I appear to be sitting calmly, playing patience on the laptop and watching Gardener's World. Internally I'm fighting against running from the house in utter panic. But it doesn't show, so it must be less valid than those hysterical types who run round emoting at the drop of a hat. Self control is not a blessing.
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Invisible panic - any validity?
- Post starter Sandstone
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Deleted member 47099
It's the "freeze" survival response.
I do it too.
Maximum panic, but stay absolutely still/ invisible on the outside. Total poker face, total camouflage.
Wait for the danger to pass.
I do it too.
Maximum panic, but stay absolutely still/ invisible on the outside. Total poker face, total camouflage.
Wait for the danger to pass.
Chris-duck
VIP Member
I don't think it's less valid, my friends joke that they know when I'm stressing because I look calm and normally my face is quite expressive hah. So it's definitely not just you! I get what you mean though.
- Post starter
- #5
Oh yes- I always aim to be as invisible as trout passing through water. It looks as though I can cope, even though I want to run away screaming.
Friday
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:hilarious:
I was having a convo a little while back about the differences between vets & civilians. This was one of the key points. The preternaturally calm exterior & people’s reactions to them.
Civ - You look great!
Vet - f*ck me, who’s gonna die?
Clearly, it’s not just a vet & civvie thing, and ‘all generalizations are wrong’ ;) But the underlying truth of it, surrounds experience and expectation.
A regular person? Relaxes when someone who is suicidal suddenly smiles and gets all calm instead of freaking out. Or when someone holding a gun stops pacing and raving, shouting and striking people, but stills & takes a deep breath.
A Negotiator? DIVES for the smiling person, knocking them to the ground, or green lights shooting the person with the gun. Because it’s the sudden calm that warns they’re about to jump, or shoot a hostage.
Calm? Is only an indication. What it indicates depends very much on the situation at hand. Being able to correctly READ the situation? Depends on experience.
- Sometimes people with calm exteriors are actually just fine. Because they’re exercising self control and keeping themselves on a short leash.
- Sometimes people with calm exteriors are about to commit major acts of violence against themselves or others.
- Sometimes people who are visibly distressed are actually just fine. They’re just venting, or overgrown children throwing a meaningless tantrum, or attention seeking, or self aware enough to be fighting themselves tooth and nail, and will easily triumph given the space to do so without interruption OR just need a token gesture of support to rally. Lots of different reasons people freak the hell out but are actually of little worry. They’re being loud and obnoxious, but that’s about it.
- Sometimes people who are visibly distressed have lost the plot. In no way shape or form are they fine, and we’re talking need a shot to the ass of “night night NOW” & 5 point restraints as a bare minimum.
Validity? Varies.
I was having a convo a little while back about the differences between vets & civilians. This was one of the key points. The preternaturally calm exterior & people’s reactions to them.
Civ - You look great!
Vet - f*ck me, who’s gonna die?
Clearly, it’s not just a vet & civvie thing, and ‘all generalizations are wrong’ ;) But the underlying truth of it, surrounds experience and expectation.
A regular person? Relaxes when someone who is suicidal suddenly smiles and gets all calm instead of freaking out. Or when someone holding a gun stops pacing and raving, shouting and striking people, but stills & takes a deep breath.
A Negotiator? DIVES for the smiling person, knocking them to the ground, or green lights shooting the person with the gun. Because it’s the sudden calm that warns they’re about to jump, or shoot a hostage.
Calm? Is only an indication. What it indicates depends very much on the situation at hand. Being able to correctly READ the situation? Depends on experience.
- Sometimes people with calm exteriors are actually just fine. Because they’re exercising self control and keeping themselves on a short leash.
- Sometimes people with calm exteriors are about to commit major acts of violence against themselves or others.
- Sometimes people who are visibly distressed are actually just fine. They’re just venting, or overgrown children throwing a meaningless tantrum, or attention seeking, or self aware enough to be fighting themselves tooth and nail, and will easily triumph given the space to do so without interruption OR just need a token gesture of support to rally. Lots of different reasons people freak the hell out but are actually of little worry. They’re being loud and obnoxious, but that’s about it.
- Sometimes people who are visibly distressed have lost the plot. In no way shape or form are they fine, and we’re talking need a shot to the ass of “night night NOW” & 5 point restraints as a bare minimum.
Validity? Varies.
- Post starter
- #9
Why?
Because it would inconvenience others.
Because I don't have right to expression or self-determination.
Because if I pretend it isn't there it might not be.
Because if I can control myself then there can't really be anything wrong with me, so I have no right to feel distress.
Because no-one is going to notice anyway, so why bother?
Because it would inconvenience others.
Because I don't have right to expression or self-determination.
Because if I pretend it isn't there it might not be.
Because if I can control myself then there can't really be anything wrong with me, so I have no right to feel distress.
Because no-one is going to notice anyway, so why bother?
I 'Like' not because I agree - but because I know the feeling. Especially not wanting to inconvenience anyone - or find out that no one cares anyway.
I know this isn't true - that many people (even strangers on the street) would care if they knew .... but it's hard to talk to emotion/feelings. I hope you also know that people would notice and care, even if your feelings tell you otherwise. It stinks to feel unloved.
I know this isn't true - that many people (even strangers on the street) would care if they knew .... but it's hard to talk to emotion/feelings. I hope you also know that people would notice and care, even if your feelings tell you otherwise. It stinks to feel unloved.
The problem with this type of coping mechanism is it is only beneficial if you are not in intimate relationship.
if you are keeping this way of reacting or living within a relationship, it does not work.
Maybe at work or if you are a police person but try that with a partner, and you will realize its limitation for survival.
Whenever I do it by mistake cause I am trying not to be like that anymore, my husband may say hmmm think you are under-reacting here! a big clue I snoozed a bit too tight.
if you are keeping this way of reacting or living within a relationship, it does not work.
Maybe at work or if you are a police person but try that with a partner, and you will realize its limitation for survival.
Whenever I do it by mistake cause I am trying not to be like that anymore, my husband may say hmmm think you are under-reacting here! a big clue I snoozed a bit too tight.
You are in a different relationship than I am! ;)
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