Cursed life?

[FauxLiz]

Have you ever wondered if you were born cursed? I am nearing 50 and I just wonder how much one person should have to take?

I have 26 days to find a place to live pack and move. Which means I have 20 days or less to find a job. Also I received a letter from my STD company saying they overpaid me just over $5,200 and I have to pay it back. I went out to run errands at lunch got a flat tire my spare was flat and I had to wait over two hours for the tow truck to take me to the tire shop where I bought the 4 tires that I have needed for 6 months as the others were showing sidewall steel.

I came home last week a week early from River Oaks because of a job interview which I should have turned down as I arrived and new I couldn’t work there but then again I am in desperate mode job wise we worked on my suicidal issues but apparently didn’t beat it because I am right back there wanting to end things. I am so tired of fighting life to stay here I am just so tired.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I hear you and am so sorry you find yourself in such a challenging place...that's a ton of pressure, hopefully you can find a way to equalize.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @FauxLiz - it sounds like you are getting very frustrated and just that small glimpse into your life as you described it isn't great at all. I don't know about being cursed but I do think if it is going to go wrong, it probably will. So I try very hard to plan for the worst and hope for the best outcome. I'm not always good at doing this and I get very tired of having 'contingency' plans in place...so tired.

I feel like this is not a proper way to live. Why should stupid dumb things just keep piling on? I assume they do for other ppl too. Not just me. I could not be that unique and I don't believe in being cursed. I have a invisible force field around me that repels all curses :smug: So if all this crap happens to other people why am the only one that is so tired? Why isn't everyone else so tired too?

Then you write about it and I think oh yes..finally someone who is sick of sh**t happening and is really very tired. I am in your world - I get it.

So the tiredness or fatigue I can totally understand. I don't have any answers apart from taking a moment to regroup, reset and move forward to the next goal and remember to then rest again.

I can assure you it doesn't take a curse for people to get flat tyres. In fact a few months ago I had to do all of mine too because they were in the same condition you described yours were in. Tow truck drivers or road side assistance are incredibly slow when you are waiting. That is what they do best I think. - make people wait on the side of the road...

In fact there is always something crap coming on around the corner to 'deal with'. I am certain everyone has this curious problem. They either deal with it better than I do or they don't and I don't see them not dealing with it at all well. Idk..

we worked on my suicidal issues but apparently didn’t beat it

I'm sorry you feel you're back where you started. Wasn't there anything that helped at all?

Did all the good work get undone by coming home to accommodation/financial/employment/transport crisis?

 

[FauxLiz]

Thank you @MrMoonlight i discussed last resort options for living which would be to move 1200 miles to move back in with my father but my family is so toxic my inpatient therapist told me he couldn't forbid me from moving back home but that based on our conversations it would be detrimental and damaging to me if i were to move there. He didn't even know that the closest possible therapist that does anything but family or teen counseling would be at minimum a 2.5 hour drive one way. It is just very rural and is the house and "homestead" I grew up in and was abuse in many times and since its 20 miles from town well at least I could have peace and quiet.

 

[Still Standing]

I am so sorry for your struggles. They sound miserable. Would there be a charity that could help you get into an apartment? I know in our area, Pastors have lists of organizations that can help in various emergency needs. It might be worth a couple of calls to see if they would be able to give you some assistance or point you to someone who can. I wish I could help you more. I sooo hope you are able to find something for yourself without having to rely on your father. Please keep us updated as to how you are doing.

 

[FauxLiz]

No charity can help because what my income was before I became disabled and unemployed I don’t qualify for assistance I can try but it will be this vicious circle I apply to rent an apartment and they ask for proof of income but I lost my job and don’t have disability income at this point all I have is my savings which is what is left of my employment severance so no go and with no job and no place to live I am limited with options

 

[FauxLiz]

So got a call tonight job I interviewed for last week giving me a conditional offer. But I’m the 2nd choice 1st decided they didn’t want it. I should be thrilled but I’m not asked for 24 hours and got emergency appointment with T tomorrow morning my gut says I don’t want this job my head tells me I can’t afford to not take it. I don’t trust this yes this is what I wanted a job a direction but it feels like it is too good to true

 

[blackemerald1]

@FauxLiz - it doesn't matter if you are the second choice. What matter's is they rang you and offered you a job. So congratulations on that! :hug::)

Surviving financially must be up at the top of your list of concerns. It sort of works down from there doesn't it? Accommodation will be easier to get bc you have the finances. You will be able to afford to eat and breathe and do not forget....if you hate the job - you can apply for another whilst still employed. I see young people doing that all the time these days.

