Counsellor developed secondary trauma cause of me

[Secondary trauma]

I've been seeing my counselor for almost a year now, at a rape crisis centre. She's been really helpful and everything but she recently said something to me that is f*cking with me. I have a problem with minimizing my trauma and when I said something along the lines of "what happened wasn't that bad", she told me that she developed secondary trauma after seeing me. I guess she was trying to get me to see that what happened to me was in fact bad but idk now I just feel really bad and that I just shouldn't talk about it anymore. Is it normal for counselors or therapists to tell their patients that?

 

[Stephernovas]

Depending on the context of how she worded it, what a stupid thing to say. If her goal was to get you to see what happened was severe, she could have done a better job.

 

[EveHarrington]

Wow, what a bitch. Pardon my French, but yes, that’s what fits. Secondary trauma? She’s in the wrong profession if she cannot listen to stories of other people’s trauma without going into crisis. I’d seriously tell her this as my ass walked out the door. How DARE she blame her shit on you? Dollars to donuts she has some kind of trauma in her past, tried to do this whole wounded healer thing, but it failed miserably when she heard your story——and instead of being a brave person who directs her anger back toward her abuser, she’s dumping it on you.

Regardless, flush her. She cannot help you anymore.

 

[Suzetig]

Counsellors can develop secondary, or vicarious, trauma if they don’t attend to their own self care properly.

It’s not caused by having one client with a particular trauma, it’s caused by an accumulation of work where the therapist hasn’t balanced their case load - ie too may traumatised clients - hasn’t used support (eg supervision), is working too many hours and not having breaks, doing things they enjoy, exercising, eating properly etc.

In other words if your T honestly has secondary trauma it’s entirely their responsibility and they probably shouldn’t be working with anyone just now (secondary trauma symptoms are similar to PTSD and you wouldn’t want a T with active PTSD working with you). Secondary trauma is a risk for anyone working with vulnerable people - I work in a different kind of role but know the risks because they apply to my work too.

I’d change T if you can, my guess is she’s used a poor choice of words and actually means she was impacted by your experience (which is fair enough), but thinks secondary trauma sounds more technical - which suggests inexperience. In any event if she’s developing secondary trauma it’s a clear sign she’s on the road to burn out and that alone would make me want to leave.

 

[hithere]

she may have been kind of exageratiing trying to get you to see what you went through is not "normal" and severe. She may have had a "response" to your trauma story that is secondary trauma. That doesn't mean she didn't get help with it or take care of herself. It may just mean she thought about it throughout a couple days and thought about you. It may just mean she cared about what happened to you, and you should care too. I have a friend who is a nurse who sometimes cries on her way home and needs to deal with what she sees so she can take care of her own kids without seeing the kids she has to take care of whom are suffering. It doesn't mean she isn't taking care of herself. Perhaps she could have used better ways, but honestly she is a human being. I think a human beings natural response sometimes is helpful. Like "wow" you see this as small, I was really sad and effected by your story, because I am a human with human emotions and I care. Counselors aren't perfect. I know it may feel like you shouldn't share, but you should absolutely. There is a really hard pain I feel because my counselor just stares at me expressionless and tells me they don't feel anything about what happened to me. It confuses me and makes me think I should continue to minimize. it also hurts like I was alone when it happened, I'm paying someone to help me deal with it in, and I am still alone in it. According the diagnoses Minimizing keeps ptsd in place. Perhaps she is trying to wake you up to self acceptance of the event. ?

 

[Suzetig]

She may have had a "response" to your trauma story that is secondary trauma

Secondary trauma is a clinical response to trauma - not feeling a bit sad, not caring for someone and not thinking about them for a couple of days - but having a trauma response to someone else’s trauma.

Feeling sad for patients, hoping they’re ok, thinking about the best way to help them are all perfectly reasonable when we work with vulnerable people. But secondary trauma has a specific meaning that goes beyond all of that and is about the person not looking after themselves.

Either the T used a term she didn’t understand and wasn’t in fact traumatised by her work or she used it for effect, or she’s not in a great place to be working - any of those options would mean I couldn’t work with her.

 

[Friday]

idk now I just feel really bad and that I just shouldn't talk about it anymore.

That’s like saying you shouldn’t go to the doctor to get your broken leg set, because the doctor might break their own leg, slipping and falling in your blood as they try and maneuver the bone. (This was how my next door neighbor a few years back broke their leg) :O_o: Or shouldn’t call the police when someone is trying to kill you, because they might kill the officer. Or shouldn’t call the fire department when your house is on fire, because one of the firefighters might get burned.

Professions have risks.

One of the MANY risks of working in Psych is secondary trauma. And, no, that’s not the client’s fault.

The people working in those professions choose to take on those risks. It’s NOT your job to decide what they can & cannot handle. It’s theirs.

And, no, it’s not normal for a professional to start shifting blame onto their clients / patients / customers / etc. It happens. A firefighter starts shouting at the victims of a house fire, a doctor chews out a patient for the cold they caught, a therapist blames their client.

That’s a sign the PROFESSIONAL is unwell, and not doing their job, and needs to make changes in how they do things. Not the other way around.

 

[blackemerald1]

Is it normal for counselors or therapists to tell their patients that?

It's ok for them to let you know that your trauma is significant and to discuss why you may be minimising it.

You are not responsible for this therapists comment (whether true or not) that she has acquired a secondary injury from therapy with you.

I totally agree with Suziteg and Friday.

Find another therapist.

 

[Juls33]

I think that is super unprofessional of the councillor. Anyone working in the field of PTSD should know that saying such things would trigger guilt and other triggers of negative feelings that a survivor already feels. I would say get a new councillor and make sure to discuss this issue with the councillor.

 

[Scarlet13]

I agree with all the others.
Not normal at all.
She crossed a boundary to tell you that.
It isn't your story specifically, but more her capacity to handle it.
She may have been trying to validate your experience but ended up blaming you.
I get why you would feel bad about sharing, but that was a shitty response.
If she wanted to validate you, she could have said that your situation was bad, was a violation, she could have kept it about you.
I was struggling with minimization and my T did subtle things like calling my abuser a perpetrator and pointing out how she groomed me.
I hope you can get a better T!

 

[MyWillow]

Yep @Suzetig nailed it for me.

Vicarious trauma is a risk for therapists but it’s cumulative over their case load and their responsibility to manage it. And theirs alone.

I got shitty with my T and flat out denied I was traumatised (still do but that’s for another thread lol) and she talked about vicarious trauma in general but not specifically related to me. I still took it a bit personally but that says more about me than it does her ;)