ebb and flow of good days/weeks and bad days/weeks?

[brokenpony]

does anyone else have good weeks and it gives you a false sense of security? i have had a really rough few months with ptsd and the past couple of weeks were very bad for me, where i wasn't sleeping much at all and the insomnia was exacerbating every symptom i have, including leading to panic attacks in public and a tactile flashback in the bread aisle of the supermarket. no idea what triggered it there as i was not raped in a supermarket and don't understand how to figure out my exact triggers. anyway i have since had an okay weekend because an old friend came to visit. i felt a little better when she was here. not less depressed, but definitely less anxiety and agitation, so i could actually sleep a little more. having someone in the house made night easier and i didn't feel hypervigilant, as we often drank alcohol and talked before bed, so i wasn't alone with my thoughts. and having someone to bring around town and wine and dine, so to speak, was helpful as a distraction, kind of gave me an excuse to not think about work and trauma and everything stressing me out. i guess it felt like a mini vacation of a kind. now she is gone and i am feeling myself sliding back and the anxiety rising back up. the landlord is banging around in the building and i'm starting to get agitated. i'm thinking about my work week and i want to curl into a ball. i have an event today at work that i am dreading because of social anxiety (a VIP will be there and i should talk to him but don't want to). i am dreading my life again. all it took was one day back alone by myself to start reverting.

 

[EveHarrington]

Knowing this disorder is pretty much a constant wave, from up to down to up again...? Helps with the down times as you know it’s cyclical. Down times are not failures, they are expected. :hug:

 

[Friday]

does anyone else have good weeks and it gives you a false sense of security?

I’ve been doing this long enough that I tend to look at the overall pattern, and use that as a scale of how I’m doing overall & any trending. IE Things are generally getting better - keep doing what I’m doing, things are starting to get worse - need to take a step back and evaluate what’s what, or I seem to be in a holding pattern - and what, if anything, I need to do about that.

Doing good isn’t security, doing badly isn’t all hell breaking loose... both of those things can one off in a sea of the other, and be essentially meaningless, or they can be part of an overall trend. Looking at the pattern? Gives me something to work with.

 

[brokenpony]

Knowing this disorder is pretty much a constant wave, from up to down to up again...? Helps with the down times as you know it’s cyclical. Down times are not failures, they are expected. :hug:

I’ve been doing this long enough that I tend to look at the overall pattern, and use that as a scale of how I’m doing overall & any trending. IE Things are generally getting better - keep doing what I’m doing, things are starting to get worse - need to take a step back and evaluate what’s what, or I seem to be in a holding pattern - and what, if anything, I need to do about that.

Doing good isn’t security, doing badly isn’t all hell breaking loose... both of those things can one off in a sea of the other, and be essentially meaningless, or they can be part of an overall trend. Looking at the pattern? Gives me something to work with.

thanks to you both. i think i am just worried that (or know that) this level of intensity will come back at some point and that i won't be able to get out of the hole again for an even longer time. it's not a sustainable way to live. i'll have a mental break at work and that will be that. at least i will be better ready for it each time!