Balance Between Hypervigilance And Recklessness

[ericaboo]

Something I noticed during a recent incident is that real threats vs. triggers of previous threats feel identical to me. So often times, I ignore my own intuition about danger.

I think it is a coping strategy that occurred so I could live my life without being in constant startle mode, but now I go in this cycle between total recklessness for my own safety, having new traumatic things happen, and then becoming sick, hypervigilant and paranoid all over again.

Any thoughts on creating a healthy level of cautiousness - a balance between being self protective, but still being able to live life, be active, and take reasonable risks?

 

[Tinyflame]

I would imagine it requires being able to distinguish between a real threat and a falsely placed feeling of one.

 

[ericaboo]

Is it possible that for some people, there is no capacity to make that distinction? Then what?

I suppose you could just create rules for yourself, maybe with the help of someone who is good about that sort of thing...

I have seen lists of - how to spot a dangerous person or situation - and things like that, but they usually sound like they were written by someone who is hypervigilant. (Is that my prejudice talking?)

 

[Meadowsweet]

I understand feeling unable to make proper judgements of people, although my reaction is to isolate

I think you can learn rules or boundaries. But even if you don't feel it intuitively, your intellect can also remind you to take new friendships slowly and stay vigilant (not hypervigilant).

Something I've statred doing at the moment, is looking in more detail at myself, to try to find out how I feel about different personalities, and why. Then hopefully I will be able to recognise the things I'm blind to in people.

 

[Red Feather]

I have this when it comes to be homeless. Being homeless reminds me of my trauma. And just in October I was homeless again. It was reckless. I wasn't judging my reality appropriately. It is like I am just numb to certain aspects of life.

And I find myself repeating the traumatic event, or repeatedly coming very close to the edge. My T says I always wait until things get really really bad in order to start doing anything about it. But I am not so aware why. In any case once it gets that far, my hypervigilance then soars really high.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think gut instinct can be correct, as is recognizing that being 'charming' is an act, not a character trait.
But sometimes the best (all of us) can be wrong.
I think (in 'our' case) we try to give people a greater benefit of the doubt.

But as far as 'daily' stuff goes, try to weigh it to reality, do you have rational reasons, or is it the past haunting you?

 

[712xx]

I was told on many occassions that what we fear and dislike in others are (many times) traits that we don't like about ourselves (but deny we have). For example, I've found when meeting grown women wearing cartoon characters on their shirts and talking like a kid, I instantly dislike them. I don't even give them a chance to see if they have any talents/skills that would 'override' their childish nature.

Reason? Because I used to be one of those people, lol. I cringe when I meet anyone who resembles me in my early 20's, because I am ashamed of myself for how immature I used to be and feel. It wasn't my fault; it was just who I was at the time and I need to own it, but it still feels just ... wrong.

A fear example would be people who resemble my mother and/or her cult-y friends. If they have similar hair styles, or manerisms, or similar ways of speaking, I want to either run away or punch that person in the face (or hurl a spear toward their head after I ran a safe distance).

I used to fantasize that I was the long lost descendant of Tarzan & Pocahontas, lol. :rolleyes:

There is, of course, more to it than resolving issues with yourself -- just a low budget gem I'd thought I could pass on to the masses. Why keep this vast knowledge truck I have aquired these past ... oh, 24 years, to myself? I open it up, grab a handful of it like confetti and tinsel, decorating the forum with it like PTSD-mas.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Ericaboo)))
There is a excellent book that talks about how to trust your intuition if you are interested.
It is called The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It really speaks to your concerns a really great resource.
I wish you good luck on this stuff.

 

[Hashi]

I think when you've lost the sense of "gut instinct" the best thing to do is to decide some rules for yourself and then stick to them.

For example, I have a lot of trouble around coming home at night and what would be safe. (I don't drive, so I'm using public transport or walking.) It was exhausting to try to decide it on a case by case basis, depending on what time a work or social event I was at would finish, whether I could leave early without being rude, whether I was taking an unnecessary risk etc. So I decided that I would always be back in my house by 10pm, and if I'm out I will leave at whatever time I need to, to meet that. I give it as a reason for leaving and let people know in advance when making arrangements - just that I need to by home by 10, not why I need to, and no-one has ever asked me why.

I apply this approach to other things, too, like I decided I'll only stay with public places when I meet people I don't know very well. Then I don't have any exceptions to this. Even if I see a therapist, I don't care how highly recommended or qualified they are, I will only go to see them at a centre and not privately in their own home.

It's a relief not trying to make decisions when I feel unable to judge properly, and I feel much safer. Having boundaries like this actually lets me do more.

 

[ericaboo]

So now, (as opposed to pre-diagnosis) having a truly weird, seemingly dangerous person who is totally pissed at me (long story - part of my job), I actually went over to the person's apartment and hung out (he lives with my friend who invited me over).

This seemed to only encourage this person to pursue some kind of head-tripping, trying to get into my head, acting like my friend, yet being a total freak.

Now I am so hypervigilant, I am working from home, and looking over my shoulder everywhere I go.

And so the cycle begins again... and now that I actually see it, it is much more debilitating because all my rationalizations for why I do these things or how freaky people aren't actually freaky, are completely disintigrated...

I am away from this person now, and will do whatever to stay away, but don't know how to get myself ramped back down from this state. And it's not fun or a thrill or anything like it ever was in the past.

It's just straight up sick. My whole question about hypervigilance vs recklesness has evolved into a completely different point of view for me - if that makes any sense... Even knowing what I know, I don't have the assertiveness to stay out of trouble.

Just paint a target on my back I guess...

 

[Tinyflame]

Sometimes we re-live or re-enact our traumas- sort of like going back and trying to create a different ending.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Erica)))
No target on your back, I hate being retraumatized. It is a process, and I really relate to what you said.
I'm hoping this will just blow over with not too much drama and crazymaking for you.

It would make me feel sick too. Sending you some peace and healing energy.
Stay strong, you can get through this. I hope you get alot of help, support, and encouragement, be safe.