Undiagnosed Sufferer still of emotional abuse - 22yo moving from mother’s to boyfriend’s

[Ashley4499]

Hello. Id rather not give my name at this moment but im 22 and live at home right now with a narrsistic mother and my dad. I take daily mental abuse from her to the point that i have breakdowns. My boyfriend is a life saver.. I plan to go spend time with him and he doesnt think its a good idea for me to come back because she uses my animals against me. If i stay with him i will possibly lose my material things and animals but gain indepence from her hold. He and i both believe that thanks to her i have some stockholm type issues which makes it extremely hard to even think about cutting ties with them but at the same time i need to put myself first i just feel bad for even wanting to do it

 

[littleoc]

Cutting ties is very, very hard. But you can do it.

It might help to expand on coping mechanisms and figure out what’s holding you back.

Are you in therapy?

Do you have a potential plan for moving?

Do you feel that the animals are in danger?

Do you have PTSD?

Glad you found us :)

 

[Friday]

Why not live on your own?

 

[Ashley4499]

Like the thought of it makes me break down and cry and get panic attacks.
Im not currently in therapy my insurance doesnt cover anything local and my mother being a nurse always says im fine and dont need it. She holds all my insurance stuff as well.
As for moving i will be leaving the 17th to "visit" my boyfriend and both he and another friend who i see as a father figure (older male) both believe that coming back her she will use my animals as an anchor to keep me here. Shes made me dependent on her. I dont drive, i dont have a ged, i basically know how to cook and clean thats it. Both my bf and the friend suggest i "run and dont look back" she is also adding stress onto my relstionship trying to break it up so i stay home.
Best case scenrio for the animals is in a month or two they chill out and box my birds up and ship them to me. Realistically they will probably let them starve, kill them or sell them (they are expensive show chickens as thats what i do)
I honestly dont know if i have ptsd being completely honest i dont even know the real me. I know the me that doesnt want to leave my room because i know i have to deal with her.

 

[Ashley4499]

Why not live on your own?

Like i said in the other post i dont drive. And where i currently live is in the middle of nowhere so i cant even get indepence from her by getting a job because there arent any that are local to me

 

[littleoc]

I feel you. I’m 23 and just now learning to drive.

Honestly, even a women’s shelter may be better than sitting idle there.

What kind of animals do you have? Any way you could bring some along?

What state are you in? Any animal rescue or boarding opportunities? Some bird vets will let you board for weeks for 14$ a day. Definitely adds up, but for a two or three day thing, potentially possible. I have done that in emergencies or necessary situations.

 

[littleoc]

You don’t have to answer every question by the way. Especially about the state. It’s all anonymous here anyway

 

[Ashley4499]

I feel you. I’m 23 and just now learning to drive.

Honestly, even a women’s shelter may be better than sitting idle there.

What kind of animals do you have? Any way you could bring some along?

What state are you in? Any animal rescue or boarding opportunities? Some bird vets will let you board for weeks for 14$ a day. Definitely adds up, but for a two or three day thing, potentially possible. I have done that in emergencies or necessary situations.

I have poultry (small chickens mostly that i use for breeding and show) the vets here only board cats and dogs, ive tried seeing if i can send them to a friends temporalily but said friend doesnt have the room.
Best case scenrio i can think of is while im out of state with my boyfriend i call her, tell her that i cancelled the ticket coming back and im staying there and they just say to pay to ship my birds and the bigger things i cant bring with me then i cut ties but thats best case in my head. I dont know what will happen realistically because even the thought of leaving here is out of the realm of what ive been raised with but here i have no friends or life or a job so i know for my sanity i need to leave but the animals make me feel guilty for just leaving them if that makes any sense.

 

[Friday]

Does your boyfriend live where there are resources to gain your independence? Either ultra urban where you don’t need a car, and can find work, hook up with resources for ID/Education/Living Skills, etc., or lots of public transportation to get you to resources?

Ditto @littleoc, a women’s shelter -or something like JobCorps- may be the far better next step, as far as not simply moving from one place of complete dependence to another.

 

[Ashley4499]

Does your boyfriend live where there are resources to gain your independence? Either ultra urban where you don’t need a car, and can find work, hook up with resources for ID/Education/Living Skills, etc., or lots of public transportation to get you to resources?

Ditto @littleoc, a women’s shelter -or something like JobCorps- may be the far better next step, as far as not simply moving from one place of complete dependence to another.

Yes. I live in a town of maybe 400 he loves in a town of 13,000 with places that are within walking distance of his house. My plan is to get a job there and get my ged and learn to drive because being dependent on anyone but her makes me feel bad because i always used to hear "dont tell anyone we need money or dont ask for help from anyone you can just suffer"

 

[Ashley4499]

Its such a small place we dont even have a womans shelter here. And job corps id have to leave anyway. Ive done work in a resturant (which they knew the owners of) and ive done volunteer stuff for her friends so i dont even know if i can count that as job experience

 

[littleoc]

Will the new city have a women’s shelter?

Maybe you could schedule appointments for the birds in the other city and act like you’re bringing them for a vet appointment? All birds should go yearly anyway, you could say? And here’s a (fake) good chance?

I understand your pain. If I knew you in person, I’d take those chickens without a second thought