BPD Can PTSD cause BPD?

[Alli D87]

I feel like i'm spiraling again and getting a ton of PTSD symptoms. I am not self-diagnosing as I don't believe in it, but I've been doing a lot of reading on CPTSD and how it shares a lot of the same symptoms as bpd. I've also read about Quiet bpd and it seems pretty accurate only I don't have the abandonment issues and am not really an outwardly mean person. I have PTSD from being abused by a narcissist. I've been feeling really intense emotions, especially anger which in turn just makes me cry. I've never been able to express anger properly my entire life, I just cry when I get angry.

I see my psychologist on Monday and have compiled a list of symptoms I've been experiencing. (these are very disordered.)

• Not able to advocate for myself
• Crying a lot
• Anger/irritability intense with nowhere to go, lashing out at my boyfriend or myself for stupid things like taking the dog out
• Short term memory issues, forgetting to take meds, remembering work tasks
• Nightmares
• Irrational fears
• Irrational stress
• Sensitive to a lot of noise/multiple conversations going on in one place
• Anxiety in crowded spaces
• Afraid of the smallest things I could do or say that would hurt or upset someone else that would make them angry with me. It's irrational.
• Restlessness/boredom in that I have things I'd like to do but no confidence in my ability to do them (even the smallest things) or I start getting ready to do something then decide it's too much or I won't do it right so I just give up (perfectionism). Rather not do it at all if I may mess up or not do it right.
• while working I forgot to start my timer (client based billing), started to hit myself in the head repeatedly, intense anger...
• started pulling out my hair again (trichotillomania)
• Boss using condescending tone makes me panic and cry (flashback-like response)
• the thought of having to do work causes me stress and I cry a lot
• I calm myself by talking to me sister but when it comes time to hang up I start crying even more with pain in my chest and hard to breathe
• Self-harm/suicidal ideation
• If I don't think I can do something right or perfect I wont do it at all
• Crying is painful in my chest, like my heart is being ripped to pieces
• isolating myself to my home
• feeling taken advantage of by my boss (she knows of my struggles but still pushes me to work)
• Crushing my teeth together subconsciously
• very fidgety/ticks
• Very indecisive
• Paranoid for others and myself
• Always trying to spare others' feelings to my own detriment
• strong urge to hurt myself when something goes wrong or when experiencing symptoms
• listening intently to someone but not comprehending what they are saying (like Charlie brown teachers except I hear the words, they just don't mean anything) subconscious preoccupation? dissociation?
• Subconscious reason i'm not taking my meds?
• Feeling worthless...broken...
• Avoiding people
• Sometimes I feel as if I am not real, like there's another version of me stuck in some hospital acting like I do here, which makes no sense.

I know it's a pretty extensive list, this has been going on for a almost 2 months. I don't see my psychologist all that often because he gets booked up pretty quickly...

Any tips or suggestions would be lovely. I've been really having a rough time lately, especially with memory problems (forgetting entire conversations had only moments prior) and intense emotions (depression, anger, restlessness, etc.)

Thanks in advance

Alli

 

[Friday]

Can PTSD cause BPD? Nope.
Can trauma case BPD? Yep.
Can someone be misdiagnosed as one for the other? Yep.
Can someone be comorbid/have both? Yep.

 

[ILoveLife]

Sorry you're feeling like this. Must be terrible to be in your situation right now. :hug:

Hopefully your therapist can help you manage at least some of those symptoms.

I wouldn't worry about diagnoses though, I would worry more about what you're living with in daily life and how you can manage that for your wellbeing.
Try not to confuse yourself further, simplify and treat the symptoms you have.

 

[Alli D87]

Sorry you're feeling like this. Must be terrible to be in your situation right now. :hug:

Hopefully your therapist can help you manage at least some of those symptoms.

I wouldn't worry about diagnoses though, I would worry more about what you're living with in daily life and how you can manage that for your wellbeing.
Try not to confuse yourself further, simplify and treat the symptoms you have.

Thank you. Yeah i guess it doesn't help to worry about diagnoses. I'm still trying to get into therapy again. All I've been able to use is the free short term counselling services available yearly here in ontario.

 

[lynn T.]

Hi. What a thorough good job of describing your symptoms! Lots of us (me included) couldn't have put together such a good list. I think it'll be helpful to take to a session and you can probably group some of the things under some 'umbrellas'. It sounds like you're overwhelmed, anxious, an empath (at your own expense), doubting your sanity at times. I was married long time to an abuser, narcissistic man. This leaves many wounds and a sense we're just disintegrating and falling apart on the job and elsewhere. But, the good news is your condition is not terminal, I promise. In time, you will not be feeling this multitude of feelings nor feel so hopeless, incompetent or otherwise worthless and nonfunctioning. I don't think it matters a hoot what your official diagnosis is right now, nor does anyone expect you to come up with one. What matters is all these feelings and behaviors you listed so beautifully in order to complete a picture of how you look upon yourself today. I worked in sp. ed for years and no kid could qualify for services unless they had an official diagnosis from the doctor. It's just a convenient box of sorts and unfortunately, a label that may stick with a child throughout his/her life and really not be accurate. There's lots of conditions and illnesses that overlap. Plus it'll be a human being judging you, not God Himself! Be your own best friend right now and treat yourself well. You do deserve to feel better.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I’ve been diagnosed with both and have a lot of those symptoms but a mental health care provider will be better at letting you know. That’s an amazing list you’ve compiled! I’ll let you know though, it does get better with the right help!! Wishing you the best.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Alli,
Thats a really good start. Good luck with the appointment. When it comes to whether its PTSD or not you want to try to describe those nightmares. What is in them. Does it relate to something that happened to you. I know its counter intuitive at best but you also want to describe the abuse that happened that you mention here. Ideally with a psychiatrist that specialises in both personality disorders and trauma. Let us know how you go.

 

[lynn T.]

I went through a period of about a year in which I had a recurrent nightmare. Always the same dream, waking up about the same time of night, feeling a tad bit of terror until I quickly realized that I was safe at home and this dream was nothing new. However, it troubled me more that I could find no end to it (at the time) and I wanted to get to the bottom of the cause, as anyone would, of course. The general theme of the nightmare revolved around being far away from home, overseas, and being kept in a place where my exH was standing right outside of that car and he made sure the doors stayed locked. I had the feeling of no escape in the dream (would even dream of getting to an airport and having a ticket but had missed my flight!) .... It all makes sense now and fortunately, that recurrent dream seemed to stop rather 'cold turkey' after I talked it out with a good friend I trusted. I think it was about that feeling of being trapped, no escape possible, and obstructions that impeded my reaching safety (such as missing an air flight out of there). I believe that as we begin to feel safer, we often quit having some night terrors and all the reliving of the trauma. We can logically know we're safe in the daytime but go to sleep and then be subject to whatever is laying in our deepest fears. Although terrifying, the dream allows us to know somehow what we may need to be working on... sort of a gift to us, I suppose.