Methods To Differentiate Between Hypervigilance or being Triggered & Real Threat?

[Abstract]

Thank you @PreciousChild ! Loads of sense.

It hit me like a bucket of cold water the realization that all the negativity I was perceiving was all "in my head."

I too have had moments like that. I have also had many where I realised after that I should have believed the threat and yet didnt. Or in fact I did but my internal reaction was disproportionately too much and my external one disproportionately to little. ?

if I was feeling paranoid that a colleague was trying to undermine me, I would think really hard about whether I could imagine her doing that to someone else. If she is a decent human being, usually it's very clear that they would never do that thing you're worried about.

This is an excellent observation. I love it. This I can do. One of my difficulties is that I am constantly in a situation with people who are known to be untrustworthy. That makes it more difficult. When and exactly are they targeting people or me. How extremely. I am thinking I should probably be confronting these things much more strongly and directly. Even when others arent and dont. Often others dont know how to deal with people like this as they havent done so before. I have. I know better. Dont know if that makes sense.

if I'm thinking in terms of "they", it is almost 100% the case that it is merely perceived.

Argh. Good point. Im sadly not sure I ever come out of they. Shamefully. Not sure what to do about that. I do not trust.

 

[Abstract]

Hi @IceQueencop Thank you.

I wind up giving people the hairy eyeball because I’ve convinced myself they are a threat, when really, I’m just hungry.

Haha. Good point about ruling out the physical. This one I am actually very good at as a result of successfully dealing with 38 odd years of eating disorders. ? The last 6 or so successfully. Thank goodness. Had a significant wobble recently and am still righting myself.

I think you have to ask whether you’re willing to live with that negativity, regardless of whether it’s hv or not. Maybe write down the things you are experiencing over time and compare them to @Freida’s checklist. Delusional thinking can be part of PTSD hv, too.

Oh, feel very paranoid at times and see people as way more of a potential threat than they probably are. Or in a more visceral way.

Maybe your working environment is a toxic one

Yes it is. Repeatedly. Thank you. I can't seem to find a way to avoid this. Am trying. At present it is more a case of how to manage that reality. Am I the only one that feels like am in hypervigalence pretty much all the time. I wonder how that changes my perception.

Stop for 60 seconds. - OK do that.
Note the exits - do that all the time. Interpersonally that isnt so easy.
Determine how to get to them - hmm. Physically, yes.
Slowly view the entire area and note any obvious threats - done
Check for people and things that are out of place - I think I start distrusting myself more significantly at this point.
Look for weapons that can be used if necessary - do this.

Then ask myself -- Do I see an authentic danger? Doubt confusion etc.
Usually the answer is no.
Then I can go on about my day
If I can't answer no - then I leave.. So wish I could most of the time but maybe I am giving my power away.

 

[Freida]

So wish I could most of the time but maybe I am giving my power away.
I had to think about this for a bit -- but ...
Leaving doesn't necessarily mean physically removing yourself from a location. It can also mean mentally removing yourself from the concept of a threat.

I see a co worker who I think is up to no good and/or doing something to "harm" me.

Stop for 60 seconds. - OK do that.
Note the exits - How to I exit the conversation? Or exit the project. Or exit the area (leaving for a bathroom break works great.
Determine how to get to exits - Work this out in my head before I need it. Think of things I can say to disengage from them or to redirect the topic at hand.
Slowly view the entire area and note any obvious threats - Mentally review what is happening. Is their behavior directed at me or am I being delusional?
Check for people and things that are out of place - I think I start distrusting myself more significantly at this point. Well stop that. :laugh: The visual that came to me is one of my trainers running in and out of the bosses office after I changed a decision she had made about a trainee. Was she in and out complaining about me? Or was it something else. What was "out of place" and what did I need to do next. (I went and asked boss if she needed to see me about anything in particular And sure enough, trainer was fussing and boss thanked me for being proactive)
Look for weapons that can be used if necessary - They call it Verbal Judo -- how to verbally and professionally protect yourself in a toxic workplace. ie - weapons!
Then ask myself -- Do I see an authentic danger? Doubt confusion etc.
Usually the answer is no.
Then I can go on about my day
If I can't answer no - then I review my options. How best to either engage with a toxic co worker, review my own assumptions of the situation or disengage from the situation for the time being.

