Undiagnosed Potential ptsd from self inflicted trauma?

[Justmehere]

You mentioned researching your symptoms and believing that PTSD is the only thing that fit. You also used acid and that alone can cause everything you are dealing with now. There are also a number of other disorders that can lead to the experience you are having. Regret is also incredibly painful and horrible.

At the end of the day, self diagnosis (or diagnosis by TV show) is not a good idea. At all. You need to work with a doc and a therapist to get at the root of these behaviors - all of it - and your distress about them and the consequences. They can best determine a diagnosis and treatment plan so you can have relief that is safe and healthy and live more of the life you want to live.

What’s holding you back from getting treatment?

 

[american98]

While one can’t get PTSD from drug use and the choice to have sex with an escort, you are clearly...

Unrelated, I don't think I got PTSD from doing acid I just think I was stupid for doing it so much and it ruined my relationships at the time, but I'm pretty sure you can get PTSD from drug use, I've read a couple articles on that.

 

[american98]

Then you have led a very charmed life up until this point. Regret, like grief, can be one of the most [I...

I'm not saying I haven't, I'm thankful for my life up to that point and for having a loving family, but can you really say that having your first sexual encounter be with a hooker is something that is the norm in most circles.

 

[Friday]

but I'm pretty sure you can get PTSD from drug use, I've read a couple articles on that.

You can’t. In point of fact, it’s an exclusion.

H. The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., medication, alcohol) or another medical condition. Diagnostic Criteria for 309.81 (F43.10) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Seriously, if you had PTSD it wouldn’t be from any of the events listed in your intro, but would have to have come from something Criterion A in your history.

Again, it doesn’t have to be PTSD to be a big deal, and very much deserve seeing a therapist about what’s going on in your life.

PTSD isn’t a pain scale. It’s not like if it hurts THIS much, or has THIS much effect on your life? It’s PTSD. PTSD is just a disorder, a very specific one, with very specific causes. Symptoms such as flashbacks and shame? Are found in many many many different disorders.

 

[american98]

You mentioned researching your symptoms and believing that PTSD is the only thing that fit. You also...

Sorry, I'm not sure how tagging on her works, I'm not trying to say I have PTSD or saying what I experienced is worst than anybody else, I feel trauma is a very subjective thing, more accurately I would say undiagnosed might be better. Honestly at the end of the day I don't really care what the name of the disorder would be, I know that my mental state is not really that healthy right now and I was more using this as a starting point to seek external help/support because of the overwhelming feeling of isolation and how the flashbacks have caused me to feel trapped in that moment.

 

[mumstheword]

Sounds like you're kinda dissociated? And the drugs would have probably exacerbated that.

I don't see how it could be full blown ptsd, as there doesn't seem to be life threats involved, but perhaps you are suffering a kind of moral injury? Which is still really hard stuff to get over.
Sex with someone you're not connected with can cause your self esteem to suffer and be plagued with regret but it's more to do with how you view yourself and forgiving yourself for things going awry, rather than your brain going into inflamed and chronic hypervigilant survival mode, which is what ptsd is.
That's what it sounds like, anyway, from what you've told us.
You could definitely have developed some kind of dissociative disorder, but that would be more caused by the acid abuse and using weed to escape dealing with difficult stuff, so basically abusing substances that's caused you to disconnect from yourself even more.

Relationship stuff is often really painful, broken hearts are really, really painful and bingeing on acid after a break up is likely just going to unground you, so the drug use is not going to help you reconnect with yourself.

Hallucinagens and weed will enhance and intensify the state you are already in and help you dissociate if life is overwhelming and you aren't finding the psychological tools to adapt and adjust to what you're experiencing.

It sounds like you need to do a lot of grounding and self compassion and find a way to reconcile the events that you deeply regret. We all make some silly and poor choices that can lead to pain and self recrimination, especially when young, so finding a way to gently allow yourself space to make mistakes without being so morally hurt from your own choices and come to terms with your foibles is part of reconnecting with your essential being and finding some joy and connection in life.

Body work, exercise, arts, cognitive behavioral therapy, animal assisted therapy (basically connecting with domesticated animals, dogs, horses, that kind of thing, to bring more love and help you learn to be present, into your life), spending time in nature, that kind of thing, have all proven reparative for people going through the kinds of disconnection and moral pain and suffering you describe.

Definitely seek out some real life support. If it is PTSD then It's likely that there is more trauma in your past that may have been triggered by the sex and you will definitely need support to address that. We can't diagnose you here, so please seek some expert advice, but by all means use this space to help express and ground your feelings and write out more, it helps to make sense and ground yourself around what's going on for you.

 

[american98]

You can’t. In point of fact, it’s an exclusion.

idk sorry if I'm wrong though your nine words didn't convince me otherwise, but really I'm sorry I'm not meaning to come off as arguing minutia with you. I'm not trying to sound defensive in any of these replies, but it was very hard for me to even write this post and I feel extremely vulnerable/exposed talking about it, and am extremely paranoid that people will judge me or belittle me for my experience.

 

[american98]

Sounds like you're kinda dissociated? And the drugs would have probably exacerbated that.

I don't...

The only other thing mildly traumatic in my life was at summer camp when I was around 10 and a counsellor felt me up/fondled me for a while over my pants when we were alone, under the guise of fixing my belt, but I don't think it was that, I didn't even realize anything bad was happening at the time and haven't ever told anyone about it since. But I guess that could've hurt future relationships?

 

[Neverthesame]

Trauma, when used in literature is subjective. It's a strong word for unpleasant.

When used in medicine, it's not subjective. It's a very specific thing. The clinical definition of trauma is what the DSM-V is referring to. Not the poetic expression.

 

[american98]

Trauma, when used in literature is subjective. It's a strong word for unpleasant.

When used in m...

Reading the definition the only thing I could relate the experience to was death of a loved one, after the encounter I stayed in my grandfathers house because it was empty because he died recently. I slept in his bed and there was about an hour period where I just stared catatonic at his ashes above the fireplace. Again I'm not trying to say I have PTSD, self diagnose was the wrong label I thought it was synonymous to undiagnosed, more that I'm using this as a starting point to finding answers.

 

[american98]

How do the criterion's work is it a list like check if criterion A is met then move on to B or is it different types like PTSD A, PTSD B, etc.?

 

[mumstheword]

idk sorry if I'm wrong though your nine words didn't convince me otherwise, but really I'm sorry I'm...

You took a big risk, sharing some really painful and hard stuff. It was courageous of you. None of us know you, so what we say about you doesn't really mean much, so only take on what's helpful for you and pay very little mind to what isn't.

It's really good news if you don't have ptsd as it's a really really awful and debilitating brain injury that plagues you like a living nightmare. Having said that, whatever you're dealing with is obviously very painful and you are clearly hurting a lot. No one here wants to invalidate your pain. If you can't seem to get any relief or a handle on this yourself, it's really important that you pursue informed assistance, the right diagnosis is really important so you know what your dealing with and what approaches work best.

Feeling defensive indicates a level of self judgement and that's yours to recognise and work through.

We are a very caring, kind but sometime frank and candid bunch of people.

It also helps, just you writing down what's bothering you, just for the exercise, for your own process, without worrying or caring so much what other's might say. Only you know what really going.on.inside you, getting practise communicating it, is only going to help, so just take the bits that are helpful and put out of mind, what's not.
Sorry your hurting so much, you sound like an intelligent, sensitive (in a good way) talented and thoughtful guy. Be kind to yourself mate, we all do stuff we later feel crap about, it's part of being human.