Managing Triggering Topics

[InsertCoinsHere]

I’m having greater and greater difficulty managing conversation that expose myself, topics that hold a correlation to why I have PTSD and my past. e.g. Why I’m unable to work, when I am going to see my family, what are my future plans..

Previously I was able to give short answers or hints so the other person doesn’t ask further questions on topics I personally find too charged.

Not many people know I have CPTSD however others do know I have mental health difficulties. CPTSD feels like the constant elephant in the room. It doesn’t help I’m the new guy around the block as I’ve only in the past few months moved to a new part of the country.

Anyway recently when asked personal questions I’m finding the instant tension overwhelming.. my back, shoulders, traps, chest, neck, throat, jaw, head and face lock up. It’s a sudden choking whereby I can barely speak and my brain has frozen, followed by brief shutdown.

I’m currently undertaking EMDR (only on my 4th session) however I feel my symptoms are increasing.

Has anyone gone through a similar experience or currently are? How are you managing?

Self care techniques and grounding exercises are only working so much currently before the next minor trigger sets me back to square one.

I’d like to be able to answer questions without choking. I’m not ashamed of my answers to personal questions but my body is hyper alert to any perceived threat.

Thanks

 

[gealach]

I keep my answers really vague....

when people ask about my family, I reply that I lost my family. Then I change the topic. Because that's not the answer people are expecting, they go along with that change in topic very easily.

why can't I work? I was inured. It's complicated, I'm getting better, and then I crack a joke about the snails pace of WCB and change the topic.

what are my future plans? winning the lottery and buying an island. Being a penguin researcher (there's actually a back story to that one). Or something equally unexpected and sarcastic.

There's definitely an art to answering a question without answering the question. And then changing the topic. I'm not very good at on the spot sarcasm when I'm not in uniform (not sure why the uniform eliminates my brain-mouth filter), so I think of the most uncomfortable questions I would be asked in a situation, and think up the best evasive answers beforehand.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

I keep my answers really vague....

when people ask about my family, I reply that I lost my family. Then I change the topic. Because that's not the answer people are expecting, they go along with that change in topic very easily.

why can't I work? I was inured. It's complicated, I'm getting better, and then I crack a joke about the snails pace of WCB and change the topic.

what are my future plans? winning the lottery and buying an island. Being a penguin researcher (there's actually a back story to that one). Or something equally unexpected and sarcastic.

There's definitely an art to answering a question without answering the question. And then changing the topic. I'm not very good at on the spot sarcasm when I'm not in uniform (not sure why the uniform eliminates my brain-mouth filter), so I think of the most uncomfortable questions I would be asked in a situation, and think up the best evasive answers beforehand.

Thank you for your informative reply.

The changing the conversation is something I’ll have to practice. Currently I get shocked by the question, then panic.. freeze, reply by trying to avade a direct answer but remain frozen after replying. I don’t quite move the conversation in a different direction.

Having stock answers may be the best way for me to feel prepared. Thanks

 

[Sideways]

We actually talked about this exact issue in my trauma group earlier this week. One of the big themes that came out of it was the amount of judgment that we start to throw on these issues ourselves, and the degree to which we start to catastrophise the potential outcomes of ‘saying the wrong thing’.

Throwing some cbt skills at this issue may help. Looking at why some of these types of conversation have become distressing for you, instead of being what they are: potentially friendly and genuine attempts by people to simply get to know you better.

Nobody is entitled to personal information that you’re not ready to share. Think about where you want your boundaries to be (what am I happy to disclose, where is my limit), and oftentimes your responses in the moment will then come quite comfortably in the moment.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

We actually talked about this exact issue in my trauma group earlier this week. One of the big themes that came out of it was the amount of judgment that we start to throw on these issues ourselves, and the degree to which we start to catastrophise the potential outcomes of ‘saying the wrong thing’.

Throwing some cbt skills at this issue may help. Looking at why some of these types of conversation have become distressing for you, instead of being what they are: potentially friendly and genuine attempts by people to simply get to know you better.

Nobody is entitled to personal information that you’re not ready to share. Think about where you want your boundaries to be (what am I happy to disclose, where is my limit), and oftentimes your responses in the moment will then come quite comfortably in the moment.

You are right. We really do make things bigger than they truly are by focusing in on them and giving them so much importance. I feel most of the time people really aren’t bothered by the answers it’s more about trying to bond.

I’ll write out a list of my boundaries, I don’t think I’ve ever truly stated them on paper to see.

Bit off topic but I’m interested in the fact you visit a trauma support group, I’ve recently began a mental health educational/support group I can find it quite triggering hearing others stories. Do you have similar experiences? Is this something you found gets better the more you hear others stories? Any tips in order to keep emotional overwhelm in check while in such triggering scenarios?

It’s one of the first times I’ve ever truly in an open environment identified myself as an individual with mental illness. Prior to that I was silent for many years, it feels good to connect with others. I’d like to continue going but the overwhelm from the shared classes knocks me off balance currently.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[Sideways]

I can find it quite triggering hearing others stories. Do you have similar experiences?

