Ghosting On Your Therapist?

[Justmehere]

You could just cancel and let him know you’ll contact him later about rescheduling.

No explaination needed.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

 

[grit]

One thing I like about this site is wow! People write exactly my experience and I am thinking what? Could this be so common?

I have witnessed my therapist falling from grace. He was so angry at me for asking him to share his feelings and that day, luck had it I was in the here and now! Not in transference not in my trauma not in any where else. I was listening to him losing his mind about simple request and he was so angry he was giving me the death stare too. Looking back I chuckle and think ooh boy the day I woke up in therapy but on the day, I was like wow! I hope I do not act like this when I am in transference. I actually respected him after that cause he showed me what I may look like when I am out of it.



He even made a comment in his ranting remarks that I could find another person to work with. I did take this incident to my group with a different therapist and the consensus was that I did not need to tough it out. I am the hiring client here and I fire or hire. If he wants me out truly, he must take the ethical and professional steps of terminating me. I went back to him and I said, I am not going anywhere and you are still my therapist. Honestly, this changed me significantly and also it changed our approach. Do not get me wrong, I am still in transference now and then and feel he is the most annoying therapist and just rankles my emotions but whatever feeling I am having, I own it and I feel dealing with them rather than assigning them to him is my healing journey. However, I am not saying one should ignore crazy therapy issues.



To me it sort of sounds like you are maybe in some sort of entanglement with past issues and you need a breakthrough and leaving him now may not be beneficial for you. You are feeling a real poke on a serious wound. Leave him when you are too bored even though that too could have underlying source of tension.



I will just throw it out there, was there a time in your life when you faced similar obstacle as an adult and how did you get out of it? If not or not the same, then would you consider this could be something from your childhood that is gripping you and you need to relive it in order to resolve it.

 

[Rex]

He’s expecting you to just let go

Why does this have to be so damn hard?

 

[scout86]

Because if it was easy, it wouldn't count?

 

[desiderata310]

Because if it were easy you wouldn’t need a therapist in the first place

 

[Skywatcher]

I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year. We have had to work through transference and abandonment issues along the way. We are in a good place right now, but I still have my insecurities. One thing that I have noticed is that I am processing trauma and it is painful. She sits with me as I feel that pain. She encourages me to keep at it week after week and if there is a week that I need a break from emdr, we take it. She gives me credit after I go through the pain. Reminds me that I am strong because I don’t give up.

I think that there is one thing that is most important here, though. I have noticed growth. I am way better off now, than I was when I started. I have tools, I have support. She knows when I am really in distress and offers me an extra session. The two times I have done that, she has helped me get to a really stable place. Besides processing trauma she has helped me through work situations and scary things in my life. I feel my inner strength grow and hear my inner voice saying things that she has said to me.

Has your therapist given you an experience such as that? It is on him to make that happen or find someone that can.

 

[grit]

I wholeheartedly agree with skywatcher but I will add one more thing and English is my third language here. but language in healing is extremely important, at least in my experience even though I do acknowledge EMRD is a different model.

Only a mother can give the experience shown here by skywatcher. Only a mother with her baby. Because most of us have not had that "experience" with our mothers (or the first caretaker), the only other way we get it is with a therapist that initiates the same mechanism within us. The therapist can only "initiate" by giving us space (space can be self respect/regard, trustworthiness etc) and safety but the rest of the journey is internal. Skywatcher met a good therapist BUT the more important thing she realized that and did her homework by hearing her therapist in her head just like we hear our parents bad words in our heads...she has switched. but no one can do that switch for her. She chose that.

My husband said this to me last night as we drove from a drive in movies...on a long highway. Going to therapy is like going to physio, the physiotherapist can touch your hurt body, show you what happened, give you some tips about how to exercise other muscles to offset this one BUT YOU MUST DO THE EXERCISES that she recommended AFTER THE SESSIONS. Otherwise, you are just coming back every week asking the physio to show you again same thing but until you take it, you are not changing, healing or growing. I thought that was brilliant!

IIMHO, therapy is symbolic relationship not a real one. It is a place holder for the mother space, so those of us who were really hurt as children can have their baby parts come out and be realized.

I think I am really passionate about therapy and I will leave this with you. All the best and also I am learning a lot about how we all process and see therapists which is a great eye opening for me.

Merci!

 

[blackemerald1]

Why does this have to be so damn hard?

Because it's your life, your time and it all counts?

 

[Abstract]

I so wish I could tell you what the right thing to do would be but unfortunately there are so many unknowns 2nd hand and only you have access to you and all that has happened.

These are the things I consider
Do you feel heard and understood and if not at times is the t able to do so when you bring it up.
Are painful interactions so normal to you that a painful t relationship feels right
Is the painful relationship actually working through and changing past patterns or are you just in another loop of more of the same
Is the relationship helping you feel more accepting of yourself and others. Over a period of time,

Anxiety distress etc does come along for the ride with just speaking about trauma and symptoms and I know for me just being in a room with another human being in this context but its whether its helping you progress which is the question.

Is the relationship helping you process the trauma safely.
Is the relationship helping you change interpersonal patterns
Is the relationship helping you gain more personal insight.

Good luck! I agree with possibly cancelling one apppointment to give you more space to think this through if you need to do that,

 

[Rex]

Thank you for all of your responses. I am going to see both of them this week and then try to make a decision. It seems like it should be easy, but it is not. I see B tomorrow and am uneasy. I think it is time to walk away most likely, but for some reason, I just can't.

 

[joeylittle]

Just some thoughts...

There are some people who do this to me, and this is what I need to work on. C, the new guy, doesn't do this. How can I work on this if he isn't seeing it? I am not very articulate when it comes to explaining. My current therapist, B, sees it first hand.

Honestly, you can describe it to the new guy, and truly - he'll be able to help you with it. He doesn't actually need to observe the behavior first hand. What is more important is that you are able to describe what happens to you, both what goes on inside your head, and how you manifest that into behavior. I think you've got much more of a chance of working on this with C, it sounds like.

I think it is time to walk away most likely, but for some reason, I just can't.

Sometimes the sheer amount of time we put into something will make it difficult to put it down, but that doesn't mean we can't put it down. I think this is something that most people go through with one thing or another...relationships that we don't want to end because they've been going on for so long, objects that we don't know how to get rid of even though they are more trouble than they're worth....In other words, I guess I'm trying to say that I think this feeling is very normal and understandable - but that's all it is, a feeling. It's not an important message worth listening to.

 

[Rex]

I saw B today. Wow.
I held it together in session, but cried when I got to my car.

I see C tomorrow.

I didnt reschedule with B. Im not sure what to do.