Yes it has taken me a few sessions to even breach the subject of my history.im learning it has to do with toxic shame and other maladaptive coping techniques. As hard as it is its crucial you be honest with your T after all this is their job a good t won't judge you
Thank you! Honestly, just hearing that I'm not alone in that is amazing.
Np sending good vibes...i know for me personally that much of my embarrassment/disgusting feelings were rooted in shame and guilt. which came about from myself not properly processing my traumas on top of having preexisting anxiety disorders. The traumas added on top overwhelmed me, I think for me it was basically a survival mechanism that developed because I never processed and released my traumas causing them to turn inwards and replay over and over again. It's crucial you be honest with your therapist as you will need a knowledgable person to help guide you in this process of soothing the fear and trembling of trauma, as some speculate such feelings form from that fear never being processed. Sorry if that is disjointed just hope it helps and wishing you all the best on your journey :)
Yes, absolutely.
Time :)
This. If it's something that's super hard for me to tell my pdoc (who gives me EMDR), but I can manage to force myself to say it, It'll be like one or two words that sum it up even if very vaguely, and she gets the point, or knows what to ask, and tends to be really good about asking in a way that makes it easier for me to answer, if that makes sense.
Like so many others have said, I think shame plays a role here for me too. I am working on understanding that as a child, I was not responsible for what happened..no matter what adult roles I was forced into in my family. All I can say is that it is a process. When T first told me it was not my fault, I would either dissociate or get angry. Now, I am starting to feel sadness and grief for what happened. But that is a process that takes time. I spent the first six months of therapy developing tools to help me function. Then, it just kind of happened one day that I told my T the first little bit of my story. The thing I like about this T is that they don't ask for details. I only tell what I am ready to tell when I am ready. If there is too much at one time, T will slow me down, but other than that, I am in control of the telling of my story. Gradually, it is coming out. There is a lot more to tell, and I am a year into therapy. But I am learning that I need to be able to dip my toe into the past and then return to the present. And I am learning to feel again, something that is very frightening for me. I think in telling my story slowly, I am developing more trust, which is gradually enabling me to share more of what happened over the years. If I had to sit down with any therapist, including my current T, and say everything that happened, it would never work.
