General Vets asking for help

[Never_falter2]

So I regularly check on my Vet because I want to know how he is doing. I just ask him how he is, if everything is alright... and I do this because I want to be sure everything is alright with him.

I think he is one of those guys who cannot ask for help. When he was feeling very poorly years ago he did not tell a soul how lousy he was feeling. Now he is feeling lousy again. He told me, but I think I am the only one who knows.

He smiles a lot and cracks jokes, while feeling very bad inside. So I feel i need to check on him but @LuckiLee says it is a bad idea because it annoys them and it probably does.

WWYD?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I tend not to ask my vet a lot of questions about how he is feeling. He's told me that the answer will always be "like shit". It's just different levels of shittiness.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I usually ask if he needs anything when I am on my way out. It lets him know I am here, he can put in requests, and when I am on my way out he doesn't have to feel like he has to talk to me....or he can decompress from me talking to him after I leave.

I am pretty sure he'd hate me asking how he is everyday. I can usually guess based on his mood.

 

[Mach123]

When u get to someone they stop doing this. "What are you doing?" I always heard that like an assault. I was wrong. That person is in there beyond the pain. Love is the way.

 

[scout86]

I'm not a vet. Those kinds of questions aren't to annoying, IF the other party will take "fine" for an answer. "Fine" either means I'm fine or I don't want to talk about it. If that reply is followed up with something like "are you sure?" it can get annoying. Where "annoying" starts no doubt various from one person to another so you might consider asking HIM how he feels about it.

 

[Confused_84]

I have a similar question. My vet needs help. Do you confront them and tell them you’re concerned or just let it go?

 

[EveHarrington]

I have a similar question. My vet needs help. Do you confront them and tell them you’re concerned...

It depends on how serious it is.

Minor moodiness? Just let it go. Suicidal? Yeah, get him help.

 

[Sighs]

@EveHarrington - and everywhere else on the spectrum? What about sad or depressed or angry or passively suicidal ideation?

And (barring active suicidal attempts - where clearly you need to call 000) how exactly do you get another adult help they don't want???

 

[Confused_84]

I know I can’t make him get help if he doesn’t want it. I was just going to bring it up to him and hope it might make him want to get help. I don’t want to make the situation worse by saying anything to him though.

 

[Freida]

I usually ask if he needs anything when I am on my way out. It lets him know I am here, he can put in requests, and when I am on my way out he doesn't have to feel like he has to talk to me....or he can decompress from me talking to him after I leave.

This^^^^ is perfect. Sometimes I honestly don't know what will make me feel better. This gives me options

If someone asks me "how are you doing" will always get the answer "fine" especially if the military demons are running rampant because it is just too damn hard to explain to civilians. I run into the same thing if its the dispatch demons. And yep - I crack jokes and smile ...cause -- I do...

Hubby will point out specific things -- like "you are sighing - what are you thinking?" or "you've been snapping at the dog, what's going on?" Not confrontation, just pointing out an action and asking about that specific thing. (damn that guy is a master manipulator! LOL) It may not get me to talk, but it does make me think about how I'm acting and sometimes see what is going on in my head.

I also have some vet specific sites I go to that are really good for reinforcing that help is necessary to feeling better. There is a FB group called Disgruntled Vets he might like. A lot of vets feel really alone because they don't have anyone in their lives that understand. That's not a slam on the supporters - because they do the hard work of living with us! But sometimes you just need to interact with people that can relate to what landed you in this position in the first place.