Not so sure how my bird is feeling besides uncomfortable, but when I go to take her out of her cage, she’s started asking to go back in immediately no matter what. She’s still skinny even after eating a lot, and after being in antibiotics for about two weeks straight, she still is wheezing audibly (and leaning away when I put my ear on her go listen)
She could live to be 20, but I am worrying at age 11. She is very ill, but less ill than when she was pooping blood three months ago, so there was improvement, but... I am worried
One thing bothering me the most is being able to accept it if she passes sooner than I wanted/hoped for, except that the vet might tell me it was my fault. I am actually not worried about my pride here — I know where my fault was and I know I’m trying hard a doing my best here, so I know I can’t be blamed. No, I’m more worried that my mom will be in the room to hear it and I’ll have to explain to her that there’s no reason to be mad about what other people’s opinions on the matter are
So I am reminding myself that my mom’s reactions to people “bullying” me are her problem, and I have no reason to apologize for her. However, I don’t think my mom would escalate in public any minor insult to me if my bird passed away. I think that she would just let me have a moment with my bird, and if the vet were heartless (she’s an odd woman, but I doubt she’d be heartless in a moment like that) then I could just ignore it and remind my mom that I’m an adult and she doesn’t need to do that
In my teen years she tried to protect me in public sometimes. It was awful, and I guess I’m happy she tried but Jesus did she ruin some people’s days for no reason (“she cut in front of you in line!!” Who cares??? And no she didn’t, by the way)
Anyway. I am hoping my bird just recovers. I feel weird having worries like this, but I’ve deep down accepted that my bird may not make it through this, so that I am emotionally prepared if needed. However, I also think she will pull through
If y’all knew me as a teenager, you’d hate me. I spoke like two different people — confused the shit out of teachers and counselors. That’s sort of how I’m thinking about Dove, except in a pretty normal way, I’d say — I’m expecting her to live and I’m supporting her, I’m realizing that I’m low on funds for saving her though so trying hard to keep it from escalating, but also accepting that she is having a very hard time and should have the freedom to go if she can’t keep fighting it
But I also am expecting her to pull through. She has come far so far! She has eye lashes now!!
Hopefully that makes sense!
