Childhood False memories that i lived by, please help.

[Serendipity26]

Hi, this is a pretty long story but I want to make it short.

If anyone knows anything about false memories please feel free to comment and even share your experiences with them.

I recently got in it with my parents because I truly belived that my mom used to hit me and my siblings with a belt when we misbehaved. Not just on the bum but everywhere. I have 4 accounts of this happening and even small memories (when i was still a child) of my siblings and I shutting up and being quiet when my parents would open their dresser drawers because it was their way of warning us that we would get it if we didn't stop what we were doing.

Fast forward and i haven't talked to my mom in about 2 years really because I was upset about it; yet, when i finally confronted her about it both her and my dad said it never happened.

I want to truly believe them but there is a tinge of doubt in the back of my mind due to other instances: i was about 14 and my siblings were watching a show with my mom where this guy got hit with a belt by his dad and my mom commented along the lines of its a shame that parents punish that way and that it is probably just a tradition thing or something.

I thought that comment was weird because in my mind i remember her doing that to us when we were like 5 or 6 but i didn't say anything because i thought it was her way of apologizing and I didn't see it as bad at all or abusive back then.

But since I had the memories at 14 and it didn't appear randomly in some sort of repressed fashion I feel like they could be real.

Also on thr other hand my mom also said things like i was a bad kid and was always getting whooped so what do i believe? (Although now I'm wondering if I just had a vivid imagination bc my moms comment was very innocent especially if she actually never hit us)

Other instances that create doubt on bith sides include me just being able to relate to people that got punished that way and seeing it as normal especially on tv but being embarrassed by it nonetheless. I've never talked to anyone about it because of shame and embarrasment and if i see it or hear it happening to anyone i get physically sick. I'm easily triggered by parents even hitting their kids and would never consider hitting my kids ever.

My conclusion is that maybe it was just used as a threat by my parents and they never did anything, maybe I just had a very vivid imagination as a kid and some wild dreams that i probably thought were real?

My last resort would be to ask my siblings but if I'm wrong i don't want them to think I'm crazy. Although I seriously think I might be at this point and I don't trust my memories at all.

Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for your comments. Sorry if this was confusing foe anyone, I'm just trying to figure out how i could create such a thing in my head and truly believe it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you want them to be false memories because life would be so much easier that way.

False memories aren’t as common as the media wants you to believe. Why would your mind make these things up? I mean you don’t hear stories about people making up memories about awesome vacations to Hawaii, right? The false memory phenomenon was initially begun by abusive parents who wanted to cover up their tracks.

You have multiple memories of being beaten. It’s not really likely that your mind is making this up.

 

[Serendipity26]

I think you want them to be false memories because life would be so much easier that way.

False...

I'm not sure. I don't know what to believe anymore but I think if they both said that it wasn't true then it must not have been...I want to talk to my siblings about it to confirm but if I'm wrong they'll probably think I'm crazy haha which I don't want.

I know it seems bizarre to create these in my mind and the memories pretty much match up with my mom and dads characteristics which makes me still question if it happened or not. And maybe they didnt mean harm and realized what they were doing wasn't right or something because its not like they lasted for long it stopped atleast before i was 8 or 9.

This whole thing is crazy and makes me feel like I'm in the twilight zone.. But like i said every memory matched the characteristics of the people that were in them which makes it more believable..i guess before I go on a tangent do you know if there's any way to know if they were real or not besides asking my siblings? If not i guess i should just confirm with them and all well that ends well lol..and I'll sign up for therapy for having such crazy imaginations.

But thanks for your comment and I'm taking what you said in consideration minus my parents being abusive atleast intentionally.

 

[EveHarrington]

Your siblings may not be able to confirm anything.

In MANY families only one kid gets abused.

If your siblings say no, it still doesn’t mean your memories are false.

Really you have to trust in your own mind.

Your mom has motive to lie.

Your dad has motive to lie.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

I struggled with the same doubt regarding 2 instances of abuse that I still have not fully come to terms with it's hard to explain, I tried to erase the memory(unconsciously or not) yet if I still go by where the events occurred I start trembling

 

[Serendipity26]

Your siblings may not be able to confirm anything.

In MANY families only one kid gets abused....

