Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[mumstheword]

Oh, good to know.

I generally tend to over-trust people, unless I'm alone with them. Sort of. Haha.

So, is it possible my therapist doesn't like being told what to do, and was being funny?

Definitely :-) Maybe she doesn't fully get how scary it is for you to watch your mum risk and show so little care for her life, and how that remark you made to her, came out of love and care and concern.for the impacts on her health.

Sounds like she felt out of her depth and was trying to make light of a serious situation, IMO, not real appropriate or responsible. I guess a story like that, brings up a sense of powerlessness for those subject to it, which is one of the hard things we are grappling with, as humans and as sufferers. Your T is just as human as the rest of us.
Maybe revisiting the exchange and letting her know her reply was confusing and not helpful, and that it's really not a joking matter, would be in order?

 

[ILoveLife]

I've read a few things about that too.
There was a group of people with who I associated with in my activist days that gave an interview saying they believe kids should be exposed to sex early on, whether by their parents or porn. Disgusting really.
Yeah, bestiality bothers me as much as child abuse.

 

[mumstheword]

Sorry, I don't post about that stuff often, it's not very exciting stuff, it just suddenly upset me again after another tweet on it

I know it's weird but OCD and my personality in general tell me that my diary must have more good memories in it before I discuss anything that dark anyway, because otherwise the balance will be tipped and I won't be able to use this diary (which obviously isn't fully true, but it really is dark stuff that even my therapist won't hear about because it would disgust her)

Sorry you're exposed to that sort of thing. It sounds VERY upsetting and disturbing and wrong on so many levels.
There are so many people in the world that are just sounding pretty crazy and lost, right now, to me, plenty of "PC" moralizers just sound more and more out of touch with anything remotely sane, sensical or healthy, to me, a lot of the time.
That pedo justifying stuff just takes the cake though. Utterly sickening. :-/

 

[littleoc]

Maybe revisiting the exchange and letting her know her reply was confusing and not helpful, and that it's really not a joking matter, would be in order?

That's a good idea.

I'm sort of afraid to though. Not sure why. I've told off scarier therapists. But I will anyway. :) Thanks :D

Disgusting really.

for sure. It seems like either they don't know what they're talking about, or else maybe I've been through slightly too much to fully make sense of it.

It's the kind of stuff my pedophile would say to me, so maybe I'm doing that thing where people go hunting for their triggers subconsciously? and try to form good arguments against it all the time?

That pedo justifying stuff just takes the cake though. Utterly sickening. :-/

yeah, that's a good way to put it. Very out of touch people, don't seem to really understand what they're justifying.

Yeah, bestiality bothers me as much as child abuse.

Me too. The arguments I was told confuse the crap out of me too, which disturbs me more. But at least it's usually taboo so I can take comfort in the fact that anyone who WANTS to talk about it with me can probably be safely avoided in real life (not that that's happened often or anything)

 

[littleoc]

Aw, my professor says she wants to stay in touch with me after our class ends this week :) :D :)

She gave me a perfect grade in the class, I hope that's not related

 

[mumstheword]

Aw, my professor says she wants to stay in touch with me after our class ends this week :):D:)

She gave me a perfect grade in the class, I hope that's not related

That's great! Well done!
It sounds like she thinks highly of you :)
I'd say she's in the club with the rest of us who think you are awesome! :)

 

[Freida]

Yes - ask your T about the laughing thing. I'm guessing it's like when I say I'm going to smack someone with my feather duster. We all know I don't really mean it - it's a redirect to get them to think differently about what they said. You are so incredibly articulate she may not realize you weren't sure what to do with that response.

I should probably stop looking at those tweets and articl of people explaining why sex with children is a good thing

See ^^^ feather duster worthy! Ya think?? Yep -- you win the understatement of the day trophy today! ? Now get off those sites!

She gave me a perfect grade in the class, I hope that's not related

That is fabulous! And you got a perfect grade because you are brilliant and did the work. Which makes you way more interesting than most of her students.

 

[somerandomguy]

FYI: some of those tweets and materials are put out by extreme anti-gay groups, trying to convince people that accepting gays and lesbians would also mean having to accept pedophilia and bestiality.

Untrue and wrong ... and it's pretty sickening to equate those things.

 

[littleoc]

I'd say she's in the club with the rest of us who think you are awesome! :)

Haha, thank you! I hope so

I'm guessing it's like when I say I'm going to smack someone with my feather duster. We all know I don't really mean it - it's a redirect to get them to think differently about what they said.

Oh, that makes sense

Now get off those sites!

Yes ma’am :D

That is fabulous! And you got a perfect grade because you are brilliant and did the work. Which makes you way more interesting than most of her students.

I hope that’s it!

Deep down I’m still worried about being manipulated indirectly. But I really did do my best. She kept saying I was going above and beyond on everything I did. And that was even after emails of me saying that I have a disability I haven’t filed yet, and moved three times but still somehow managed to not need extensions.

Probably because I learned way back in high school how to get homework done even during PTSD moments and other crazy life shifts, and in middle school when my dad was getting even more out of control. I didn’t used to do any homework or even try in elementary school — they thought I was retarded and no one wanted to teach any kid my dad had — but then suddenly realized that I wanted to die with good grades instead of bad ones, and figured out how to do homework without any adults helping me (I still wasn’t allowed to hang out with my mom). That’s how I got the award from President Bush. So I suppose that shows up now days in weird ways.

