Sufferers - what do you want in a partner?

[Justmehere]

Trying to sort myself out on this.

Fellow sufferers, what have been the most helpful qualities you have found in a supporter for a long term dating or marriage relationship?

 

[somerandomguy]

Sensitivity.
A cool head.
Slow to anger.
A short memory.
A long fuse.

Sorry, supporters. I know no one can be like this all the time, and it's really unfair to ask of anyone.

 

[mumstheword]

Kind
Honest
Understanding
Sense of humour
Courageous
Compassionate and wise
Yep I got one, he's a sufferer too but he's for real and we adore each other.

 

[Friday]

I’ve got a James Connolly quote stuck in my head on this one...

“'Our demands most moderate are – We only want the earth!”

***

Apparently my capacity for original thought has done a runner...

“Only men need to be loved, sweetheart. Women need to be wanted.” -SOA

***

For truth, though, in a partner? A wicked sense of humor & priorities in line with my own, and the rest sorts itself out.

 

[EveHarrington]

Accepts me as I am and doesn’t try to fix me.

Signed,
A codependent magnet.

 

[Abstract]

Tricky one. Suspect some of it doesn't come from a place of health, but I guess it stands regardless! Some irony in these.
Respects my personal space and that overused word - boundaries. I don't like being pushed and I don't push others. Huge one for me.
Is not jealous. Another absolute ender for me. I don't like being suffocated or feel like I am owned. Its not flattering.
Has no need to square up to people and verge on being physical if angry. Not impressive to me and triggering.
Has a good sense of humour.
Is kind
Is moderately intelligent or more but isn't an intellectual snob. Someone I can have a conversation with.
Is not aggressive or loud.
Isn't glib or insincerely flattering. The overly smooth slimy types send me running.
Is authentic.
Has depth.
Is not the hypercritical type.
Isn't a doormat and knows his own mind.

 

[shimmerz]

Doesn't try to fix me.

 

[Mach123]

Errr, love actually? Using words confuses things. (She always tells me to be quiet: )

 

[EveHarrington]

Errr, love actually?

Sadly, so many people confuse infatuation with love, so finding real love can be a hard thing! If you've got real love, hold on tightly, don't let go, and fight to keep it!

 

[Innordinate]

Someone who understands when I need my own space to give it to me and not try and 'fix' me instead.
Fixing, really, not ever.
Someone I can vent to without judgement, and again, without them trying to fix me. Unless I specifically ask for their input.
Someone who can set really firm boundaries and if my behaviour or mood gets out of line, isn't afraid to point out that I probably need to find my own space to calm.
And someone who isn't afraid to tell me if they feel hurt or whatever their feelings on.
Basically someone who isn't a fixer and doesn't even consider walking on eggshells around me to not 'set me off'.

I think this changes for everyone though. When your sufferer is in a good mood, or fairly level headed, whatever their baseline is, it's probably a good idea to set boundaries and expectations for both parties and come up with some verbal cues that basically let each other know that you need to find your own space for a bit, instead of letting the situation escalate past the point of no return.

Oh, I also needed my SO to help ground me, before I learned how to do that myself.....

Right, so the biggest one: Communication.

 

[Changing4Best]

I loved my husband of 23 years for his sense of humor, his undemanding ways, his great stories about his adventures on the high seas as a Merchant Ship Mate, his understanding, his ability to give me a time to myself when I needed it, his understanding that I needed friends and hobbies and my own profession that was not part of the family business, his great recipes! And oh so much more. He passed away in 2005. I have not found anyone like him, except one man who I later found out was a drug addict, unfortunately.

 

[Ronin]

Truthfulness, honesty, humor, loyalty... alias some chart of traits that just do not meet together.

I might as well look for a professional dragon rider with an interest in crocheting the wonders of the world.