All i want to do is run

[WAgirl]

Slept horribly, waking up multiple times panicky or feeling awful. Been flooded all day with memories/feelings and all I want to do is get in my car and drive until the tank is dry. I don't care where I just want to chuck everything and go. If I end up under a rock somewhere, so be it.

 

[Freida]

been there done that. I'm a huge runner. And I've learned that all I end up with is an empty tank of gas and a different location to think about the same problems.
Don't get me wrong- I still do it. But gas is so expensive now I try to plan a bit better these days.
Sometimes you just have to ride it out and that totally sucks. It's ok to reach out for help
Is there anywhere you can go that helps you feel safe? Family? Friends? Hospital?
Do you have a T you can call? Or a crisis line?
Maybe a call into your doctor for something to help you calm down?

If you decide to take off let someone know where you end up so they don't freak out when they cant find you. Go somewhere you can stay that is safe. I never thought about this stuff until I began reading the supporter journals and realized how much it hurts them. Even when I truly didn't think they cared that I took off.

I'm sorry you are going through this and that I don't have any better words of wisdom. But I do know how you feel. And it sucks.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Slept horribly, waking up multiple times panicky or feeling awful

Me too :(
I think I need my prazosin dose upped again. But I have to wait till thursday for that :(
Oh well.
I have to fight my desire to run a lot. I don't want to drive far anymore honestly, but, I just want to go be somewhere I know my abuser couldn't be expecting me to be. He knows where I live, so, if the fear of him showing up, or if noises I am hearing, or anything is triggering me in the wrong sort of way, I will want to get the f*ck out. Maybe that would be there even if he didn't know where I live - I have no idea, because I haven't lived anywhere else yet, with PTSD. It's been a little over 6 months since I freed myself from him. It's gotten better at times, and worse at other times - the desire to run. It's usually tied to stimuli triggering me and making me feel too unsafe.

And I've learned that all I end up with is an empty tank of gas and a different location to think about the same problems.

This.
Changing locations just makes me be all triggered and anxious in a different place. The only comfort I get in it is that he can't possibly know where I am, but I continue to worry that he will just happen to be there, or just happen to run into me, or just happpen to be behind any f*cking door I see, around any corner, etc.

 

[Deleted member 46841]

We all want to run away and have suicidal thoughts but we can't do that as it would hurt people believe I wanted out so many times mama but no can't do it I have a son that would be so f'd up if I did suicide I dealation it comes with ptsd I feel u find one good thing that keeps u going just one thing even if its just me (although I am fd up myself but could help)

 

[Joan]

So sorry that it is so rough right now. I get that desire to run and it so sucks to live in that level of fear. Hoping that you find something to take care of you over the next hours. Take sweet care of you.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

I have been in the same mode lately as I recently was triggered and new threats came into my life, sending good vibes to you in this time

 

[WAgirl]

I'm in therapy but still trying to find my way, I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I feel like I'm just going nuts most of the time. Taking off wouldn't change much but the scenery, but I'm alone now even in a room full of people I know or family. Being alone around people who don't know me at all might be better at least that's what my brain tells me. I just want to disappear. I can't remember anymore what it was like not to feel so low and spent. I really appreciate this place a lot though and to hear from other people who know what this is like.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

I'm in therapy but still trying to find my way, I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I...

I'm currently going through the same thing, the heightened fear I'm dealing with is spiking my OCD causing me to get stuck, however I;m still torn atm in what to do. btw are you facing a threat?

 

[WAgirl]

@TommySunlight I'm sorry you're feeling like this too. No, I'm lucky that my threat is long gone but my brain doesn't know it I guess. Just this much acknowledgement brings the tears on. Its a mess.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

Thanks sending my regards you way as well. rejoice in knowing your threat is a thing of the past. use that comfort as a stepping stone for your healing process even though it seems hard at this moment it will deescalate in time with the proper approaches, maybe try some somatic exspressions Peter Levine is a good resource for that