katz
Platinum Member
I can completely understand where your coming from on this. I have been going in a circle for years! I have had to teach myself that crying is okay. I also do a lot of walking. I have a terrible time crying in front of anyone. I feel so self conscious about how I look. When I walk--with lots of Kleenex in my pocket-- I can not only cry and mourn for my "inner child", but the walking takes a lot of tension out of me. I try to teach myself (the adult me) to love and forgive the "child" inside me. You need to let her know that she is ok and loved. Remind her that it is in the past and she is very strong because she made it thru it , and will -someday- be able to make it thru all the ugly memories.
I learned a loooong time ago that you only remember as much as you can handle. It is something that we all have the ability to do. so give yourself some forgiveness if you mourn a long time. If you don't like all the crying and sobbing that you feel. Go find something that you can do that will get it out of your system.
You can throw rocks into a lake while you yell at your "demon" or just sit under a tree by yourself outside and let yourself feel. I try to notice the other things, smells, sounds, colors, (you will be really, really tired when your done crying.) But you will feel sooo much better. I also crochet, which is something to concentrate on, instead of the memories. You need to take care of yourself. I also have a councilor who helps me to look at the "ugly" parts of my "demons", but she is learning when to stop, and "yes" it is very scary! I still have trouble saying the "I" word. It sounds so ugly to me.
I know that I have said this before, in other forums, so if I repeat myself, I'm sorry.
I see all my bad memories as papers scattered on the floor. (I have 5 different "demons"). As I feel strong enough to face them, I pick up a paper and read it. One sheet at a time. I remember it and cry for it. Sometimes I have to pick them up more then once. When I feel that I have cried out/remembered/felt enough, I can put the "paper" into the file cabinet in the corner. I know that it is there-and will never go completely away. But to me, it has been...looked at and "felt". (I have a problem with "feeling" emotions.) Then, when a memory comes up, that is related to it, I simply acknowledge that the thought exists, remind myself that it is in the "past" and in the file cabinet. Then I can just go on. I have found that after I weep and feel each memory as it comes up, I can learn to love the "child" that went thru this. Sometimes I draw a picture--using crayons-- so the "child" can draw how she feels. These all help me. I have learned that my little girl needs lots and lots of love and support and she definitely deserves it. You do too.
Hugs () to you for your note :)
I learned a loooong time ago that you only remember as much as you can handle. It is something that we all have the ability to do. so give yourself some forgiveness if you mourn a long time. If you don't like all the crying and sobbing that you feel. Go find something that you can do that will get it out of your system.
You can throw rocks into a lake while you yell at your "demon" or just sit under a tree by yourself outside and let yourself feel. I try to notice the other things, smells, sounds, colors, (you will be really, really tired when your done crying.) But you will feel sooo much better. I also crochet, which is something to concentrate on, instead of the memories. You need to take care of yourself. I also have a councilor who helps me to look at the "ugly" parts of my "demons", but she is learning when to stop, and "yes" it is very scary! I still have trouble saying the "I" word. It sounds so ugly to me.
I know that I have said this before, in other forums, so if I repeat myself, I'm sorry.
I see all my bad memories as papers scattered on the floor. (I have 5 different "demons"). As I feel strong enough to face them, I pick up a paper and read it. One sheet at a time. I remember it and cry for it. Sometimes I have to pick them up more then once. When I feel that I have cried out/remembered/felt enough, I can put the "paper" into the file cabinet in the corner. I know that it is there-and will never go completely away. But to me, it has been...looked at and "felt". (I have a problem with "feeling" emotions.) Then, when a memory comes up, that is related to it, I simply acknowledge that the thought exists, remind myself that it is in the "past" and in the file cabinet. Then I can just go on. I have found that after I weep and feel each memory as it comes up, I can learn to love the "child" that went thru this. Sometimes I draw a picture--using crayons-- so the "child" can draw how she feels. These all help me. I have learned that my little girl needs lots and lots of love and support and she definitely deserves it. You do too.
Hugs () to you for your note :)
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