The more i think about it the more i feel everything was real. But you're right i was young but my siblings were younger so there's a chance that they may not even remember at all. And my memory is usually very sharp. I remember alot that usually is confirmed by the people around me. If it wasn't real then as i said before it makes no sense as it was very real. I have no idea how my mind could come up with things like that.. The memories werent bizarre or way exaggerated just normal scenarios of us getting in trouble.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

The more i think about it the more i feel everything was real. But you're right i was young but m...

Serendipity have you been diagnosed with any other conditions?

False Memories, especially when you look at the origin of the term was created by people on trial for familiar sexual abuse. The term has been used by many people and groups as a smoke screen for actual abuse as a form of gaslighting "oh no they are crazy there was no abuse it's all false memories"

 

[Serendipity26]

Serendipity have you been diagnosed with any other conditions?

No, i was just a really quiet kid afraid of getting in trouble alot. Always wanting to please my parents and everyone around me. Now that im older if I had a therapist I think i might be diagnosed with depression or anxiety but i don't have a therapist or anything. I really think this stuff happened but my parents said it didn't. I could go on and on about reasons why i think it did and reasons for my doubt as well. But its such a risky topic that i may as well just say it didn't and if it turns out it did later atleast i know i wasn't crazy...but if its fake its really scaring me how i could remember different accounts of things that never happened. I wish there was a way i could talk to you (all) in private as I don't want to post too many details in public because it would probably help me get things straightened out.

I struggled with the same doubt regarding 2 instances of abuse that I still have not fully come t...

Yes, it's so confusing not knowing what/ who to believe or trust. I'm guessing by the post that your memories turned out to be true? How did you realize they were true and not false? I wish i had someone to distinguish the two. I don't think these were repressed as much as I didn't acknowledge them when i was younger. As i said in the post i had them atleast since 14 so they didn't pop out of nowhere but i saw them as normal being that young too so i wasn't mad about it either. I could see where it goes i I confirm with my siblings but they were really young so it probably wouldn't help much. I heard it was common to have false memories but i always thought they were less serious. If this is real i don't see why my parents are making a big deal about it as it seemed like a common way to "discipline" they know that I'm resentful though.

Also I forgot to add this something that makes it more confusing is that I would get embarrassed whenever someone would ask me if i was ever hit as a kid and would pretend that i never was. I would pretend that i didn't even know that type of stuff happened due to shame and embarrassment. I guess to put it in lucid terms.. I was highly self counsious about it. Later as a kid i would pretend that i got grounded instead because I liked the way it sounded and it was my preferred upbringing. As an adult i had've friends that went through what i (thought) i did and when we talked about punishments i skipped over mine and would just go to the later stuff like getting grounded as a teen but even then as i described it my friends didn't find it funny and said i was abused due to how my siblings and i were being grounded and how it was over something that they saw as small. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have struggled with what i just found out to be false memories if not all my childhood then atleast for the past 3-5 years. And now I'm told that it never happened. I created my own struggle. Cue twilight zone music. I will add that most of my other memories are confirmed and it typically astonishes my parents how much i remember from childhood.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

In MANY families only one kid gets abused.

If your siblings say no, it still doesn’t mean your memories are false.

. @Serendipity26 It is this way with my family and on top of that it's a closed system with my mother being a narcissist and controlling the dissemination of information about anything. That's the norm with narcissists.

That being said, I had a therapist instill false memories into me. So I have both experiences of being the only kid in my family getting the brunt of the abuse (one of my brothers was abused) and actually false memories.

 

[MyWillow]

Yeah my Dad lost his shit and went into full blown denial when I reminded him that he used to hit me as a kid. I remember peeing my pants in terror.

My brother has this weird bio on his website where he raves about growing up on a farm. Um. We moved 8 times by the time I was 12. Yeah. And who has the false memories?

 

[Muttly]

I know how confusing it is not to be believed. Like you, my family, all of them, seem to be invested in remembering/describing things differently than I remember. That sort of experience can make you feel very unreal and doubt everything. I will agree with others that your family, including your siblings, have reasons to not admit what happened. And I truly believe sometimes abusers rationalize what they did so deeply that they actually seem to understand what happened differently.

Some things for you to ponder
Do you have a tendency of fabricating things?
What do you gain by creating this false memory?
What happens if you believes the memory is true?

 

[Deleted member 8714]

It took me a long time to stop denying what had happened to me.