It absolutely would be overwhelming for me to constantly be hearing other people’s trauma stories. The group I attend is a structured recovery program with very cleqr guidelines, one of which is that individual trauma experiences are not discussed during the group, only during one-on-one sessions with the T.

This works well, for the most part, and reflects the reality that most of the recovery work to heal from cptsd is actually not about the details of the trauma at all. Instead, we do a lot of work borrowing from therapies like cht, dbt and act. It works really well, and isn’t really much like a typical ‘support group’ setting at all.

 

[shimmerz]

It doesn’t help I’m the new guy around the block as I’ve only in the past few months moved to a new part of the country.

Yep. That would be a problem for sure because people tend to get all invasive when pigeonholing the local newby.

Anyway recently when asked personal questions I’m finding the instant tension overwhelming.. my back, shoulders, traps, chest, neck, throat, jaw, head and face lock up. It’s a sudden choking whereby I can barely speak and my brain has frozen, followed by brief shutdown.

Exactly me at the beginning of my symptoms appearing. I would literally pass out if asked any question about myself. Made me a real 'must have' at a party. Not. Luckily I am now close to a standard retirement age, so all I say is that I am retired. Most people don't ask much more besides what keeps me busy in my retirement. I can make that shit up.

Stock answers figured out beforehand was really helpful for me but because of my tendency to freeze/faint I was rarely able to access them before I reacted. Dramatically. Goddam those were horrible times. I am very sorry this is happening to you.

I’m not ashamed of my answers to personal questions but my body is hyper alert to any perceived threat.

I am a interested in hearing a bit more about this. What is the perceived threat you are speaking of? Physical? Emotional?

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Yep. That would be a problem for sure because people tend to get all invasive when pigeonholing the local newby.


Exactly me at the beginning of my symptoms appearing. I would literally pass out if asked any question about myself. Made me a real 'must have' at a party. Not. Luckily I am now close to a standard retirement age, so all I say is that I am retired. Most people don't ask much more besides what keeps me busy in my retirement. I can make that shit up.

Stock answers figured out beforehand was really helpful for me but because of my tendency to freeze/faint I was rarely able to access them before I reacted. Dramatically. Goddam those were horrible times. I am very sorry this is happening to you.


I am a interested in hearing a bit more about this. What is the perceived threat you are speaking of? Physical? Emotional?

There is a slight physical element (apprehension of verbal ridicule leading to physical aggression/violence). Mainly it’s emotional, I feel it’s because I’m trying to keep my emotions in check during social situations.. appearing ok so others don’t pursue questions further.. certain topics seem to have such a strong response that when others ask questions around those topics I feel they are prying, that makes me on edge, instantly defensive and slightly suspicious of their motives.

The emotions instantly come to the surface when others touch on what I perceive as personally sensitive topics. I don’t want to appear vulnerable in front of others and express these emotions. You could say all the emotions that weren’t safe to say express when I was a child are now making their way to the surface due to being in a safe place and doing EMDR.

In addition there’s the threat of social rejection. If I display my vulnerable self and my accompanying emotions I feel I make myself open to being judged and condemned. The fear is that this may happen, to me it feels a likely possibility. It would repeat the traumas of my past. So I feel the need for a safe space to explore these emotions in either a) therapy or b) when I am alone.

 

[joeylittle]

To avoid melting down when I’m asked things (which will happen to me, on a bad day) I practice answers to all the questions. Say them out loud multiple times. I made a deck of flash cards for a time when I knew was going to have to answer a lot of questions. Put the questions on the cards, draw a card, answer the question out loud. Took a bit of repetition, but I felt much more comfortable encountering real live people asking those same things. I knew, roughly, what I was going to say, and how to avoid certain kinds of thought-triggers.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

To avoid melting down when I’m asked things (which will happen to me, on a bad day) I practice answers to all the questions. Say them out loud multiple times. I made a deck of flash cards for a time when I knew was going to have to answer a lot of questions. Put the questions on the cards, draw a card, answer the question out loud. Took a bit of repetition, but I felt much more comfortable encountering real live people asking those same things. I knew, roughly, what I was going to say, and how to avoid certain kinds of thought-triggers.

Really helpful advice, I’ll try that so I’m prepared, as I’m currently in one of those ‘new guy on the block let’s find out what he’s about’ scenarios so lots of intrigue and questions. Thank you this will help.

 

[joeylittle]

I’m currently in one of those ‘new guy on the block let’s find out what he’s about’ scenarios

This was similar to my situation.

You might find, when you're first practicing your answers out loud, that you become emotional. Try and remember, that's OK - it's why you're practicing, so you can shake out where those triggers are. Keep us posted on how it goes :)

 

[Changing4Best]

I have a friend who always makes a joke out of it. If asked where he is going, his answers are like, "I'm going to Wallyworld to find a new wife." (He actually does go there too, sits on a bench and strikes up conversations with people, asking if anyone wants to be his wife. 17 years have not provided him with one, but he still continues, mostly in fun). His other fav answer is that he's going to see his girlfriend because her husband is away. I cannot comment on this one, as I do not know who is "girlfriend" is or if she actually exists, but since you can see him down there at the Big Box store doing his "thing" it too may just have some truth to it too....