therapist gone for 5 weeks

[brokenpony]

my therapist is gone for 5 weeks and we had only recently begun working on trauma. therapy triggered me early in the summer and for months i was panicking literally all the time and barely functioning and only recently have pulled myself together so i don't lose my job. doing this has meant pushing everything back down as best i can and closing the box, but Pandora's box never really closes once opened, as i'm sure you all know. i'm just not doing well and need to pretend everything is fine when everything is not fine at all. he set up a substitute therapist for me and i see them this coming week, so maybe that will help, but i have no idea what i am going to talk about with a complete stranger as it is very hard for me to open up. i guess i can just ask them for tips for functioning at work. i don't want to lose progress also by numbing out again and reburying everything, but i also don't want to risk upsetting myself further and severely triggering myself while he is away. i am wondering if there is anything you all have done during a long break in your care to keep yourself afloat and also not give in to your desire to avoid the trauma and pretend it never happened again.

 

[littleoc]

Yes, I’ve had to suddenly go to a sub therapist for weeks at a time, more than once.

I think what helped me was knowing what I needed in the moment, as in the week. I’d talk about stresses and coping skills, and vent and ask for validation. Nothing too heavy, but enough to keep me afloat for the week.

It’s never comfortable but the sub therapist is usually aware of that and will try to make it better.

I’m sorry you have to deal with it. That is stressful, especially when you’re this new to therapy.

 

[whiteraven]

I hope you can get some additional support during this time. My therapist was gone for just a couple weeks (out of the country) and I haven't been able to get back to the work in therapy since. I have NO support, so I def think it would help.

 

[Justmehere]

I journal, cautiously, and save it to share with the therapist when I see them again.

I journal most often about how I’m doing here and now, and ways I remind myself the trauma did happen, and it’s not happening now.

 

[brokenpony]

I journal, cautiously, and save it to share with the therapist when I see them again.

I journal most often about how I’m doing here and now, and ways I remind myself the trauma did happen, and it’s not happening now.

thanks. i'm really lost and struggling out here alone with this. i keep deciding it's not that bad and that i need to get over it, all of it, but of course i can't just get over any of it, which makes me feel weak and pathetic. meanwhile i have to have a job and pretend everything is fine. i take propranolol as needed but i'm numbed out already so it accentuates my flat affect when i do, and then i drink with others and end up drinking too much so i can be fun instead of numb, and that makes me feel awful afterwards because i shouldn't be drinking like that anymore. i just want to run away. he suggested a leave of absence from work because i was in such a bad place but i can't do that. journaling might help to remind me that i am here.

Yes, I’ve had to suddenly go to a sub therapist for weeks at a time, more than once.

I think what helped me was knowing what I needed in the moment, as in the week. I’d talk about stresses and coping skills, and vent and ask for validation. Nothing too heavy, but enough to keep me afloat for the week.

It’s never comfortable but the sub therapist is usually aware of that and will try to make it better.

I’m sorry you have to deal with it. That is stressful, especially when you’re this new to therapy.

thanks for the tip and support. and yes, it is very stressful. he also left for three weeks earlier in the summer, immediately after the session that triggered me, and i spent the entire three weeks freaking out in flight mode, not sleeping, dissociating, jumping at every sound, ears ringing, flooded images, re-thinking about it as 'trauma,' 24/7 plagued with it. and then he leaves again like this so soon. that's 9 weeks away in 4 months of therapy, and all occurring after a major triggering event. and also i think he missed another week before that, so 10 weeks. over half. i think this should be it for this kind of traveling, but if it happens again soon, i will probably try to find a new one. i like him but this is just such a terrible feeling, to be alone and trying to supress all this and recalibrate so i can function, with the threat of these symptoms returning in full force always looming and unable to tell anyone how i am feeling and how scared i am that i will just crumble. he encouraged me to see the sub so i would feel less alone, so i hope she is able to fulfill that role for me. frankly i would like to tell him how this isn't cool and that, while he has a life, his long vacations probably shouldn't be this close together if he treats trauma patients. i know they were both recreational, and that this one coming up is very special, but the previous one wasn't. but then i worry that makes me seem like a needy brat who can't handle herself. i just feel that disrupting patients' care like this, to this extent, when they are in crisis due to trauma processing in your therapy room is problematic. sigh.

 

[blackemerald1]

knowing what I needed in the moment, as in the week. I’d talk about stresses and coping skills, and vent and ask for validation. Nothing too heavy, but enough to keep me afloat for the week.

