probably that fear of being abandoned. At least for me the abandonment wound is so deep and so painful (yet is healing-truthfully) that the risk of a termination is too, too great. I'm including being "referred out" or "transitioned" to another therapist. Still Abandonment. So my advice is to really listen to yourself and you will know if you should go forward with her or what is really going on with you. Not all therapists can handle a client saying they have negative reactions to what the therapist is doing. In fact a lot of them can't due to a lack of understanding and their own "issues." Continue to protect yourself, and go at the pace that is right for you. Don't disclose your feelings unless you know you can handle a termination and I am being very serious. It's very real possibility. You know if you can handle that. Even after 6 sessions you probably know if you have formed any attachment to this person or not. If so, tread carefully in any area you don't feel safe in.
This is all just my opinion, of course. I apologize if I'm being bossy. I don't mean to be. Just sharing my own experiences. For me I never cried for myself for ANYTHING because my life was threatened if I had any negative emotions. Then as I aged the message of "get over it" be "mature" etc just made me detach more and more from my negative and painful emotions. Yet they were there buried and locked away. I am a human afterall. It's bullcrap to tell a child not to cry. It's good to say "things will be ok, you'll get through this, Im here," but it's cruel to say don't cry. For me I could tell I needed to express those emotions because they were coming out as panic attacks and agoraphobia--that feeling of being trapped and can't get away. I just couldn't access them. Finally because of therapy something happened really painful happened in therapy, and then I have not been able to stop crying at the drop of a hat. I thing I'm learning how to cry now actually. I'm sort of like a toddler that just starts balling her eyes out at the smallest provocation. That is actually progress for me, though the pendulum swung way the other way. I think it will swing back to a more healthy expression load at some point. Yet, I still truly wish my therapist cared about me, and could show it, but it is not meant to be.
If the therapist was crying, or being too emotional, maybe I could not have had the "room" in the "room" to get in touch with my own super painful feelings. Seriously it's like being stabbed in the heart and swept away in a flood. It's awful! Yet-healing.
