General Christopher Robin (the Disney Movie) and feeling suicidal

[Never_falter2]

Yesterday we watched Christopher Robin (the Disney movie, not to be confused with “Good Bye Christopher Robin“ which seems to be a movie about Milne having ptsd and we never watched it). For those who do not know it here is a quick info: Christopher Robin is a grown up man in the movie, his parents have send him to a boarding school, he is a vet of WWII and he is working to much when Winnie the Pooh visits him.
I am not sure if I mentioned before that vet was send to a boarding school and while he made friends and thinks he got a good education he was also a bit sad about it.
So yesterday we watched Winnie the Pooh and when the kids were asleep my guy said that this movie explained why he was feeling suicidal sometimes and of course I asked him to explain. He answered he could not explain but asked me if I noticed Christopher Robin was a Vet in the movie. I told him: Yes, of course and if he wanted to talk about that. He said no, he did not want to. I asked him what it was he wanted to talk about. He said there was nothing he wanted to talk about. So I asked him “but you are talking to me now. Why? There is something you want to discuss with me?“. He said “Don‘t know“. He told me he was not feeling suicidal right now and then after a while that watching the movie explains ptsd very well. Not the avoidance and hypervigilance part but the rest. I cuddled him but to be honest I am still not sure what he is talking about. Asked him to explain again but he only shrugged his shoulders.
I only watched a movie about a man, Christopher Robin, who is working too much (and my Vet does work too much) and who was send to a boarding school (like my vet was)... but I cannot see a symptom of ptsd in Christopher Robin.
I feel helpless in a talk like this. I do not know how to help him if he cannot even explain to me how he feels... and i really do think that he CANNOT verbalize it or he would have done it by now. He never verbalizes how he feels but when he does, he does it in a very cryptic way and when you ask him to explain he stutters or says dunno or shrugs his shoulders.
It is still very early in the morning over here and he is asleep but I think I will talk about the topic again as soon as he wakes up if the kids are still asleep.

 

[Freida]

nd i really do think that he CANNOT verbalize it or he would have done it by now. He never verbalizes how he feels but when he does, he does it in a very cryptic way and when you ask him to explain he stutters or says dunno or shrugs his shoulders.

I'm thinking his telling you how the movie made him feel -- or even just that it made him feel at all - is a huge win. He knows it affected him. He acknowledged it. He told you it affected him
That's a lot to confess to -- so ya, I'm gonna suggest taking it as a win. It's communication. messy yes - but communication.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I agree with @Freida... he opened up. That’s a good thing. That little bit... even with the dunnos ... is great. Since he said he wasn’t feeling suicidal, I wouldn’t worry.

Maybe watch the film again with the intention of looking for the character’s emotional reactions and/or PTSD symptoms. Sometimes if we don’t know something is significant it’s easy to miss if it’s subtle.

I do not know how to help him if he cannot even explain to me how he feels...

Don’t concentrate on helping as much as listening. He just dropped a big clue in your lap... although a confusing one that’s open to a lot of interpretation. Perhaps after watching again you can ask him some more direct questions that are easier yes or no answers. Ones that he won’t have to explain. Like “when Christoper Robin reacted in X way, he seemed really preoccupied/sad/distant (what have you). Did you ever feel like that?”

I haven’t seen that movie yet, but now I’m curious to watch.

 

[barefoot]

Christopher Robin was a Vet, AA Milne had ptsd...your partner is a vet with ptsd... That’s a pretty strong link in and of itself.

It is not always clear what specific things click for people...sometimes there is just a sense of resonance, of something being relatable...sometimes that can easily be named, othertimes not.

To be honest, I’m not sure why you feel you have to understand all these things. Yes, I know that you find some of his comments cryptic and you are curious to know more. I get that.

But drilling him with twenty questions so that you can understand - because you can’t see any ptsd symptoms in a character in a film - is probably not going to get you very far. If he has said all he is able to say at the moment, pushing him to say more so that it helps you may well lead to more shut down from him.
I know it would me.

In my opinion, you don’t need to understand in lots of detail how and why this film affected him and how and why he identified with it.
And a big part of that reason is because you say you are trying to help him. Which is something that runs through your posts a lot. I get that you care and I know how worrying and frustrating and all sorts of other things it can be when we see loved ones struggling for whatever reason and we feel helpless.

But your mission to always want to find out things so that you can help, even when that means pushing him and making demands on him to explain when he is not ready, willing or able to, feels bordering on trying to fix him to me.

Perhaps try to lay off trying to work out how you use every piece of information to try to help/fix him.
Perhaps just try to accept what is in the moment...in this instance that, for whatever reason, this film struck a chord with him (in a positive/helpful way, it sounds like) and he has opened up and shared that with you. No further action/reaction required from you at this point.

I agree with the others here that this is a win. It’s not the detailed, clearly explanatory, everything now makes sense to you communication that you would ideally like. But he has shared something with you - something vulnerable that touches on his experiences and his feelings. Take that as good progress and stop pushing for more.

Please don’t pounce on him to grill him with more questions about this when he wakes up. I don’t think any good will come of that for either with you.

Just try to focus on the fact that he shared something with you. You don’t need to know or understand more about the impact of this film. He can decide to talk more about it if/when he wants to/is able to. He is probably processing more internally than he has been able to share with you. And it’s ok that he hasn’t shared all the other processing with you.

 

[Never_falter2]

I re-watched the movie like @Sweetpea76 suggested. Bit difficult with kids commenting on everything Pooh does.
There are really things I did not notice before like the fact the war is mentioned several times in the movie. I thought that there were only the war scenes in the beginning to explain his past, but war is actually mentioned several times. Christopher Robin kept his old compass from the war, which Pooh uses the wrong way and it proofs useless and they go in circles in the fog... could be a metaphor.
Also I do think that CR seems to be sad and that he is not close to his family and that he feels responsible for everything for example in the workplace.

