Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I haven’t told them, his need for affection far outweighs my anxiety. I remember what it’s like to not get affection at that age.

 

[Freida]

Deep down I’m still worried about being manipulated indirectly. But I really did do my best.

Oh hun -- when I was teaching I LOVED students like you. It meant I had someone who was motivated to learn - not just showing up to check a class off of their to-do list. Even when students got crap grades I was still thrilled when they were doing their best and could always find something they could do for extra credit.

on a less weird note, soy milk and malt ovaltine taste nice together

Have you tried the chocolate soy yet? I love it!

And my lisp from the Invisilign is gone now, it seems my body got used to it.

So the day after I got my invisiline I had a meeting with a bunch of imprortant people and no one had mentioned I would sound like a drunken pirate. I walked into the room and started talking and my boss looked at me like "oh i'm firing you!" I had to actually say to room - I'm not drunk. I just got braces! Luckily they thought it was funnier than I did

And she said, angrily, "Well people keep moving everything, can't even use this room anymore."Um???? When is the last time it was usable??

Mental. Health. Problem. She's got a mental health issue. She will never make sense - until she is willing to get help and do the hard work like you are. I know how hard it is because I see that in my brother. I so badly want him to make sense. But he never will. And I had to get ok with that.

 

[littleoc]

I got to see the inside of a SWAT vehicle, it was awesome

It has little hole things for when they need to stick their guns out! And the windows are bullet proof (obviously) and the tires are HUGE but hard as rocks (I kicked one, with permission because I didn't want to make the SWAT guy nervous) and he told me that they are somewhat air filled to make them work well but if someone were to shoot them, there are giant rubber strips in them that would make it so the vehicle can still go! :D :D :D

They use the SWAT vehicles for sniper situations and stuff, so that's cool!!! There was also a police vehicle that had a standing tower that rose way up into the air so THEY could be the snipers :D :D

It was awesome


also also SPEAKING of the SWAT guy, he let me pick up a couple of his tools!!!! There was a "window raker" which had a big hook at the end of it, so that you could puncture the window and then use the reverse hook thing to rake out all the glass pieces so the entire team can sneak in without glass injuries.

And there was a door knocker (can't remember the real name, because: ) it was 60lbs or something crazy (40ish kg?) and shaped like a dense log with handles for knocking out doors that open inwards :D

And there was a really heavy lever thing for forcing open locked doors that open outward

I was surprised he was willing to stand those things out for me and others to play with! They could be used as weapons themselves!

But then again they have automatic weapons so if anyone tried anything it would be kind of a short adventure I guess

 

[littleoc]

AND ALSO THERE WAS MORE

Like a jail on wheels!!! When you walk into the front part, it's all nice and air conditioned and there's a window :) and you can see the driving cab but it's behind a locked magnetic door (makes sense, gotta protect the driver in case of a weird scenario!) and it's all cozy and there is light and room to move and security cameras and like ten police officers (one of them might have been SWAT, he had a big ole' weapon) camped there not answering my questions but being really polite :)

but then you go to the back, and yeah there's a door back there but no windows and it shuts so tight no one can force it open with their body alone. But they're in little cells that have nothing in them but a bench that isn't roomy. The floor is just enough to put legs in. No lights, no windows. I'd get so carsick if I was kept back there D:

and also the cell door locks and the door to the officers' room locks so they just don't see much of anything I guess

and the only thing besides a bench in each room was a tiny drain that leads to the outside world. I didn't look too closely at those, though, because I bet they have piss in them

 

[littleoc]

AND the captain of the fire department gave me a tour of the fire truck's valves, how much that truck carries, and all the little pieces to run water through a hose! Needs so much pressure just to get all the way through the empty hose (which weight 100lbs by itself, maybe 60kg ish?) -- one of them needs more than 100psi!

So basically you have to position the hose before you can actually use it, because that pressure will obviously knock you back

It was really cool!!

 

[littleoc]

I forgot to mention that this was an emergency services fair, I didn't walk into an active crime scene or anything! lol

Just some community appreciation!

THERE WERE POLICE HORSES and a drug dog called Ruper! He inspected me for narcotics! He didn't find anything c:<

 

[Freida]

I forgot to mention that this was an emergency services fair,

yep - I was wondering!! :roflmao:

 

[littleoc]

I didn't do anything this time! :D :P

 

[littleoc]

(1) Insisalign seems to be causing TMJ issues. Not sure what to think of this.

