Undiagnosed Childhood abuse, foster care and parental mental illness

[wiltedflowers]

Hello everybody,
I'm not sure where to begin so I will start with a brief synopsis of my first 20 years of life! Admittedly, they haven't been great. Home life was tough with a variety of adverse experiences - domestic violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, parental mental illness (my mum has BPD) and poverty. I was taken into care in my teens due to this and had a particularly bad placement breakdown with my foster family who I had become attached to, so there's a lot of painful memories there too. I am 20 now and finally completely out of the care system as I moved out of supporting living last year. I had been seeing mental health services since I was around 10, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression during most of my time, although a random psychiatrist diagnosed me with adjustment disorder when I was in a psych ward just before I was taken into care. When I was 17 there had been talk of an emerging personality disorder (according to my social care records), however before I could see a psychiatrist for a proper assessment I turned 18 and was discharged from children's services - yet I really don't think a personality disorder is at all fitting. I'm not sure if what I have is PTSD, but my main issue currently is emotional and physical flashbacks and intrusive memories that are so crippling and overwhelming that they often culminate into a massive emotional meltdown. I am really struggling at the moment to make sense of my brain, and since I live in the UK there is no hope of trying to get help from mental health services, and I have no family so I often find that I have nobody to talk to about these issues. I've been lurking for a while to try and make sense of things and the way I react to things so I thought it may be beneficial for me to talk to people who understand, as I could really do with the support right now. Thank you for listening!

 

[Pauline]

Hi I just read your post and thought I might help. It sounds like you have ptsd and are dealing with trauma this can lead to flashbacks. I think it would be good to try and make your body feel as safe as possible as coming from experience our childhood has a huge impact on us I'm no doctor but your story made me want to help you in some way. The more stronger and resilient you feel inside your body the more you can figure your head out I'm trying to do that myself although my issues from childhood are very different to yours. For me I am trying to break things down and work on what I can fix your trauma may never go away, my memories and flashbacks haven't but I've learnt that if you do everything to try and make yourself feel safe it's a start.
I hope that helps
Much love and support X your not alone

 

[littleoc]

Hello!

I’m glad you found this site.

Don’t give up on finding therapy. I don’t know how it works in the UK, but I know it’s possible, and it sounds like you really, really need it.

It’s hard being without support. You’ll find some here, which I hope will help you.

Welcome!

 

[ladee]

We can't say if you have PTSD or not, but you are welcome here nonetheless. Hope you are finding helpful solutions and feeling like you are going to be understood here. Glad you are here, not glad for the reasons... we all belong to a club we never wanted to join... but you are not alone...

Sorry to hear there is no available help... maybe others from the UK can help you with that... gentle hugs if you accept... if not, that's ok... just save them.. you might need them one day... Very brave to reach out for help !!!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[mumstheword]

It does sound like it could be complex PTSD, it sure sucks though. I hope we can support you here. There is a great book that addresses these kinds of childhood trauma attachment disorder and developmental issues. It's called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving and it's by a guy who has lived through it and is now a therapist, by the name of Pete Walker. If you can't get therapy yet, this might be a good beginning point.
And use the peer support here. We understand how hard it is to survive this kind of early trauma and will be happy to do what we can to ease your way, as much as we can.

 

[Suzetig]

No one here can tell you whether you have PTSD, complex PTSD or any other disorder. The symptom array for PTSD overlaps with lots of other diagnosis (including BPD), and the assessment is fairly complex.

In terms of getting help and support, it’s not impossible to get help through the NHS - it’s not especially easy and there are waiting lists, and you’ll work your way through CBT a few times before being offered anything more constructive but it’s not impossible.

The other route to go down is to look for organisations that work with people who have been abused in childhood. Many organisations offer free counselling/therapy to folk who have experienced sexual abuse, domestic abuse or who are care experienced. I’d start with your local rape crisis or domestic abuse charity and go from there. Also, even if you are through the care system, the local authority has a duty to provide some assistance up until the age of 21 or 25 if you live in Scotland. Again, it’s hard going because resources are scarce so you’ll need to either advocate for yourself or access advocacy services (someone like Who Cares? or MIND might be able to help).

