Will he become violent?

[Deleted member 44030]

Hi,

How can I predict if my sufferer will become violent if I leave? I have left before and there were mostly threats of suicide, stalking and rage/emotional outbursts.

I'm afraid if I try to leave again, this time he will harm my family or me. He has become more verbally intimidating lately and treatening to hurt my family when things don't go his way.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is no way to know. PTSD does not cause violence. For instance, veterans with PTSD are no more likely to engage in domestic violence than other veterans. It all boils down to individual personality. Is he a violent person in general?

 

[Deleted member 44030]

There is no way to know. PTSD does not cause violence. For instance, veterans with PTSD are no more likely to engage in domestic violence than other veterans. It all boils down to individual personality. Is he a violent person in general?

He has threatened violence. So far he has not acted on it. He is mostly just full of rage and frustration. He refuses therapy. He shows little remorse or empathy.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sounds like a manipulation tactic. That's not OK.

 

[Deleted member 44030]

Sounds like a manipulation tactic. That's not OK.

He was both abused and beaten as a child. Often without any warning. So for him, to yell, seems like a far better alternative, whereas for me, yelling feels like abuse.

He is aware of his behaviour, but chooses to continue in the same manner.

I seems as though he takes pleasure in making me feel small or scared. That worries me. Especially his lack of empathy seems to have gotten worse over the years.

I have told him multiple times that I don't feel safe and that I'm afraid he'll harm someone. He always just ridicules it or gets mad.

I'm not trying to blame all this on PTSD, but it just makes the whole thing so much more complex.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My partner has PTSD and lashes out verbally at times. I have boundaries though, and he respects them. If he'd threatened my family I'd be gone. You're allowed to have boundaries. It's OK to have limits. He doesn't get to threaten your family just because he has PTSD. His trauma history isn't a free pass. He doesn't get to spread the misery around.

 

[Never_falter2]

If you think you do have reason to believe that he will hurt you or you family maybe it is time to contact a woman’s help line.

 

[grit]

I think you should ask HOW do I protect myself and be in safe space than will he or will he not?
No one here or any where on earth can tell you what he can do or not. But you can start to plan your exist in a much more practical, safe, telling your family, friends and having a support in order to leave in peace and PROTECT you and your family.

I am sorry this is your situation now but I hope you focus on you and your family than him.

 

[Abstract]

You obviously need to get out so well done for making that decision. And well done for deciding to protect your family. Personally, if someone threatens physical aggression I think its best to assume it can happen. I agree with contacting a women's abuse organisation and
getting their advice and support planning your exit. You say he has little empathy and that combined with increased aggression is worth taking seriously. Yes, verbal aggression over a period of time that is intimidating is abuse.