PTSD And Prison Rape

[gdf]

Some strong descriptions in this, read with caution.

his is a spot where I get to play my age and experience card. First, this is truly a tough situation. Being lied to is a very personal betrayal when it comes from someone you love. It sounds like you do love her or at least are committed to her. Next, we sufferers all run around in our PTSD states going a little hysterical, being angry, wanting revenge on our abusers, asking why and walking that fine line between crazy and crazier. I was in a relationship when I was in my early 30's and fell in love with a guy and we got engaged. We were "together" for almost three years and once engaged, he started to reveal things to me that were unbelievable (some true and some lies). It was all painful and eventually I called it quits, walked out, returned the wedding dress and the ring. The point is with my mental health I couldn't stand the stress of coping with his crap too because he was on the abusive side and had some serious mental health problems of his own. It was the most painful decision I had to make but I realized that: I could be married and cope with this stuff, never be the only woman in his life and live in a constant state or turmoil form the chaos in his life OR I could break it off, live a more peaceful existence, choose self-preservation and survival and live alone in a more controllable state. The ultimate self-care I suppose.

Personally, I think my "ex" had some form of personality disorder. He would tell me he loved me and couldn't live without me one day being gentle and attentive and the next day gently take my hand and admiringly look a t the engagement ring he bought me and then suddenly grab my ring finger and violently jerk it backwards and laugh sadistically at the pain he had just caused me. Some things just ain't normal human behavior.

In the end, if you are not feeling things are "right" with this woman, she has lied and you don't know what to believe maybe you need to seek counseling yourself about this decision. It sounds like it is raising serious questions in your mind. We don't want to cast stones; everyone's got baggage. How seriously do you want a relationship and how seriously do you want it with her?

Gina

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have to agree with Athena and Superjen...

It comes down to either she is telling the truth or lying.

To be frank:

My former best friend and I had this problem. She claimed that someone at work had raped her ( she didn't use those words, don't remember what word she used, it wasn't rape). At first I believed her, but has the days went by I started to have doubt. People would start to come up to me at work and ask me things like " how can you stand her?", more and more people would ask me things that made me think she wasn't being herself with me. I noticed people started to avoid her. When I think about it, it was always like that. I guess I taken off my rose color glasses where she was considered. I could not ignore the doubt, having been there ( raped I mean) and to see it has lying..my mind could not ignore that. To add to my confustion, she started dating the men who has raped soon after her claim. It was a pure sexual relationship. The night it happened, it wasn't rape, it was an affair. She was worried that her boyfriend would find out, she was worried that maybe he would find out she cheated on him.

I hate to point this out, but one of the reasons its SO hard for those women who have been raped to report it, is because some women will say they HAVE been raped, when they have not. That story about crying wolf came from some where...and to be honest, I don't have a lot of women friends for that reason. They can sometimes try there best to cause trouble, to exaggerate, to start drama.

Did you say she said she was gang raped? Did it leave scaring?

I don't know your girlfriend, or you. I wont tell you what you should do, that's your choice. I think gdf is right, see a therapist.

 

[The Albatross]

Pretty vague but I'm a natural born skeptic... even with my own fragmented memories/flashes. And I have rape from several perps in my history and lost times, blank spots... but I can tell you it was a whole lot more than dark or pain.

 

[The Albatross]

She does get panic attacks once in a while, but never anything sex related. She does complain of anxiety. She says she chooses not to think about it, and that it doesn't affect her. Would PTSD related detail specific amnesia occur with such a blaise attitude towards the events themself.

What can I do, and do you think this is real?

Tough call entershift, I have to say that my sexuality was not affected post rape in any case until I was 40. And I wish I knew how or why that happened but I don't.

Irrespective of the trauma or not, if she is having panic or anxiety attacks she needs a consult if she is willing to address these issues.

Like I said above, I'm a natural born skeptic, even with my own history (where I know it well)... if she's been fast and loose with the truth in the past, I understand well your skepticism. Sadly there are no hard and fast rules of behavior here. Some (myself) for a time, go hyper sexual... it was my way of confirming to myself with two people I was sexually involved with that "I was not dirty"... with their knowledge. I was 27 then. They (my lovers) knew of my difficulty and knew about each other... as I am typically an open and honest person.

But... more to the point, when did the panic attacks begin to occur, what are your issues with "truthfulness", and if she is being "truthful" a "blaise" attitude... can be a type of denial on her part... for a very long time I tried to be normal. I am not. I am celibate in my marriage and have a sexual dysfunction that didn't manifest until well after the event.

A bit mixed in my reaction to your post... but an honest response, a "best I can do" sort of thing considering the topic.