What things are important in trauma therapy / in the therapeutic relationship?

[Freemartin]

So a good t also makes sure you are in a good enough shape to go back to "the real world" and go on with your day. Mine does this too and it gives me a fuzzy feeling of being taken care of.

Is it important to you, colleagues, this feeling of being taken care of?

And what about empathy? Do you need/appreciate the sense that your t is attuned and empathetic? Or do you not want them to relate in an emotional level?

 

[bellbird]

Is it important to you, colleagues, this feeling of being taken care of?

Definitely

And what about empathy? Do you need/appreciate the sense that your t is attuned and empathetic?

I do. Not that I need to visibly see her sharing in my difficulty, but just the way she responds and treats me shows that she is empathetic.

 

[Changing4Best]

She gave me her email address and also her phone # (with extension), saying use in case of emergency or "just because" if it is important. She does not answer emails, but she does read them. She will answer her phone. I mostly just need someone to communicate TO in the middle of the week, not so much someone to communicate with. So I will email her what is going on if something comes up. Then she knows about it, so if we need to discuss it during the next session, she is prepared.

So far I have not gone down any ''rabbit holes" that I know of during sessions, but if I were to do so, I sure hope she would be able to catch it, rescue me and help me get grounded before the end of the session.

I hope that she can be on time, as I travel by transit, and well, I hate to mess with that schedule!

I feel she respects me, as she does not talk down to me. She is actually impressed with some of my accomplishments.

She has been willing to keep some stuff I have written for me (in my file), since if I were to die, I would not want it to be found in my possession. Stuff that is very super personal is not stuff I want my heirs reading!

 

[ladee]

I don't do well with 'feeling taken care of', (work to do here :) ), but if I know my T is empathetic, that goes a million miles in the trust department.

And to be heard. My best T ever, knew it was important for me to find my own answers. Tho she was of course doing many thing to guide me and get me to think of things from different perspectives.

She 'read' me very well, and I always felt safe with her. She knew on some level, that asking me to look at her, was not the way to go. She was very intuitive. But I never felt like I was under a microscope. It was very empowering for me to finally look her in the eye. She had patience, that I so desperately needed.

 

[Teamwork]

This has been a powerful thread for me. Gives me a sense of recognition of what my t is doing as others write about it. It’s either because it’s standard trauma skills the t should have and use or we have some pretty decent t’s on here. Either way I’m feeling very grateful for mine at the moment.

Mine does this too.

If we cover something big, afterwards she'll ask me to stop and check in with her - let her know how I'm feeling, notice my surroundings.
Or if in the midst of covering something big she notices I get way overwhelmed, she'll ask me to do the same - pause, take a couple of deep breaths (she'll breathe with me), ask me to focus on something in the room; her feet for instance, if I'm looking at the floor, and to remind me that she's there with me and we are in a safe space.
Or actually before we tackle something big she'll often do the same.

She also knows that I often am (irrationally) really afraid that she will be angry/upset/disappointed in me when I talk about things from my past, so in those instances she'll ask me to take a look at her face, when I am able, and see that there is not the slightest bit of anger there.

Ah, yes I recognize this in my t too!

 

[Emotional girl]

To me my psychologist has had the patients of a saint in dealing with the different moods that I bring into the room .There is great trust which has built up between us but that took a while for that to happen.
We have had our ups and downs but we have always maintained a respect between us and that has been important.
He will do little things like ask if I am ok in the middle of the session,he will try and build my confidence up when I am feeling really low,he will ask how my week has been and if I have any plans for the coming week.
He listens to me,he is kind,he is supportive,he is understanding,he has empathy ,he has dealt with my transference towards him and kept the boundaries tight between us,he has been worried about me when I have been at breaking point,he is a little bit strict but in a good way.
Most importantly he has allowed me to talk about a secret which I have kept to myself for over 35 years and I will never forget that.

 

[Nessa7]

Is it important to you, colleagues, this feeling of being taken care of?

I think this is actually the most important aspect to me. I can trust that my t is keeping track of the timing and pacing of the appointment to make sure I am okay when I leave. If I couldn't trust her to do that it would be a lot harder for me to do my part. It is the area that I most consistently need to have faith in her and hand over control.

