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Tired Of The Journey

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This morning I lay on my bed in a slightly catatonic state not wanting to go on....Somewhere inside a seed of strength blossomed and I put one foot after the other. I feel so lonely in my distress...
 
I'm sorry, Tessa. I don't know where you get your own help since the job is giving all you have to others, it seems. If being lonely is because one is flatly all alone in the distress-I hope it's something, at least, to not be at least through here.

With hope,

Anni
 
I am so tired of the journey right now. I have a meeting with the boss tomorrow after I wrote a letter to try and put a human face to the organisation we work for. I do not have confidence my concerns will be heard and it might just lead to further bullying.
 
All anyone can do is their best-which you are. It's possible the meeting will have a good outcome of some sort, as you say, perhaps not. Without you having stepped up to the plate to at least try to effect change, even that chance would not be possible.Here's hoping with you!
 
Thankyou Anni. You are right. I remember reading once that if you witness someone being bullied and do nothing about it you are only adding to the problem. We also need help with all these suicide attempts and they are just not listening.
 
I want to run away and become a missing person. I am now on stress leave which means meetings appointments reports being managed..yuk!!! How about silence or care or just being with someone who is hurting?

Can you believe that mansgement came out yesyerday and told me that the overdose I treated on the week-end was self harm not attempted suicide even after she repeatedly told me she wanted to die!!!

This is why people suicide..no-one CARES...it's all just about words on paper or protecting their turf.

I will get through this. I will not give up until someone listens with their hearts and gives us some practical assistance...
 
I am so ANGRY. I am home on stress leave however I just heard the chopper land. The evac doctors are working on someone who cut his throat in the early hours. Will this just be brushed aside as self harm. What is wrong with people. These people are desperate and hurting and all we get is stupid meetings in air conditioned offices in a far away city!!!

No wonder the suicide rate is so high. No-one cares.

I have now spent 3 days in pain with no communication other than I am not allowed to work which is added stress in itself. How do we make them understand. Does anyone care???
 
@anni... yeah, anger feels a whole lot better than almost anything else but laughter. it has energy instead of hopelessness and pain.
 
I don't know if I could be on those front lines like you are Tessa. For real. The spitting into the winds thing of needing to be heard through the money- which seems to be the bottom line when it comes to getting CARE to those who need it. We're a day away from an election where we are and the people who are going to win will make it their business to save money. The poor will suffer. More. There's this great Lie that the USA is this prosperous, wonderful Mecca, where noone even wishes to die because heaven couldn't be better than all this. Our inner cities, some of them, resemble miniature 3rd world countries at war, in poverty, disease , violence and hopelessness. We have elderly citizens eating cat food on crackers because they have to choose between medication and nutrition, if they even have the medication. The population gets told it's either someone else's problem or the problems don't exist. They do, but it's spitting into the wind to get anyone to listen, much less believe the scope of human suffering here. No, not the same as else where but it's pretty dam bad across the board and getting worse. It's money-like giving is some kind of disease in itself to segments of the conservatives. I'll get it in the neck for that but my neck is already shredded so oh well.

This isn't at all the sort of thing which would be at all likely to make you feel better-fuel to the fire, as it were. It's just that there are people listening and understanding. Some small portion of these do have the scope and power to make a difference and not just rant and have a measly little vote, like me. I can still pray, though, and these days do an awful lot of that so that those in the sort of positions to effect the kind of change you need DO IT. It's God himself, so an allowable hope.

I was kind of hoping there'd be some sort of favoratism, with the whole minister's kid thing, but so far he's not too impressed. :) Thanks LSPN, for the reminder on the humour.
 
Tessa,

I *think* I might understand a bit. I can't pretend I'm in your shoes. But I can share something from my life which I hope says 'I understand your frustration re : ignorance'. There are times I've been on this site and thought 'lawyer' is a dirty word. I just don't mention the fact i have a law degree anymore. I switch off and I LITERALLY tell myself in my head 'you meant well when you studied law'. Because yeah, it hurts to hear people slagging off lawyers like they're all a bunch of 'morally corrupt' individuals.

That said - I can tell you the things I read studying law blew my mind. Opened my eyes. I had no idea how bad it was until I had to read cases like Mabo. People in this country still do not understand the gravity of a case like Mabo. They don't understand the notion of 'native title'. They don't have the faintest clue that there are things in Australia's history that really do amount to nothing short of 'genocide'.

They say things like 'well why should someone aboriginal get benefits?' etc etc. I'm not gonna turn this into a political rant. I can only hope that given where you are and what you see that you know what i mean. It is appalling, yup. And there is only one word I can use to explain how something like that can actually happen :

Ignorance.

Stay strong. The world does need people like you.
 
Thankyou Anni and Superjen for sharing your thoughts.

Anni you are so right about the powers that be. However I did find my small voice could be heard. After many years of working on a remote community I was awarded 2 national and one state award for my work. As terrified as I was,that was my chance to shine and make our voices heard in my speech. I received a standing ovation and politicians came and asked for a copy. I actually find the people at the top sometimes do understand however it is middle management who block it.

I also have faith that God will hear us. I have had bad experiences in churches and living in a commune however that was people not God. I can only pray that my words are comforting,my touch gentle and my compassion sincere so that in this small way a whisper of Gods love will gently rest on those who are so bereft of care.

Superjen,I had a fantastic lawyer who dragged me through some of the worst bullying imanginable. She admitted she did not understand depression however we beat all odds and at least gained an official appology which everyone said was not possible.
Thankyou.
 
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