I agree with this ^^ to help you through each week and function
and,

journal, cautiously, and save it to share with the therapist when I see them again.

I agree with this^^ to help you re-connect when your usual T returns.

 

[talon]

It is unfortunate timing that your therapist is away before you have even started to begin. I hope that you can be positive in being aware that you have support and that is important . Life isn't always as easy as we would like but life is a journey and not a destination the good life is a process not a state of being . It is a direction and not a destination as Carl Rogers reminds us.

 

[Suzetig]

frankly i would like to tell him how this isn't cool and that, while he has a life, his long vacations probably shouldn't be this close together if he treats trauma patients.

The thing is, depending on his case load many of his clients may be absolutely fine with it - not all therapist have a trauma heavy case load and not all have lots of longer term clients. It isn’t working for you, which is worth talking through with you - he may not be able to provide the consistency you need and needs to be honest with you, and himself, about that.

In saying that, the break is a good opportunity for you to learn how to care for yourself when triggered. You can’t put it all back in the box but you can learn strategies for coping including journaling, grounding exercises, generally caring for yourself and working on your distress tolerance. 5 weeks feels like a long time but it’ll pass before you know it.

 

[Skywatcher]

You were given a substitute T? I think that is cool.

 

[grit]

This sounds very familiar to my past situation with my therapist. When trauma therapy is new and working it is quite de-stablizing.
I am sorry you are going through this.

I hope you can find a group therapy or some other support in the meantime. Nothing is wrong with that to take care of yourself.

 

[brokenpony]

The thing is, depending on his case load many of his clients may be absolutely fine with it - not all therapist have a trauma heavy case load and not all have lots of longer term clients. It isn’t working for you, which is worth talking through with you - he may not be able to provide the consistency you need and needs to be honest with you, and himself, about that.

In saying that, the break is a good opportunity for you to learn how to care for yourself when triggered. You can’t put it all back in the box but you can learn strategies for coping including journaling, grounding exercises, generally caring for yourself and working on your distress tolerance. 5 weeks feels like a long time but it’ll pass before you know it.

yes I am not going to actually express anger at him, even though i am upset. but not really upset at him, more so just upset by the circumstances, that i have to deal with this and can't just take a break from my life. i do understand and i didn't come to him thinking we were going to work on trauma. it was a bit of a surprise and the surprise happened to come at the worst possible moment, right before a vacation. and then this second vacation corresponded with another really difficult time because of a stressful period at work. but i do need more consistency than this so i suppose i will wait and see when his next long vacation is.

You were given a substitute T? I think that is cool.

it is cool and i hope we click well enough. it's also just the responsible thing to do, which makes me feel more trusting of him going forward.

When trauma therapy is new and working it is quite de-stablizing.
I am sorry you are going through this.

thanks, i'm sorry you went through a similar experience. did you do the group therapy during the break or did you have other means of dealing with it?

 

[Friday]

that's 9 weeks away in 4 months of therapy, and all occurring after a major triggering event. and also i think he missed another week before that, so 10 weeks. over half. i think this should be it for this kind of traveling, but if it happens again soon, i will probably try to find a new one.. .

This makes total sense.

... frankly i would like to tell him how this isn't cool and that, while he has a life, his long vacations probably shouldn't be this close together if he treats trauma patients. .

This is totally unnecessary, though. It’s enough that their schedule doesn’t work for your needs. It really doesn’t matter if it works for anyone else’s needs.

As an example, my fav trauma therapist of all time is gone, on average, 3 or 4 times a year for 2-6 weeks. Sometimes as long as 12 weeks. Why? He does the kind of work I used to, in a different capacity, in disaster response. He does acute trauma counseling to people in natural disasters, wars, genocide, etc. Both the victims and the relief workers. Then he also takes quite a few personal vacations to keep his own head right. Home stateside, he’s booked solid with first responders, prior service military, and the like. He’s a phenom trauma therapist for many reasons, not the least of which that he actually practices what he preaches. He takes care of himself. And we could see that. First hand. We could watch him transitioning back (first couple weeks back “home” he’d be in transition mode). We could watch him gearing up to go, at the same time as he was setting us up for his absence. He was really f*cking amazing. And? Quite frankly, his times away were super useful for me. Because it created space to allow things to settle. Dig in deep, process through, settle. The clients he had? Like me? Were ones who dug his schedule.

That’s part of finding a good trauma therapist... someone whose schedule you get on with.

It doesn’t matter if everyone else loves/hates their schedule, or no one else. The only person it matters about, is you.