Hello all! I've been a reader of this forum for a couple of years, but this is the first time I've posted. The many stories that mirror mine so well have been sources of comfort and inspiration for me, and I thank all of you who walk this road and understand.
I've been on the supporter side of the PTSD roller coaster for about two years. Our relationship is usually close to fabulous. We communicate well, I know how to give him space when he needs it, and we consider ourselves to be in a serious, long-term relationship. The past year has been wonderful. But here I am today, completely stymied by the behavior of a man who can be so wonderful at times and so un-wonderful at others. I've just had enough...for today.
January and February are bad months for him - he has explained that. I've read enough about PTSD to sink a ship, but these behaviors still blindside me, even though I've seen them before. He has been drunk for a week now, and I am furious. And terrified. To my knowledge, up to this point, he had been sober for almost a year. On Wednesday, I saw him briefly (because it was my birthday, happy freaking birthday, right?), and he said he knew he needed to pull himself out of this. We discussed the fact that he is too smart to be making these choices and that there are better options available. I reminded him of how well he had done for the past year and assured him that there were better times down the road. I suggested he touch base with his therapist and told him I'd help him out however I could. No demands were made, no ultimatums were given - only gentle suggestions.
Last night, I sent a goodnight text and told him that I loved him and hoped he had a good night. His response was, "To quote Matchbox 20, I wish the real world would just stop hassling me".
I didn't blow up at him. I didn't say what I wanted to say, which was something along the lines of, "Your wish is granted, sunshine". I didn't point out that my birthday was crap and that Valentine's Day will likely be similar. I didn't point out a lot of things and figured that silence was my best option.
Seemingly, all supporters go through this. So I'll get out the unspoken checklist - we all know the drill. Give him space. Be there if he needs to talk. Worry like hell that he's not coming back. Hide my tears and put on a happy face. Assure everyone that I'm fine even though I'm breaking apart inside. Please feel free to add to the list. And thanks for letting me vent.
I've been on the supporter side of the PTSD roller coaster for about two years. Our relationship is usually close to fabulous. We communicate well, I know how to give him space when he needs it, and we consider ourselves to be in a serious, long-term relationship. The past year has been wonderful. But here I am today, completely stymied by the behavior of a man who can be so wonderful at times and so un-wonderful at others. I've just had enough...for today.
January and February are bad months for him - he has explained that. I've read enough about PTSD to sink a ship, but these behaviors still blindside me, even though I've seen them before. He has been drunk for a week now, and I am furious. And terrified. To my knowledge, up to this point, he had been sober for almost a year. On Wednesday, I saw him briefly (because it was my birthday, happy freaking birthday, right?), and he said he knew he needed to pull himself out of this. We discussed the fact that he is too smart to be making these choices and that there are better options available. I reminded him of how well he had done for the past year and assured him that there were better times down the road. I suggested he touch base with his therapist and told him I'd help him out however I could. No demands were made, no ultimatums were given - only gentle suggestions.
Last night, I sent a goodnight text and told him that I loved him and hoped he had a good night. His response was, "To quote Matchbox 20, I wish the real world would just stop hassling me".
I didn't blow up at him. I didn't say what I wanted to say, which was something along the lines of, "Your wish is granted, sunshine". I didn't point out that my birthday was crap and that Valentine's Day will likely be similar. I didn't point out a lot of things and figured that silence was my best option.
Seemingly, all supporters go through this. So I'll get out the unspoken checklist - we all know the drill. Give him space. Be there if he needs to talk. Worry like hell that he's not coming back. Hide my tears and put on a happy face. Assure everyone that I'm fine even though I'm breaking apart inside. Please feel free to add to the list. And thanks for letting me vent.
