blackemerald1
VIP Member
Nah..trust your instincts @Justmehere if it smells like a rat. It's a rat.
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”she tried to anger me”
- Post starter Justmehere
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- #14
Justmehere
Sponsor
I tried to write him back to end it. UGH why is this so hard? What the heck even?!
ETA:
Bah. I know why I'm reluctant. The niceness was well... nice. I guess I am reluctant because I would want someone to show compassion for my own battle, and not write me off because of a simple message about it. At the same time, he wrote of sexual relations and said he pushes boundaries, but has learned to listen to clear boundaries. It's a problem when someone brings up as the lead about sex that they push boundaries...
oh shiesh, I need to run. I can find better.
ETA:
Bah. I know why I'm reluctant. The niceness was well... nice. I guess I am reluctant because I would want someone to show compassion for my own battle, and not write me off because of a simple message about it. At the same time, he wrote of sexual relations and said he pushes boundaries, but has learned to listen to clear boundaries. It's a problem when someone brings up as the lead about sex that they push boundaries...
oh shiesh, I need to run. I can find better.
Last edited:
Gs172003
Diamond Member
Please don't ignore yourself.
ILoveLife
VIP Member
Seriously, red flags all around!
You're doing the right thing in running from this one.
You're doing the right thing in running from this one.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
So what if she did try to anger him?
His anger is on HIM!
His emotions are on HIM!
He acts like nobody in the world is going to anger him and that’s the “solution” for an anger problem.
Nope!
I mean, c’mon.
He needs to own his stuff. Putting your behavior down to “she made me do it!” is a diversionary tactic at best, ESPECIALLY when it’s put forth out of the blue.
And even if she did try to anger him, so freakin what! It’s immaterial. The guy has an anger problem and that’s enough to say goodbye.
Listen to your gut!
This guy is slick and you’re getting sucked in by the “niceness”. Calling you “wonderful” after a few emails?
Don’t fall for it!!!
His anger is on HIM!
His emotions are on HIM!
He acts like nobody in the world is going to anger him and that’s the “solution” for an anger problem.
Nope!
I mean, c’mon.
He needs to own his stuff. Putting your behavior down to “she made me do it!” is a diversionary tactic at best, ESPECIALLY when it’s put forth out of the blue.
And even if she did try to anger him, so freakin what! It’s immaterial. The guy has an anger problem and that’s enough to say goodbye.
Listen to your gut!
This guy is slick and you’re getting sucked in by the “niceness”. Calling you “wonderful” after a few emails?
Don’t fall for it!!!
- Post starter
- #18
Justmehere
Sponsor
The communication and contact is over.
I’m still sorting out processing and understand how I get into this.
I’m still sorting out processing and understand how I get into this.
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Friday
Sponsor
One thing that’s helped me is realizing -by watching my friends- everyone does. The same number of assholes abound. They just don’t seem to feel the urge to bring crazy home with them.
- Post starter
- #20
Justmehere
Sponsor
True. A close friend of mine and I share online dating stories. Same number of jerks, sometimes the same jerks.
She shuts down to the red flags much faster.
- Post starter
- #21
Justmehere
Sponsor
Ok. Ended it. Then called my mother. Who is married to my father, who is very like this guy. I told her about him, and that I ended it with him and why. I don't know why I told her...
She adamantly cheered me on for dumping the guy... who is very much like her husband. She told me that all his brilliant professional success means that people will overlook serious red flags. "Of course his ex is not to blame, he needs to focus on his own anger being his own responsibility. No one else can take care of that for him, no matter what."
My mother. Saying these words. Mind boggling. I didn't bother to point out that she's been telling me the EXACT opposite about my father since I was a baby. "You were an intense baby that made your father angry. If you had not been such an intense baby..." No joke. That's what she's said. But we can't have reasonable conversations between us about him....
But it was something to have her total support for dumping this rageful dude fast. :)
She adamantly cheered me on for dumping the guy... who is very much like her husband. She told me that all his brilliant professional success means that people will overlook serious red flags. "Of course his ex is not to blame, he needs to focus on his own anger being his own responsibility. No one else can take care of that for him, no matter what."
My mother. Saying these words. Mind boggling. I didn't bother to point out that she's been telling me the EXACT opposite about my father since I was a baby. "You were an intense baby that made your father angry. If you had not been such an intense baby..." No joke. That's what she's said. But we can't have reasonable conversations between us about him....
But it was something to have her total support for dumping this rageful dude fast. :)
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I’m worried that you question how did you get into this, especially since you were still in the getting to know you stage of things.
I think you caught this pretty quickly!
The truth is that there are so many sketchy guys out there, and you’re bound to run into them every so often.
I think it’s awesome that you were able to see the red flags and send this guy on his way.
You’re making progress! So awesome!
I think you caught this pretty quickly!
The truth is that there are so many sketchy guys out there, and you’re bound to run into them every so often.
I think it’s awesome that you were able to see the red flags and send this guy on his way.
You’re making progress! So awesome!
just have to say, I am sure my wife tries to anger me. outside looking in, others see it and understand. She wins if I get angry, so when she cant win any other way and wants it bad enough, she knows how to work it.
I try to just say, OK you win, but no fireworks this time, sorry.
She doesn't get it that if she keeps winning, she loses, as in: I just don't even care enough about the issue we are banging heads over to bang heads anymore.
wanna go to town to get something from a store that closes in 15 minutes and we are 15 minutes away? Fine, Say hello to the nice officer dumbshit. wanna go out and see a show? sorry. the nice officer and the insurance guy got all the money this month, but we can stay home and get pissed at each other over it if you want.
Like I said, she TRIES to anger me. I guess I win if she gets indifference and apathy. Or I could be a loser that cares enough to still try. LOSE LOSE LOSE situation.
I try to just say, OK you win, but no fireworks this time, sorry.
She doesn't get it that if she keeps winning, she loses, as in: I just don't even care enough about the issue we are banging heads over to bang heads anymore.
wanna go to town to get something from a store that closes in 15 minutes and we are 15 minutes away? Fine, Say hello to the nice officer dumbshit. wanna go out and see a show? sorry. the nice officer and the insurance guy got all the money this month, but we can stay home and get pissed at each other over it if you want.
Like I said, she TRIES to anger me. I guess I win if she gets indifference and apathy. Or I could be a loser that cares enough to still try. LOSE LOSE LOSE situation.
- Post starter
- #24
Justmehere
Sponsor
@enough - your wife getting a speeding ticket is an example of her purposefully trying to anger you?
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