I really do not want to bother my vet with thousand of questions and in fact I have not mentioned the topic again so far.


But I do think that a person like my vet who is quiet and sometimes feeling really low and who is cryptic with their words that they need help sometimes but they would not ask for it. He mentioned it because he wanted to talk with me, he wanted me to know or he would not have mentioned... and I am happy he did because I am his wife.

 

[Never_falter2]

I think my vet needs somebody who tells him “I hear you“ instead somebody who thinks “if he has something important to say he will repeat it“. Because often he won‘t... and I think I might discuss the topic with him again later.

I did not edit this to the other post... because it has one like and maybe @LuckiLee did not like what I wrote now. So I decided not to edit post that already have one like (just to make clear why this was not edited to the old post but a ew one).

 

[Freida]

which Pooh uses the wrong way and it proofs useless and they go in circles in the fog... could be a metaphor.

Holy crap Poo is a first lieutenant!!! Sorry --that will probably only be hysterically funny to the other military folks -- but might be good for hubby too

But I do think that a person like my vet who is quiet and sometimes feeling really low and who is cryptic with their words that they need help sometimes but they would not ask for it. He mentioned it because he wanted to talk with me, he wanted me to know or he would not have mentioned.

Sometimes I want to test the waters before jumping in. So ..
I want to talk about it...
wait for reaction
2 hours 2 days 2 weeks later
I want to talk about it...
wait for reaction
2 hours 2 days 2 weeks later
Tell a bit of the story
wait for reaction
2 hours 2 days 2 weeks later
tell a bit more
wait for reaction
2 hours 2 days 2 weeks later
Second guess myself for talking about it
tell a bit more
wait for reaction
2 hours 2 days 2 weeks later
feel a bit better about talking about it.

And ONLY with people I trust and know - because while I try not to drown them in gory details sometimes I slip up. I need to know they can handle it.

 

[Never_falter2]

I am not sure if I got the joke but I think it’s funny.

I do not think my guy has many gory details to tell because he did not see much action.
I think he does not want to burden me with some thing. This is most likely one of the reasons why he does not tell some things... but I think he does not need to be afraid. I really do not like thinking if that kind of things but when my vet needs me to listen that will be a privilege to me and I am sure I will be able to cope.

 

[Freida]

I really do not like thinking if that kind of things but when my vet needs me to listen that will be a privilege to me and I am sure I will be able to cope.

oh this! @LuckiLee and @Sweetpea76 and I'm pretty sure you have tried and tried to beat that into my head -- that for my loved ones it's a privilege when I finally trust them enough to share my story and that they are going to be able to cope.
And yet.
Nope
I just can't.
I cant have them SEE me like that. Knowing these things about me. The things I did to stay alive.

I'm getting better about it -- after being on this site for year and hearing it over and over. But I still can't do it. Imagine how bad it would have been if I had never come here.

guessing your guy is where I was a year ago.....

 

[Never_falter2]

@Freida as you know I am from a different culture and English is not my native language and that I never served and it might be a bit difficult to explain what I mean to say.

If you allow me to I would like to thank you for your service, @Freida. I know that some vets do not like being thanked for their service but I hope it is okay I offfer you my thanks and would be very glad if you accept them.

I know my vet very well and I know what kind of person he is. I know that he has a good heart. I have been with him for so long he wouldn‘t be able to fool me. It speaks from his actions and it speaks very loudly. I see it from the sweet way he interacts for the kids. I see it from the way he thinks hard about the decisions he makes because he wants to make the right decisions. I see it from the way he tries to treat everybody with fairness.

I know that the decision to become a soldier was not an easy one for my husband... but coming from a military family he understood that it was his obligation (we have word similar to obligation in our language that cannot really be translated). He knew that he had what a good soldier needs and that there was a demand in good soldiers. I was a decision made with a pure heart.

I do not know you that well @Freida but I do think you are a good person. On this board you invest time and energy to selflessly help other people. You do so even if you are sometimes not feeling well yourself.

Sometimes good people find themselves in bad circumstances, sometimes they have to do bad things but that does not make them bad people. I know you are a good person. I feel it with my heart and I have a very good intuition.

You do not have the duty to tell other people if things you do not want them to tell. It is your personal choice and I am so sure your loved ones accept any choice...

In case of me and hubby. Like I said he did not see much action... but let’s assume he had to do something bad. In this case he still would be my lovely hubby because I already know he is a lovely person and nothing is gonna change my mind on that.

BTW I think that bad people are never sad about having done something bad because bad people enjoy doing bad things.

 

[EveHarrington]

It’s a reach to say ChristopherRobin has PTSD in this movie.

You’re seeing things you want to see, not necessarily as they are.

 

[Never_falter2]

Yes, maybe the character was not written as someone with ptsd but he was written as a vet and my vet identifies with him and it was important for him to tell me he thinks ChristopherRobin has ptsd.

I have done some reading about AA and CR Milne and there seem to be historical evidence that both had ptsd. Both were Vets. Some think that AA Milne wrote Winnieh The Pooh to explain mental illness to his boy. Eyore has depression, piglet has anxiety and so on...

Actually CR in this movie is not the historical CR Milne. The movie takes much artistic freedom...

But still I thought it would be good to discuss AA and CR Milne with Vet or watch the movie again but he always says “later, later“. Then I say “You do not HAVE to discuss this with me at all“ and he says he WANTS to discuss it but later... and whenever I ask him about it he just tells me “later“. Sometimes I do think that men are very weird.