(2) I started messaging a bunch of hoarding cleanup places again.

(3) I was craving ice cream sandwiches which I can't have often. Ice cream, milk, sugar. But I know one every once in a while won't be the worst ever, so I asked my mom to get me a box. I specified the ones with real ice cream.

I had doubts about doing so because every time she gets me sugar, she starts eating it. In fact, sometimes she gets me sugar SO she has access to it.

She has had three ice cream sandwiches. I lost my temper. But she was asleep for her lunch nap (probably because her sugar is too high, but she hasn't checked it in months since it was literally so high that the reader couldn't read it IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE WHERE THE READERS GO PRETTY F*CKING HIGH PAST LETHAL) and I didn't want to wake her up. So if she tries again, the box of sandwiches are in a brown bag labeled clearly in a pretty silver ink, "NOT FOR DIABETICS."

And she took a pumpkin KitKat and prepared to bring it upstairs to her room. I hid it and I guess her memory is shot (you know, from HIGH BLOOD SUGAR) because all she remembered was that she had wanted a bar of some kind. She reached down for a granola bar.

I might plan an intervention. She's not going to live long enough to see my kids at this rate.

High blood sugar causes blood acidosis, which is fatal. It causes permanent organ, nerve, muscle (like the heart), and brain damage. She's literally killing herself.

She might not have PTSD, but shit, she sucks at handling her trauma, worse than anyone I know. If I took her into a hospital against her will, I bet they'd agree to keep her.

The eye doctor I took her to noted that she seems to be the kind of woman who does what she wants to. Strong on the inside now days. He's right. But she's not responsible. She made my sister cry because she's killing herself.

 

[littleoc]

Uh, for clarification, my mom isn't acting confused right now. She just didn't remember deciding she wanted a pumpkin KitKat.

Granola bar still has sugar, but at least it's not literally made of sugar.

And yeah, I haven't been banned from ice cream sandwiches as much as she has -- it's not dangerous for me to eat one -- but I see the irony, don't worry

She's in a good mood today and I didn't want to ruin it. We chatted about the coffee maker and how weird it is that it can do it's job wrong but isn't aware of anything and therefore thinks everything is fine because it finished the job and therefore it must have been done correctly because that's how it happened

Even though it spewed everywhere

Also coffee makers can't think the way we do but you know what I mean

 

[littleoc]

Honestly, I think maybe I'm just still grumpy about yesterday.

I got a $200 book for studying purposes but it's gone now. The house swallowed it.

I've kept up with it without problems for MONTHS while I was away from home, but as soon as I got home.

The thing about this house is that you MUST have a good memory to live in it. The house is constantly testing you. It makes you have to remember where each and every item is, because f*ck you if you want to keep it in one spot that doesn't require a f*cking map

Who knows if I'll ever find that book again.

It got me out of the house though. I couldn't study and I was mad so I let my sister (and my tiny nephew) take me to the EMS fair. I wish I had known about it slightly earlier, I would have made everyone some cookies!
....in someone else's kitchen.

I don't actually want to move out because my mom can't take care of herself, and I'm worried to death about Slinky (the cat). But I can't live here. I just can't.

Not unless I take some kind of action against my mom's will to get it clean. And then change stuff around so I own this place and she lives with me, because she really can't take care of herself.

I'm not sure I really want that but I can't stay in a place like this. It's making me insane.

My sister and I talked about it for hours. It makes us both incredibly sad that we can't seem to help. The thing she kept saying was, "I can't believe that the house was better when your dad lived there."

She said, "What if he were to come see this place how it is now? A hoarder who actually sees a place worse than their own??"

That would be wild. It was better when my dad lived here. It really was. Both of us had friends over, all the time. Now we can't even have a window open. I've seen the neighbors start to try to get a glimpse every night when I emerge with Nestle. They're curious. They already know. So why hide it?

 

[littleoc]

I'd probably be a little less grumpy if I didn't have TMJ things making it hard to eat, but also live in a house where I can literally only make oatmeal and nothing else.

At least I'm getting my fiber I guess