Does that help? Sometimes getting stuff out of my head and onto the page comes out like a squirrel on crack. :laugh:

 

[Abstract]

Pure sense thank you so much. Not a squirrel in sight and no crack. Yes that helps a lot.

Even though I now have good assertiveness skills I think I often still only half speak up when I should fully do so. I doubt myself too much. One of the things making me look at this again is that I am less symptomatic and it is allowing me to both see I was overreacting with some things, and in others realising I had unnecessarily diluted my response while trying to compensate for symptoms when actually they werent relevant. Without the symptoms I can allow myself to see the truth more. Hope that's not too squirrely. ;) I am also over it when it comes to peoples cr*p. Tired of it all.
Here is my new reviewed process adding all input in. I usually start with 8 and spend a lot of time on that, sometimes so much don't see anything else or do enough.

What about: is this dynamic likely to be hooking me in in some way or be triggering to me? Does anyone look at that and if so how early?

1. Stop for 60 seconds. - factor in HALT
2. How to exit the project. Or exit the area (leaving for a bathroom break works great) exit the dynamic completely.
3. Determine how to get to exits - Work this out in my head before I need it. Think of things I can say to disengage from them or to redirect the topic at hand.
4. Mentally review what is happening. Is their behavior directed at me or am I being delusional?
5. Check for people and things that are out of place - think instinct and gut feel come in here.
6. Whether I could imagine the person doing the specific thing I suspect to someone else
7. Look for weapons that can be used if necessary - They call it Verbal Judo -- how to verbally and professionally protect yourself in a toxic workplace. ie - weapons! Papertrails, Legal advice etc.
8. Then ask myself -- Do I see an authentic danger?
Usually the answer is no.Then I can go on about my day
9 If I can't answer no - then I review my options. How best to either engage with a toxic person/ organisation, review my own assumptions of the situation or disengage from the situation for the time being. Or maybe go on a no holds barred thought out defense if appropriate. I am at this point in my life.

The physical risk situations are easier to figure out but my tendencies are the same. Same patterns. If its me. If its someone else there is no issue other than me not really being cautious /self protective enough.

I'm going to try this on for size.?

 

[Abstract]

@Freida thank you for the verbal judo. Interesting! These are skills I have I think and which I should acknowledge. Think will purchase some of that and explore. Ah, only USA.

 

[Freida]

thank you for the verbal judo

So happy it helped! and yep - your steps look awesome! I think they flow really nicely and give you room to jump around if necessary. Can't wait to hear how it works!

 

[Abstract]

Thank you muchly @Freida ? Lets see what happens.... Presently very sure about something at work for the first time in ages and its empowering and set off these new thoughts. Watch out here I come.

 

[shimmerz]

Thanks @shimmerz Does that mean that you can now accurately evaluate any situation for real threat past ptsd?

No, --- I wish. Keeping in mind, at one time everything (including blades of grass for chrissakes) were a threat. So I have a good deal of it under control. Much went when I figure out how to stop my body from being chronically frozen. I did a fair bit of work using the 'situational awareness' model. I used imagery if I could pinpoint something that was a real threat (like my abusers who still live in the area). I 'imagined' seeing them - or god help me having to walk past them or stuck in a store with them - and tried to identify what my emotional state would be. That was super tough because I had so many mixed emotions I had no idea what I would feel and therefore couldn't 'picture' my response (besides dropping). That took a bit of work and I decided after some working through it that I was going to be either disgusted or would just ignore them as if they meant nothing to me. I also read The Art of War. That helped me to understand the beast I was up against.

So yeah, about the only threat I am up against now is the abusers and running into them. Once I can get my head around that it will open up my world big time. So I tap into 'looking forward to seeing them' so I can move onwards and start going whereever I want to again.

No sure if that is helpful or not Abstract, but it is what my thoughts are on where I have been, where I am, and where I intend on going with the HV thing.