Even a TBI didn’t convince me to take a second medical leave from school. Although mainly that was because my “refund” for the first one involved me paying the government $7,000. Glad my grandparents like me despite how stupid and cruel I made their son look. That was lucky.

FYI: some of those tweets and materials are put out by extreme anti-gay groups, trying to convince people that accepting gays and lesbians would also mean having to accept pedophilia and bestiality.

Oh, that makes way more sense now. More fake news. Thanks, that makes me feel way better about it

I do remember briefly moderating a site in 2016, 2017, where I just had to make sure comments were about bullying, hatred, threats, or other basic rules. Got a little harder after the site allowed image comments. Then got even worse when the FBI stepped in and said that some accounts were Russian and spouting fake news and I kind of just quit because I didn’t have time for that nonsense. It got easy to find after knowing about it, though.

 

[littleoc]

Funny story time:

A while ago (edit because I can't quite remember when we had this conversation?) I was talking to my friend B, who is incredibly wealthy. He said that even though I'm gay, we could marry and then divorce whenever we find the right people. In the meantime -- during the marriage -- his parents would grow fond of me and even after the divorce leave me with a lot of money. His parents like handing out money to people they know who don't have it. Supposedly, I've seen 0 evidence. I have no way to know how serious he was being, because I have seen him date gay women before who all would eventually cut him off, including a friend of mine who says he's very naive about how to treat ladies, but I assumed he was joking anyway and decided to be silly back. I told him, "Dude, my grandparents are wealthy as shit and I still grew up just barely out of poverty."

[That is mostly true, but they did swoop in and save us occasionally. For example, when my dad spent our immediate family's entire money on drugs and alcohol and literal junk on the Internet (he was a classic hoarder), we lost the house and became homeless. Except we didn't make it to the homeless point, because my dad's stepmom and his biological father -- the one who is possibly quietly Jewish and wasn't taught Russian -- swooped in, bought our house, and became my mom's landlords. My dad financially abuses them. But the rest of us know we're very, very lucky, because most people don't have a wealthy family member who swoops in and saves the day. Even with Nestle's surgery, when she found out I was crowdfunding, she found the site and paid the full amount of what was left, and told me to tell her if Nestle needed any more money.

Yet, the point was that I don't like asking for money, and preferred crowdfunding to doing so, and she isn't quite involved in my life as emotional support because of reasons -- so why would B's parent's fund me any more than they do? And why would I suddenly get comfortable with it? I'd rather ask my mom, who is far from upper class, for help with food!]

Fast forward to early this morning. B called me and decided to make a reference, jokingly, to the marriage, by saying, "Just don't let my dad find out you're not rich! wink, wink," and then he moved on. It was right after I told him that I wanted to rent an apartment and also hire people to clean this house, but I can't afford it. He was definitely meaning his parents might fund it, not literally meaning I should marry him. (He's dating right now.)

Apparently my mom heard him say that while she was going down the stairs, and she told me just now that B's dad must be pretty rude.

Out of context it really did seem like that, I thought it was funny. Not haha funny, sort of interesting and weird funny, but the moral of the story is don't eavesdrop and assume :p

Too bad I don't have a shitton of money, though, it probably would fix this house, but it would be awkward to get help for this house at this point. My grandmother would probably faint

---

on a less weird note, soy milk and malt ovaltine taste nice together

 

[littleoc]

Also, I believe that was after B told me that his dad's least favorite house guests (rich people spend a shitton on houseguests) are the cousins from the country or the west, who come in and act like because they're family they don't ever have to leave, are entitled to money, and don't understand that a lunch invite is not a dinner invite even if you play in the pool until ten pm. So I doubt they'd be thrilled with a family member marrying a poor person from a father's-side-wealthy-but-the-father-was-literally-insane-and-made-himself-poor-like-his-wife and then being asked for money that way. It would be a bit insulting

also, my mom's side is dirt poor lower class, but she missed out on a decent inheritance once because even her family thought my dad was scary and were avoiding her and her kids because they thought they could pressure my mom to get rid of him. Didn't work, but now my mom is angry that she got a table instead of a bunch of money.

But she got a bonus from work at the start of summer that was a HUGE amount and now it's so gone that she doesn't want to spend any money on anything, and she's playing the lottery to try to win even after I showed her that even if you do win, it's bad news (statistics show that winning the lottery increases the chances of you and your family being murdered and harassed, and that's not even the worst of it really). So honestly if my dad had been in the picture the money would have been gone a lot faster on literally broken TVs that my dad was collecting. So yeah, not my business, but not getting the money probably actually saved us from more strife. Sometimes it's fine to be poor as shit.

Too bad psychopaths can't understand consequences I guess

 

[littleoc]

And my lisp from the Invisilign is gone now, it seems my body got used to it. Which is great because I still have to wear it for another year and a half at minimum and while I'm fine trading a temporary lisp for a straight and healthy smile at some point, I was having a hard time taking myself seriously when I talked because I wasn't hearing the words I was thinking lol

so that's cool

in my interview exam which apparently went really well, the professor was like "what's literary citizenship and what does it mean to you" and I was like "oh jeez don't make me say 'literary citizenship' right now"

literary thitithenthip lol