There are lots of self help things you can do too - but having a support system in place is key. What kind of help and care do you have around you just now for day to day living?

 

[wiltedflowers]

No one here can tell you whether you have PTSD, complex PTSD or any other disorder. The symptom array f...

Thank you for your reply! I have been looking at some local charities for help such as the local rape and abuse centre but I think I'm hesitant because that's not the only issue that I have. I am considering going to the GP in the next few weeks to see if there is anything they can offer me, if not then I will have to look into charities such as Mind since I know they do offer counselling. I think I'm just worried about people being dismissive since I've been met with such responses before - I feel like the NHS solution is just to put you on antidepressants and hope for the best! I do have support from the local authority until I'm 25 because I'm at university, but to be honest the support I get is really minimal.

Currently I live with my partner who is extremely supportive which I'm so thankful for, I don't think I could get through it without him. Other than that there's not really anybody, which is why I thought it may be beneficial to join this forum. Thank you everybody for your kind words!

 

[Suzetig]

I wonder if you might find it useful to break things down a bit. Not so much in terms of what’s happened to you but in terms of impact or the symptoms you struggle with.

So, for example, flashbacks are really hard but are a sign your system is trying to process your experiences. There are lots of resources here that can help you start to self manage and ground yourself during flashbacks - or if there’s a specific thing you find difficult post a thread and folk will give you ideas etc.

If you have an issue with underlying anxiety, there are lots of resources to help manage those feelings which might help you feel safe enough day by day. The reality is there’s no one cure all for all of this so a therapist would be initially talking you through how to stabilise your emotions etc. The good news is these are skills you can learn without therapy.

In terms of specific services, don’t worry too much that you’ve had a lot happen to you, they will expect most of their clients to have experienced a range of adversities, unfortunately and will offer a pretty rounded service.

Good idea to join here - there’s a huge wealth of knowledge, experience and support around trauma, from people who are living it too. Do also build connections in your friendships etc - social support is a massive boost to recovery. Not so much people you can talk trauma with, but people who you can relax with, have fun with and who you know care for you.

Well done on getting this far - what an achievement!

 

[bumbleweed]

Hello everybody,
I'm not sure where to begin so I will start with a brief synopsis of my first 20...

Hello
I relate. We may not have exact parallel lives, but I can empathize.

The PTSD workbook: simple, effective techniques for overcoming traumatic stress symptoms (workbook edition) by Mary Beth Williams
ISBN-13: 978-1572242821 ISBN-10: 1572242825
I’ve used this earlier edition. I found great relief from the exercises. Since there’s no family around, maybe you won’t have the ‘slap-back’ I had. It turns out when you start showing signs of recovery, an abuser can smell it from miles away and will pop up like a stalker...

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @wiltedflowers and welcome to the flowers.
I am from the other side of your issue. I was abused as a child and lived with a foster family - but I was a birth child, not a foster child. We had social workers visiting all the time and talking to my (fostered) sister, but nobody thought to ask ME if I was alright. Sadly my sister died aged 25 so I never learned if my father was abusing her too ( I was 6 years younger). If she was abused she must have kept quiet about it just like I did, until I was much older.

Anyway, I have had a lot of very good help from the NHS, so it is there in some places. But if you have other avenues open to you, such as MIND why not give them a try. Therapy can make such a huge difference to how you feel about yourself.

 

[wiltedflowers]

Hello
I relate. We may not have exact parallel lives, but I can empathize.

The PTSD workbook: simpl...

Thank you! I've never really thought of looking into some self help books, since it's the summer I have a lot of free time so I'll definitely see if I can order it to my library :-)

Hi @wiltedflowers and welcome to the flowers.
I am from the other side of your issue...

I'm so sorry you experienced that, that is horrible :( Nowadays there is thankfully a lot of support for birth children now, I know that in my main placement the birth child saw a social worker relatively frequently. I have looked at MIND and some other charities, I think I'm just a bit scared at the moment as it's been so long since I've sought help, but it's definitely something I'll do as I think I really need the support right now