What does it mean to be a victim?

[cherileisman]

A victim is a temporary state, a problem to solve, a trap to find a way out of, a conundrum, a state to emerge from, a victor emerges from the shell of victim. Survival is victory, victim is never a permanent state, it is just a vital part of our story that, ultimately strengths us and leads to greater wisdom.

Very well said @mumstheword ! Brava!

 

[piratelady]

We stick to the event and the actions -- not the label that defines it - and that has helped tremendously

Now that I've been tackling this more, I find that identifying myself as a victim brings forth a lot of the emotions. Like, I can tell him what happened, to a certain extent. When I do, there is only a slight trace of the emotions tied to it. If, however, I start to identify as a victim, it's like this huge wave of emotion threatens to overtake me. Do you find the same applies for you, or is it something else?

 

[Abstract]

As others have said I think it is linked to acknowledging harm was done and that one didn't have a choice or didn't have responsibility. I think we use various means to distance ourselves from those realities or the emotions involved. Or we are indoctrinated into seeing things differently. To maybe blame ourselves. Or to see things as normal or doubt our reality. Some of that may be protective and some of it encourages self abuse and hatred.

Personally I can't do this topic directly in relation to events and me yet. Certainly relate to emotions becoming engaged if I go near it. The closest I can come to is the personal responsibility aspect of this. The amount of toxic self hatred and shame I had (and still do have) had me feeling this and it has shifted just a bit.

Sometimes releasing emotions can be the doorway to healing as long as it isn't too much for you so consider that. Timing can be important too.

So, yes, I relate to the emotions being engaged and coming out that are relevant to the situation if this comes up. It also however gets muddied by some personal feelings about needing to be strong. Gifts from my family. I want to get past that limiting message or perception of strength but its still a process.

 

[piratelady]

The closest I can come to is the personal responsibility aspect of this.

That is what I’ve gotten from this. Last appointment my therapist suggested I try to think of myself as a victim if/when I started ruminating. I will say, it has made me feel much less like the abuse is my fault. However, with that, came a ton of emotion I’m not equipped to deal with. Now I’m trying to essentially box all those feelings back up for therapy. There is definitely a time and place for this type of thinking.

 

[Freida]

I start to identify as a victim, it's like this huge wave of emotion threatens to overtake me. Do you find the same applies for you, or is it something else?

I can't get there yet -- if I even try to think "victim" my brain goes off on a hate filled rant about my lack of escaping that I can't control. Totally tears me apart. So right now I'm not even willing to try it -- too exhausting

 

[Abstract]

It sounds to me like what is happening for you is really healthy. Personally I think the emotions can be translated from self hatred and rage/shame at self to where it should be. That would be overwhelming but healing. Self blame isn't. Especially when it WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Read some literature on healing from trauma at one point and it mentioned this. Made myself bookmark it in my mind for future reference.

You can slow down if you need to. Overwhelm isn't helpful.

 

[mumstheword]

Very well said @mumstheword ! Brava!

Thanks :-) @cherileisman