Relationship Mixed signals plus ptsd, how do i get clarity?

[Lynncyn]

I have been seeing someone with ptsd and he recently started sharing more with me about his ptsd and how it affects him and how expressing emotions and reacting to others expressing theirs affects him. We have established that he will take a step back for a few days if necessary for him to control his impulses and not to lash out and hurt my feelings which I appreciate but it is also hard for me. I am someone who likes to express herself and I feel I need to hold back sometimes because I dont aant it to be too intense for him but I am unsure of what he wants from me. Is it friendship or more, he sends mixed signals and relationships and men expressing their feelings are difficult enough without the ptsd. Any advice on how to broach the subject?

 

[OrangeJulius]

Welcome to the forum! It sounds like this relationship is new. How much do you know about PTSD? How much have you read around this forum in the supporters section?

What you need to evaluate for yourself is what is ok and not ok with you. Think about the things you need in a relationship. I like to express myself too. But my honey is not always in a place where he can listen. So, I have friends that I express myself to when he can't be that person for me. When I have relationship concers, I wait until he is in a place when he can deal with what I need to talk about. Sometimes I have to wait hours, days, weeks, or months to dicuss them if he is isolating. And I am ok with that because trying to have that conversation when he's not in the right place isn't going to work and someone's feelings will be hurt (mine) and someone will later feel bad for whatever happened (him).

If you are the type that won't be able to be "single" in a way while he goes through things in his head that have nothing to do with you....this means going to social events alone, managing meals and responsibilities on your own, and generally very little (if any) conversation, and very little (if any) affection.....then this relationship might not be what's best for YOU. These periods come on without warning and you never know how long they will last. Flexibility, understanding, and patience are necessary.

Best of luck to you, and feel free to share more, look around, comment, and ask questions!

 

[Friday]

I am someone who likes to express herself and I feel I need to hold back sometimes because I dont aant it to be too intense for him but I am unsure of what he wants from me.

If I’m not their mommy or being paid, I don’t hold myself back, & I don’t worry about what they want from me. I worry about what I want, they can worry about what they want, and if me being myself isn’t going to work in a relationship? Better to know that early, than 2 years in when I’m sick and damn tired of trying to be someone I’m not. If a relationship I’m in is going to succeed, it’s going to succeed because the two of us actually work together. Me being me, and them being them. There’s almost always some best-foot-forward stuff going on in the beginning. That’s not a bad thing, IMO, that’s still me (on my best behavior) and them (on their best behavior). Being the person someone else needs me to be? Is for kids and jobs. Not life and love.