Our dysregulation and others' dysregulation

[ILoveLife]

Hi, morning (or whatever, depending where you're at when reading this)

So recently I dysregulated because my mom has been dysregulated.
Usually I'm the head on the shoulders of the house, but I lost my temper for the first time in 4 years and said a bunch of things that probably should be said, but not in that way or that particular moment.

I heavily absorb other people's strong emotions. It's an issue, mostly due to being on high alert all the time I think.
If others are anxious, I get anxious, if others are depressed I get depressed, etc.

Wondering if anyone has any tips on how to detach a bit from this?
Or the cause to why this happens so I'm aware and try to switch it up?

Thanks a million.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Hi Sietz,

I started a thread about this a while ago. Some of it is useful, but towards the end it kind of just turned into crappy, judgemental comments. Dunno if some of the thread might be helpful for you:

How to deal with dysregulation in a relationship?

 

[ILoveLife]

Thanks Sophy.

Not really what I'm looking for, as that thread focuses a lot more on the dysfunction than the actual function :laugh:

Anyway, thanks. I appreciate it.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

:laugh:

Yeah, the thread kinda turned shitty before it got useful :meh:

 

[Rani G2]

@Sietz

Own personal dysregulation: currently on editing state..

heavily absorb other people's strong emotions.

To detect what others radiate and act accordingly was once useful for survival.. or check
„Looking-glass self“ = Charles Cooley and developmental trauma / guess you already know this..

Wondering if anyone has any tips on how to detach a bit from this?

After loads of therapies only Yoga has helped me so far. Sorry got no instant/fast remedies. Atleast I dont. Maybe there are other faster working tools.

 

[ILoveLife]

Thanks @PURUSHA :hug:

 

[grit]

I do not know if losing temper once in four years is dysregulation. Considering your history together, I would say that is quite a feat.

 

[Kubash16]

First, how did you manage to keep your cool that long?

Second, I will talk to my best friend about this for you. She is affected heavily by others emotions. She doesn’t have a trauma background but does have high anxiety and has worked with a counselor for it.

Third, I am so so sorry if I contributed to the stress of this yesterday.

 

[Friday]

I heavily absorb other people's strong emotions. It's an issue, mostly due to being on high alert all the time I think.
If others are anxious, I get anxious, if others are depressed I get depressed, etc

Mirroring others, especially when under stress, is a very human thing to do.

We’re social creatures. From small children looking to others for “how” to react, to rousing speakers / life of the party / natural born leaders inspiring those around them to ______ (whatever energy they’re directing them to take on) ____, to the mood of a crowd shifting from spectators to mob to riot, to lovers flaring, fights breaking out, grief and mourning sinking our hearts even when we don’t know the person who has passed... its the most natural thing in the world to reflect what’s going on around us.

To not get swept up in the passions of those around us? Takes practice.

 

[ILoveLife]

To not get swept up in the passions of those around us? Takes practice.

Damnit.
And here I thought you had a bulletproof easy solution :)

Thanks.

 

[Friday]

Damnit.
And here I thought you had a bulletproof easy solution :)

Didn’t say the practice can’t be fun ;)

IME, it really doesn’t matter how or where one acquires rock solid integrity (alternate use of the word, as opposed to porous and malleable, unaffected by others instead of easily affected by others) ... the more practiced you are at not being influenced by the people around you unless you want to be? The easier it is to maintain that sense of self across multiple fronts.

Being happy around angry or gloomy people? One of the hardest “levels” of that ability. Even harder if it’s family / people with whom you already have scripts and schemas with. Don’t start there. Start around strangers and casual groups.

 

[ILoveLife]

Being happy around angry or gloomy people? One of the hardest “levels” of that ability. Even harder if it’s family / people with whom you already have scripts and schemas with. Don’t start there. Start around strangers and casual groups.

This is actually the opposite for me. With my mother it's a different situation. She starts temper tantruming and I usually leave the room and go do something else. (grit miiiight have a point saying once in 4years is an achievement)... Remaining family, their moods don't affect me at all! Couldn't give a rats ass to how they're feeling.

Strangers? Ever see people cry alone in the street? I'm the one who hugs them :meh: