General What are they thinking?

[Freida]

@EveHarrington yay!!! Happy it helped!!!

 

[GatorsFan12]

I have a really odd question but I wanted to see what others think of this...the girl I had been dating who has been sexually assaulted broke up with me because she felt she wasn’t ready for a relationship and said that when she gets triggered, if any men try to even talk to her it makes her want to puke...but she likes photos of male celebs and models on Instagram...is that odd behavior or would you consider that no big deal? It just seems kinda contradicting to me

 

[somerandomguy]

..is that odd behavior

Depends. Are the photos of the models and celebs on Instagram real, physical things that could possibly do bad things to her? No, they're just photos? Then not a contradiction at all. Photos are safe. Real people may not be.

 

[GatorsFan12]

Depends. Are the photos of the models and celebs on Instagram real, physical things that could possibly do bad things to her? No, they're just photos? Then not a contradiction at all. Photos are safe. Real people may not be.

That makes sense when it’s put that way. I’m probably just overreacting. I guess being ignored when Im nothing but caring and sweet to her, but then her liking photos of men is just making me jealous and overthink. I guess I’m not fully over everything like I thought I was

 

[somerandomguy]

I guess I’m not fully over everything like I thought I was

Guess not!

 

[Freida]

Have to agree with @somerandomguy. There is a big difference between interacting with real people in real time and looking at photos. One is threatening - the other is a picture that can't harm you.

If she picked up on your jealousy issues that may be why she bailed. I know it's a huge red flag for me because jealousy is based in wanting some kind of control over another person and I can't handle that at all - so I'm gone at the first sign of it

 

[Friday]

Have to agree with @somerandomguy. There is a big difference between interacting with real people in real time and looking at photos

Ditto both Freida & SRG.

Same token?

- Not ready for a relationship... doesn’t mean she’s not going to casually date or f*ck around, nor that she won’t be pursuing friendships with both men & women. All of which are very different from being in a relationship AND are the steps most people take in working towards being able to be in a relationship.

- When she gets triggered men talking to her makes her want to puke, doesn’t mean she’s never going to talk to men, or is always triggered. It just means sometimes she’s gonna puke, and that she’s got a trigger to work on (By. Talking. To. Men.)

All of these things? Are very very normal for single people to do. She’s single, now. Expect her to be doing them.

 

[GatorsFan12]

Have to agree with @somerandomguy. There is a big difference between interacting with real people in real time and looking at photos. One is threatening - the other is a picture that can't harm you.

If she picked up on your jealousy issues that may be why she bailed. I know it's a huge red flag for me because jealousy is based in wanting some kind of control over another person and I can't handle that at all - so I'm gone at the first sign of it

I don't think I ever really showed any jealousy towards her. I'm generally very level headed but being ignored has driven me up a wall. We work together too, and she doesn't even look at me. I genuinely don't know what I did wrong. I tried to apologize. No answer. I tried asking what was wrong. No answer. I expressed how being ghosted hurt and affects me. No answer. I can understand not wanting to date, but at least acknowledge me. I didn't do anything wrong to you! I've been seeing a counselor myself because this situation really messed me up, and he's helped me realize that I don't deserve to be ignored, but it still hurts.

 

[Freida]

I've been seeing a counselor myself because this situation really messed me up, and he's helped me realize that I don't deserve to be ignored, but it still hurts.

This ^^ is awesome! I know its hard for the supporters when we ghost - mostly because they are looking for answers and there may not be any. Sometimes I don't even know what the question is. She could be ignoring you because she is embarrassed but i"m guessing its' because she knows you want to talk and there isn't anything she can say to explain her behavior other than... ptsd.

Honestly, I'd stop asking because pushing is the WORST thing you can do. Hopefully some day she will be able to tell you what went wrong. But there is a big chance she doesn't know.

 

[HopefulD]

I don't think I ever really showed any jealousy towards her. I'm generally very level headed but being ignored has driven me up a wall. We work together too, and she doesn't even look at me. I genuinely don't know what I did wrong. I tried to apologize. No answer. I tried asking what was wrong. No answer. I expressed how being ghosted hurt and affects me. No answer. I can understand not wanting to date, but at least acknowledge me. I didn't do anything wrong to you! I've been seeing a counselor myself because this situation really messed me up, and he's helped me realize that I don't deserve to be ignored, but it still hurts.

From one supporter to another. It really makes your head and heart hurt terribly. I've been through it and I'm going through it again. Mine comes back after several months. Maybe he won't this time. Who the hell knows. It's the unknown that makes us nuts. The why and the WTF?? Asking and pushing just makes them run further. Gently broaching the subject of them getting help generally angers or embarrasses them. I think I said it once before in this ongoing thread, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. And their are plenty of us hurting from this behavior, believe me. I'm sorry you are hurting too right now.

 

[NaeNae75]

From one supporter to another. It really makes your head and heart hurt terribly. I've been through it and I'm going through it again. Mine comes back after several months. Maybe he won't this time. Who the hell knows. It's the unknown that makes us nuts. The why and the WTF?? Asking and pushing just makes them run further. Gently broaching the subject of them getting help generally angers or embarrasses them. I think I said it once before in this ongoing thread, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. And their are plenty of us hurting from this behavior, believe me. I'm sorry you are hurting too right now.

Yeah....I've been on this ride for over 8.5 years...he's a little different because he always wants to "break up" but will talk or text me almost every day, even though it's way less than normal. I don't bring up anything other than normal day to day stuff...hey, the sky is blue...hey, are we taking the kids trick or treating or am I taking them alone...hey, it's this kids birthday, so suck it up because we're going to dinner for them. Hey, it's raining...hey, i like your face...just stupid random crap.

I can tell, generally when he's ready for a bit more serious talk and when he's not. It's harder to control my own unsettled feelings, of course. Because my own PTSD and abandonment issues kick in once in a while, but then I STEER CLEAR of saying anything to him. It makes it worse for us both. But then when I take care of me, then he slowly becomes more responsive. This time is WAY harder than normal because we're both in the middle of some heavy work on ourselves. So it's either going to be a catastrophe of epic proportions, or we'll actually have a healthier relationship as a side effect. I'm hoping, and betting on the latter, because of the way we deal with each other.

Honestly, I feel even though he has the upper hand right now, and I'm always worried if he means it, the reality is he does stay in contact and says nice things about me. I suppose really, whether we get through this or not ultimately rests on me and how much I can handle. It just doesn't feel like it is all.

Sorry...I got really sidetracked.

 

[GatorsFan12]

This ^^ is awesome! I know its hard for the supporters when we ghost - mostly because they are looking for answers and there may not be any. Sometimes I don't even know what the question is. She could be ignoring you because she is embarrassed but i"m guessing its' because she knows you want to talk and there isn't anything she can say to explain her behavior other than... ptsd.

Honestly, I'd stop asking because pushing is the WORST thing you can do. Hopefully some day she will be able to tell you what went wrong. But there is a big chance she doesn't know.

Well...to make matters worse...I work with the person and have to see them frequently. We don’t speak at all because she won’t even make eye contact when we pass by. It’s wild.