Rejecting a job bc you have a bad feeling without any real evidence to support your doubts and when you really, really need employment right now is not sound judgement.

I am not suggesting you sell your soul to the devil.

Please be a little kinder on yourself. The first person who took rejected the job offer could have fallen off a cliff and be in a neck brace right now. You have really no idea why they rejected the offer. It doesn't necessarily reflect anything on the employer.

I think this is good news. It is what you need right now. It doesn't need to be a permanent career move but trust yourself and take a leap of faith. :hug:

 

[FauxLiz]

@blackemerald1 thank you! My concerns about not being first choice come from the fact that this position reports directly to a board and that is who interviewed me. If I wasn’t their first choice it means at least one member starts with the belief I am not the best qualified. As for rejecting because I may not like it, it is a position in government and not liking the community that you are appointed to lead could be a recipe for disaster and my professional ethics code requires I stay 2 years if I accept unless major extenuating circumstances apply. It is a major life altering decision I have to make.

But weighing heavy in the favor of accepting is the financial breathing room and realization that 2 years somewhere I hate is a short period in my life.

 

[barefoot]

Sorry that you’re under a lot of pressure at the moment @FauxLiz
I don’t believe in anyone having “a cursed life” but it certainly sounds like you are having a run of bad luck and hard knocks.

On the job front:

My concerns about not being first choice come from the fact that this position reports directly to a board and that is who interviewed me. If I wasn’t their first choice it means at least one member starts with the belief I am not the best qualified

The thing is, in any job involving an interview panel (Board level or lower) it can be pretty difficult to get a consensus re who is the right candidate. Often, someone is required to compromise and be persuaded out of their choice to go with the majority. You don’t actually know whether the person they offered to first was every board member’s first choice.

I also wouldn’t assume that someone thinks you’re not the best qualified. You don’t know what criteria was used that gave the other person the edge over you to get offered the job first. In a pool of a number of strong candidates, where everyone is well qualified and could do a great job, it often comes down to little things to see who has the slight edge over someone else. It could be anything - trying to balance out personalities in a team; someone being a known quantity from previous dealings; someone living nearer/further away; other skills/experience not directly related to the role but maybe of interest/useful in the future...
You just don’t know. I wouldn’t assume at all that you being their second choice reflects negatively on you - it doesn’t generally mean that someone didn’t like you, thought you weren’t qualified enough, isn’t confident you’ll do a good job etc. If those things were true, they wouldn’t be offering it to you at all - they would be asking someone else or starting the recruitment process again.

requires I stay 2 years if I accept unless major extenuating circumstances apply.

I’m sure if you took it and absolutely hated it to the point where you felt you couldn’t stay, you would be able to find some major extenuating circumstances…?

I’m not pushing you to take a job if you really, really don’t want it.

But if it could be worth a go, it could really help on the housing/finance front, which could create a whole lot of stability for the other stuff you have going on too.

Just please don’t base your decision on what you’re making up about someone on the board not wanting to make you the first offer.

 

[FauxLiz]

So it has been a few days since I accepted the position. I have a call with the attorney tomorrow to negotiate my contract don’t feel really solid but mostly because I am hoping to not have a residency requirement as I would love to live in the country again and I want to make sure that I protect myself again if I were to find myself out of a job as the board changes and wants a fresh perspective.

 

[Fadeaway]

I can relate. Yes, I feel cursed. I don't think I have had a period of life with out some kind of problem that would have been preventable for more than a few weeks at a time.