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Insert Swearish Rant Here

I purchased and built a cheap 100$ desk because I’m in fcking grad school and I need a work space.

I guess that’s why I’m in my brother’s room, with a night table under my lap desk, which is holding my laptop, instead of in my own room with my own desk.

Because there is too much f*cking stuff in my room that I “can’t” get rid of, for some mysterious f*cking reason of my mother’s, for me to work at my own desk. I can’t fit a chair in there. I can’t move the stuff around at all to make room.

And now my mom is using my brother’s room for storage.

I’m supposed to make a professional interview with a professional background, which I guess will be this shit. In the attached picture.

Even though this room was completely clear of shit LITERALLY THREE DAYS AGO.

And this is tame compared to the rest of the f*cking house. The only piece of furniture I can safely use for eating, sitting, and sleeping is my bed, which was also coveredd in shit when I got home.

I got a stupid f*cking bench thing for Nestle (service dog) to use as a bed because There Was No Room For a Dog and it was $15 and my mom got it for me as a gift. Her exact words: “If she doesn’t like it, we can re-donate it because it wasn’t a huge loss”

Nestle didn’t like it. It’s still in my room. I’m not allowed to f*cking get rid of it even though my room is so full of furniture that I can’t move. Yes, even after clearing out more than 67 trash bags worth of donation, trash, and recycle.

My therapist who knows nothing about hoarding has been trying to help and only making things worse and worse and isn’t listening to me anymore.

I hate this house. I want to burn it down.
 

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Nice desk....

Makeshift desk.

Why does everything have to be like this? I hate this.

And yes, that’s an improvement by the desk you can barely see. Used to be unable to see that window. Shit to the ceiling. I spent months cleaning it out and having practically nothing to show for it.

But when I was cleaning the house for the first time, I was the one my mom made fun of, I was the one at fault for the house being like this, I was the one who got punished, I was the one everyone yelled at for the house being like this, and now I get to live in this f*cking health hazard that smells like mildew no matter how much I Try to clean it.

I’m getting this house cleaned without her f*cking permission, I’m so sick of this.
 

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That was somehow comforting, thanks

Also yes, I’m going to call people for help I think

I'm not sure how things work where you are. Here, a health official or police could look at the space, determine there's hoarding and a health risk, make enforceable orders that it be cleaned up, and then re-inspect. That way, it's not "you" trying to clean up, it's someone with a title and authority ordering the clean up for health reasons.

I hope there's something similar that you can access where you are, you deserve a clean space to live and study in.
 

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