There must be a more ancient origin to this, but I have very big fear of the authorities. In 2011 I learned that my mom, aunt and grandmom were in a concentration camp, and I am aware that since childhood, even though nobody talked about this, I had images, and irrational fear of police, soldiers, authorities' violence, administrative violence, etc.
In 2011, I got arrested for wearing a funny t-shirt, the wrong place, the wrong date, together with some friends. It was surreal (no, not in the USA). They kept us for 6 or 7 hours in a little cell, deprived of all our personal stuff and our dignity. None of us had a record or actually done something. I was a respectable teacher and parent and would never have thought this could happen to me, totally out of the blue: talking with a friend, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and they cuffed me. For years I was afraid of sirens, vans, uniforms.
Then lately I went through an immigration procedure. Authorities came to check our status, and went into our most private intimacy, in all kinds of ways: home visits, auditions with dozens of very personal questions.. One of the people who did this was very abusive and intimidating, when they came to our home but also later, on the phone: shouting at us, yelling that they didn't believe us, that they said "NO" to our file.
Meanwhile, everything is ok: our file got cleared, we have our papers, we have our freedom, because all the inquiries were positive, and we have not done anything wrong, not in this country or in any other.
But here I am. When I see a van with officers, and they make a sudden move like the other night, I get an adrenaline shot. I am so afraid. Yes, of those guys I don't even dare name. Those guys who yelled at us, who threatened to imprison and send away my partner. Those guys who came into or very private life and judged us.
They scare me. The abuse, in my family we have seen what it can lead to. They follow orders, and then they go a bit further. In our immigration procedure we suffered a lot, also of administrative harrassment, and falsification of the facts that were in the file, in order to refuse us.
I know my trauma is intergenerational, and renewed. I get all shaky. I have bad dreams about these authorities. I always have to watch what is going on whenever I hear sirens. I feel like somebody can come and accuse me of something, even though I have done nothing wrong.
I am not paranoid, but I know how these horrors could make somebody paranoid.
Right now I am doing EFT, and I see a therapist who does EMDR.
I wonder, because I felt that this wound was opened up recently, if there is something else I can do. I am seeing my therapist again in three days, and I can feel the EFT really helped me. I did EFT for vets, because in a way I have been in a position of helping, and I got violated. It is so unfair.
Am I the only one with irrational fear of police, city authorities, customs, this kind of "services"?
In 2011, I got arrested for wearing a funny t-shirt, the wrong place, the wrong date, together with some friends. It was surreal (no, not in the USA). They kept us for 6 or 7 hours in a little cell, deprived of all our personal stuff and our dignity. None of us had a record or actually done something. I was a respectable teacher and parent and would never have thought this could happen to me, totally out of the blue: talking with a friend, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and they cuffed me. For years I was afraid of sirens, vans, uniforms.
Then lately I went through an immigration procedure. Authorities came to check our status, and went into our most private intimacy, in all kinds of ways: home visits, auditions with dozens of very personal questions.. One of the people who did this was very abusive and intimidating, when they came to our home but also later, on the phone: shouting at us, yelling that they didn't believe us, that they said "NO" to our file.
Meanwhile, everything is ok: our file got cleared, we have our papers, we have our freedom, because all the inquiries were positive, and we have not done anything wrong, not in this country or in any other.
But here I am. When I see a van with officers, and they make a sudden move like the other night, I get an adrenaline shot. I am so afraid. Yes, of those guys I don't even dare name. Those guys who yelled at us, who threatened to imprison and send away my partner. Those guys who came into or very private life and judged us.
They scare me. The abuse, in my family we have seen what it can lead to. They follow orders, and then they go a bit further. In our immigration procedure we suffered a lot, also of administrative harrassment, and falsification of the facts that were in the file, in order to refuse us.
I know my trauma is intergenerational, and renewed. I get all shaky. I have bad dreams about these authorities. I always have to watch what is going on whenever I hear sirens. I feel like somebody can come and accuse me of something, even though I have done nothing wrong.
I am not paranoid, but I know how these horrors could make somebody paranoid.
Right now I am doing EFT, and I see a therapist who does EMDR.
I wonder, because I felt that this wound was opened up recently, if there is something else I can do. I am seeing my therapist again in three days, and I can feel the EFT really helped me. I did EFT for vets, because in a way I have been in a position of helping, and I got violated. It is so unfair.
Am I the only one with irrational fear of police, city authorities, customs, this kind of "services"?
