Struggling tonight

[Noise]

I'm struggling to keep going like this. Today I had someone tell me I was lying about my trauma and many other things and I just feel so worthless right now.

They told me I was just doing it for attention and that I was manipulating people.

And just all these thoughts of how I must have deserved my abuse started going through my head and I just can't stop thinking about self harm and wanting to die.

I feel so alone I just want someone to believe me why don't they f*cking believe me??

Did I deserve the abuse?? I feel like I must just be a really bad person who deserves to be treated horribly.

Why does everything hurt all the time I just want to be happy but everything is f*ck8ng horrible all the time

I can't deal with this.

I'm sorry I know I'm not making sense but I've just been crying all night and I'm just really freaking sad

I just want to feel like someone cares

 

[ILoveLife]

Hug. :hug:
Sorry you're struggling.
That person isn't a very good person, so not to be taken seriously.

 

[Rani G2]

Did I deserve the abuse?? I feel like I must just be a really bad person who deserves to be treated horribly.

I'm listening Noise..... here sending you a portion of empathy and courage. Breathe in and out...write and make yourself heard here....

 

[Noise]

Hug. :hug:
Sorry you're struggling.
That person isn't a very good person, so not to be taken seriously.[...

They told me that my story was "harmful to people who have real issues"

And it's just I told them what happened (not the whole story cause I can't handle that) but just what do they mean "harmful"

What do they mean "real issues"

And another horrible thing about it is I can't stop thinking about how my abuser told me nobody would ever believe me if I told.

Like it just sucks that she's being proven right

I'm sorry I'm ranting again

 

[ILoveLife]

No need to apologize. Rant away. :)

Are you in therapy?

 

[Rani G2]

They told me that my story was "harmful to people who have real issues"

This is due to fear = Ignorance = The inanility to recognize which means also to face ones own demons= Unwillingness to face upto ones responsibility. Some humans will rather live in denial because questioning means that one's reality could be turned upside down.

You have made the step to face upto it, thats threatful for some

inanility

Sorry meant inability

 

[Noise]

I'm listening Noise..... here sending you a portion of empathy and courage. Breathe in and out...write...

I'm just so tired everyone hurts me my family used to abuse me. my psychiatrist when i was a kid abused me for years. My "friends" only show up if they need something from me

Everything hurts all the time and I can't do anything about it without being treated even worse

 

[Eliza]

Nobody ever deserves abuse. And nobody should ever feel like they're not being listened to or taken seriously.

You will always find an ear to listen here.

Sending hugs. :hug:

 

[Rani G2]

Everything hurts all the time and I can't do anything about it without being treated even worse

It is... It is Noise. The pain is excruciating... it takes time, our journey's a re extremely tough... people are here, reading you and listening to you. Many have and are walking that path. You are worth it, you know that, a part of you knows that, otherwise you wouldnt be here writing. You have chosen to process... make sense of what is going on. Thats true courage

 

[Noise]

No need to apologize. Rant away. :)

Are you in therapy?

Yes I'm in therapy. We're a good fit luckily but I don't see her til monday.

Some humans will rather live in denial because questioning means that one's reality could be turned upside down.

They actually told me it was unbelievable because I said I was abused by my psychiatrist when i was a kid (physically verbally sexually) and that it made me very scared of therapy and also pills have a very negative effect on my mood cause they remind me of her. It also came out that I have DID

They said "a doctor wouldn't do that" and also told me I was exaggerating about my fears. And also told me that I don't have DID. And it's just so invalidating.

They told me I was spreading lies to put psychiatry in a bad light. But I'm not though.

 

[Rani G2]

They told me I was spreading lies to put psychiatry in a bad light. But I'm not though.

I hope your therapist can give you the guidance you need..I am really sorry you have to deal with this..

 

[Noise]

I hope your therapist can give you the guidance you need..I am really sorry you have to deal with this....

I just hate this I don't have anyone in my life I can trust everyone ends up stabbing me in the back

I'm gonna die with nobody caring I'm gonna die alone and I'll be forgotten after a week

It never gets better. life just keeps finding more and more ways to hurt me. I'm sick of it