PTSD And Prison Rape

[entershift]

My girlfriend, through some bail technicality, was sent to prison for a month and a half about a year and a half ago. She said that while there the guards repeatedly entered her cell at night and raped her. She's been known to exaggerate but I would never doubt her sincerity. Anyway, after asking her if she could recount details, she says she can't. She remebers "darkness and pain." She says she remembers it like one would remember a nightmare and she can't tell what's real and false. She calls it "her reality." I feel like repeated gang rape in a prison cell would imprint itself fairlyl firmly on someone; that they would be able to have some concrete grasp of its truthfulness or not. She does get panic attacks once in a while, but never anything sex related. She does complain of anxiety. She says she chooses not to think about it, and that it doesn't affect her. Would PTSD related detail specific amnesia occur with such a blaise attitude towards the events themself.

What can I do, and do you think this is real?

 

[Michel]

I think there is nothing more painful to a victim than having her claims about what has happened to her not believed. It sounds to me like when your girlfriend describes what she calls "her reality," she is describing her experience, her memories, her emotions. When she says she was raped, she is telling you about something that happened to her. Not sure how to put this: it sounds like she is trying to share with you both a claim about a real event (or events) and her experience of that event. There is no inconsistency in what she has said. Without very strong reason to doubt her claim, I would most certainly assume that she accurately reports that she was raped. And yes amnesia regarding trauma-related details can occur with emotional numbing and avoidance.

Maybe seeing if she would be willing to talk to a therapist, maybe you could contact a rape crisis center for advice...

 

[sherry.marietta]

I really like what Michael has had to say, and just to add, sometimes trauma victims remember the trauma in discrete ways. Sometimes we remember smells, sounds, visuals, or emotions. Usually one thing is more prominent, and other elements are missing. For example, someone could remember all the visual information but have no feelings attached to the events, or vice versa. I know it is hard to believe, but the psyche does this to preserve itself as the trauma is too painful.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello,
Wanted to add my two-cents, I have those experiences.

Some rapes I remember, some I don't. I don't remember the first one, while I do remember the 2nd one. I remember the 5th one, while I don't remember the 10th one...and so on.I think I was raped about 15+ times.While I remember 4 or 5. Its hard to explain. I will do my best.... I think of it as "swiss chesse" brain, there are holes in my brain. Its coping. When it comes to the ones I don't remember, I know they happened, because I can 'feel' them. I can feel the emotions attached to the memory, I can feel the pain...the unwillingness of my brain to even go there. When I try to dig at the memory, its like I can feel myself slipping. Otherwise, its like a black hole. I don't know when/where/how...anything. Just who.

Your girlfriend was only in jail for one month, I can completely see how she would not remember them.

However, you said "She's been known to exaggerate..." and that sounds like my mother, who I've caught lying many times. Though, being raped is a BIG claim, do you think she would say something like that if it wasn't true??

 

[entershift]

Thanks for the reponses. The strong reason I have to doubt her claim is a combination of her history of outlandish fabrications and the sheer implausibility if this event. I'm aware that prison abuse an rape by guards is a serious problem, but for a girl on bailhold, such repeated abuses cold not happen over and over again. The guards would have no idea what type of legal representation she had behind her. As well, she says she never had a clear recollection of the event, even the day she left. I don't mean to be callous; in fact I've known of this for a while and have spent days and weeks crying over the pain. And for the previous poster, wre those rapes in jail?

 

[Jade-]

I really wish I hadn't read this thread cause I find myself so pissed off that your girlfriend is reaching out to you and wanting compassion and support and you sound like a total d#ck.

 

[entershift]

She says she doesn't know if it's real or not. Is that common? I can not having full recollection, but not knowing if it was real or a dream? And I'm not being a dick. I'm asking questions on an anonymous forum, not to her.

 

[gdf]

Hi entershift,

Welcome. Not being believed is probably very painful for her and maybe you are also suffering watching her struggle and not knowing what to believe. You're suffering, I am wondering, in two ways: guilt for believing/not believing and for wanting to support her but not knowing how? Here are a few things to ponder:

Did she report the rape/rapes?
Was she able to or did she fear retribution from the guards?
Has she had therapy/is she in or seeking therapy?
Has she talked to a rape crisis center or hot line as suggested above?
Is it possible that even if she has "exaggerated" things before this could be reality and therefore territory for giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Dealing with PTSD is tough and she will need a lot of support. People who don't live in PTSD world often wonder why we do what we do as sufferers. We can seem irrational, hysterical and many other adjectives. Another thought is that you could call the rape crisis line and also seek information. However it unfolds I wish you hope and courage, for both of you.

Gina

 

[gdf]

Jadebear,

Breath easy. Remember he is only seeking answers at this point and trying to figure things out;he is not the one you are angry with. Be gentle, we are all walking a rocky path here.

Gina

 

[catjudo]

She says she doesn't know if it's real or not. Is that common? I can not having full recollection, but not knowing if it was real or a dream?

I'd say it could be possible. It is not uncommon for a person to dissociate during a traumatic event such as rape. You say this was something that went on for a month and a half. It's possible that she repeatedly dissociated and even experienced depersonalization/derealization. It's also not uncommon to block specific memories surrounding rapes.

There's no way for any of us (or you) to know if what she says happened is true. But if you love her, you owe it to her to give her the benefit of the doubt and support her in finding help. If what you're asking is if her account is possible...my opinion would be yes.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I agree with Catjudo.

My mother says my father was abusive when I was young, as I don't remember it, and he will never tell, I base it on what I feel. My instinct says he did. I am at my worst when my father is around.

I would believe it is possible and give your girlfriend the support she needs. Maybe therapy will help bring up the memory's that are lost to her.

 

[reallynow]

There are some memories that I remember for sure, but I'm disconnected from them. Other I know I blocked out, and completely don't remember them at all as though they never happened but the proof is there. Like I saw my dog put into a microwave and the microwave was turned on, I told my mom about this, but today I don't remember the incident at all. I blocked it.

There are also memories with little or shallow emotion attached. Then there are vague "nightmare" memories that I can recall but feel unreal. All normal. I've only told my therapist some of this happened, and if I would see any doubt from her then I'd probably want to kill myself. I even try to think of ways to prove it to her some way, even though she hasn't expressed any doubt in me. Like I almost wanted to show her a printed news article and my birth certificate. Its crazy. Its especially horrifying when you feel like you don't believe yourself, such as those vague or choppy memories.

There is a rule in dealing with trauma victims especially victims of sexual assault, and that is: they always tell the truth. Because the repercussions of being labeled liars when they aren't is worse than the other way around. Its like being re victimized. I do realize there are fakes out there and they make me mad, but most aren't and this is a fact.