I am in that dumb, but typical scenario of thinking it will get better just because there are a few days sprinkled in.
It isn't dumb. It is real. It's called the Cycle of Abuse and it's circular. It just keeps spinning around the micro dynamics of the 4 points listed below to make its own macro dynamic.
Cycle of abuse - Wikipedia
1. Tension Building
2. Acute Violence
3. Reconciliation/Honeymoon
4, Calm
You aren't stupid. Very smart people get caught up in this. Especially stay at home parents because the power dynamic makes it impossible to have power unless the one with power hands it to you.
Cameras with microphone are hidden in house.
Last I heard, he can use those feeds in a court of law as long as he has told you about them. I would suggest, if this is still the way it is, that you don't tell anyone about your knowledge of them.
And one would ask, why would he use those? He would only use flattering feeds of himself. See? Look at what a great father I am. Anyway, no idea if this is still relevant, but I would check it out before you tell anyone you know about the cameras.
I know leaving must be done just not sure what to do.
Get support from a women's outreach agency if there is one around. They are actually better than shelters in my experience. There is also a place called DASA here in Canada (Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault). They were excellent because they were able to gauge whether I was in danger or not. Perhaps you have something like this agency where you are?
Don't let him know anything is up. Don't clue him in at all. When you leave, I would suggest that Friday is correct. There is a short window where people actually care about domestic violence. In that short window you can find safe housing, financial support, counseling, and general safety aware from your house.
Do you have a car? If so, always make sure there is gas in it. Get a spare set of keys made OR make sure your set of keys are not at all accessible to your partner. This is very, very important. Just in case you need to leave ASAP.
I also am afraid of him having any type of visitation with kids. I feel like if I’m not there, god knows what would happen if a temper comes on.
This is what I refer to as a double bind. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I lost on this one but in retrospect, I wouldn't have won either way. It is a trap. And unfortunately most abusers want what the victim wants (the children) not because they want to love and take care of the children, but rather for the sake of taking your power away from you. Kids are a big asset to these types and they will do just about everything they can to use them no matter what the cost.
There is no real answer here except if you reach out to agencies that are actually good at helping the victim and children, they may be able to guide you as to how you can prove him unfit and a danger to the kids. Knowing approximately where you live would be a help. Maybe we can help you find local resources.
Have a cell phone nearby at all times (especially in the house). Back pocket or on your person is best if you can.
I have documented everything that occurred in journals with date and details. Not sure if that even holds up in a court.
Smart. No it doesn't. Not in my country.province anyway. Keep journaling so that once you are out of this you can read back on them so you don't feel like you have gone stark raving mad. I needed what I had written to keep me grounded and for validation for myself. This shit gets ugly and you need to keep it all based in reality if you are going to protect those children of yours.
He uses them to look like father and husband of the year when anyone is around.
Yeah, this is what I was mentioning about the videos he is taping. His type will use them to his advantage.
and the fact he takes meds while drinking large amounts?!
This isn't illegal as far as I know. It's stupid and irresponsible but nothing else. You could go to children's aid with it but that is risky and I wouldn't do it unless you had a good solid agency that specialized in DV before you do that. Keep in mind as well that if you go to counseling before you go to stay in a shelter, that the counselor will have to report anything that sounds abusive that is going on in the house. I am thinking he won't be too happy when he finds out that there was a report that he is being abusive - so maybe keep that in mind. You want to have complete control as to what your actions will be while planning your getting out of there - not leave it to someone else. You will have gut feelings that will be important. Others won't know the nuances.
He has 2 friends who work at the local dept. and would tip him off.
Right. Of course he does. I understand. So there is no safety unless you just disappear then - does that sound about right?
“suicide”, anything out of the ordinary...to find my husband...he did it...and please keep my kids from him.
Yes. Smart. I also had one printed that I gave to 2 friends to keep for the same reason.
because who knows where all these cameras are.
Are you clearing caches, history, making sure passwords aren't saved etc?
text from work and know exactly what I’m doing.
So if there is ever any doubt in your mind along the way you see that this is him doing this with malicious intent? He isn't just blinding following a pattern of behaviour that he isn't aware of.
f*ck. So he has a tracking device perhaps in it too. So that makes the car not safe perhaps. Does he ever know where you are driving when you are in the car?
Get proof of him beating you within an inch of your life with kids there.
As far as I know this isn't admissible in court unless he knows he is being taped. I would check the current laws on this.
Also, any chance you can tell your doctor that you need help leaving the home? Again, I wouldn't tell the doctor details until you are out because I believe they are mandated to disclose as well.
How old are the children?