I want my t to be empathetic, but I want them to be able to stay with me emotionally. My emotions should primarily lead the direction of sessions. I've been in some therapeutic relationships where they are empathetic but they are consistently sympathizing with something very different than what I am focusing on. My least satisfying sessions are the ones that leave me with emotional whiplash. It leaves me disoriented and feeling like there are a lot of emotions that ended up being unresolved. I want my t to be able to switch to be where I am emotionally instead of the other way around.

 

[Innordinate]

Or do you not want them to relate in an emotional level?

Do not want to relate to my T on an emotional level. I'm the crazy one, i need to know they aren't. Also need to know that they can handle my shit and I wouldn't be able to talk about anything if i thought it was effecting them in any way. And I despise pity, so any kind of emotional connection I think I would turn around into some kind of pity anyways. Strictly professional relationship only. It's a job. It's a business. It's work. Get in, do the work, get out. Emotional connection would honestly scare me away.

this feeling of being taken care of?

I had a trauma therapist that basically threw me out after completely breaking me down during sessions. Like 'well, not that you're emotionally unstable, dysregulating have a good rest of the day. cya later. ' So taken care of in the sense of helping ground, regulate and be calm before leaving a session - yes. Taken care of, as in like regular check-ins between sessions and touchy shit - NO!

 

[Justmehere]

What *I* need in a therapist:

Someone trying to work themselves out of a job (ie someone trying to help me get well enough to not need regular on-going treatment for the rest of my life.)

Someone who can say the hard things... and help me hear them.

 

[Freemartin]

I had a trauma therapist that basically threw me out after completely breaking me down during sessions. Like 'well, not that you're emotionally unstable, dysregulating have a good rest of the day. cya later. '

I had one of those too. She was a regular t, though. It was a total trainwreck. Also made me ashamed of my wish and need for that type of care you mentioned. It sucked. So. Bad.

 

[Kopykat]

Hey guys, I wonder if you can give me a hand with this. I recently started trauma therapy with a new T after a not-so-successful attempt with a different T. This new one is just brilliant and I've made some decent progress already. I can see how this changing t's can make a world of difference.

So, today she asked me to contemplate on the question: what makes a good trauma therapy or a good therapeutic relationship. I guess she wants me to ponder on the theme in order for the both of us to get a clue on what I want and need from her and the process. Also, she is preparing her thesis on the subject and would welcome some insight. She knows I hang around on the forums with my extremely insightful colleagues, so I promised to raise the question here.

I know for me it's extremely important that I can trust my T to maintain control of the situation. I easily go down some really nasty rabbit holes when addressing trauma sh*t. So it feels awesome to be able to trust her to have my back. This is what I Iacked with my previous T, so I really see the difference.

Other stuff: it's immensely important that the T genuinely respects me. Not in a generic, benevolent-healthcare-professional way but as the real, f*cked-up and glorious person that I am.

So, this is what I managed to cook up. Let's hear your thoughts!

I’ve been w my trauma T almost 6 years now, I didn’t even know I needed a trauma therapist and just happened to find her after failed attempts at therapy with a hippie who tried to tell me I was an alcoholic when I went to her for grief counseling (I’m truly not), and the guy that fell asleep in session and broke confidentiality to tell my family I was mad at them (awkward).

Anyways, what I learned is important is consistency. So many other aspects of my life are chaotic and have been, but my therapist is consistent, she shows up when she says she will, she communicates well and let’s me know ahead of time if there will be changes regarding a session.

Another big one is boundaries. I struggled a bit w this at first. I’ve never apparently had a relationship w good boundaries and it took some figuring out for both of us to decide what we were comfortable with. It provides me w structure and also consistency so I know what to expect from her and it quiets my anxiety about the relationship.

The last thing is communication. I know that sounds like a no brainer. I informed my therapist early on I’d like to know what she’s doing and why, even if I’m not going to like it. I don’t like it when people make unilateral decisions for me. Trust issues. You have to be able to communicate with each other bc while it’s an unconventional one, it’s still a relationship and it takes work. If one side is doing something the other side has no idea what the hell theyre doing then what’s the point.

Those are just my thoughts.

 

[blackemerald1]

Having a good sense of humour is very important for me. Because everything is so serious and hard and being able to laugh with me, when appropriate helps tremendously with getting through difficult stuff.