Relationship Boyfriend in isolation... I had a severe breakdown last night...

[Jay02]

Hi, guys.

My boyfriend has been in isolation for a week now. He's a former Marine who has done two tours. He says he's not a fan of this time of year, and I told him that I will never pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do. I've been sending him messages throughout the day (definitely not going overboard) with a good morning/good night text and then a funny, cute picture of his favorite types of dogs in between. My only reassurance is that his read receipts are on, so when he reads it, I know that's he's still there.

But, last night, I had an emotional breakdown. I'm prone to these when I get very stressed and anxious. With these breakdowns, the negative thoughts begin to settle in, especially when it concerns my boyfriend and our relationship (I mean, I was thinking that he was cheating on me because he wasn't responding to me, and he was reading my texts really late and I woke up this morning finding that absolutely ridiculous of me). Anyway, I cried for thirty minutes and could not catch my breath. None of my close friends understands what I'm going through with my boyfriend, so I come here because every time I do, every single one of you manages to talk me down and help me in any situation that I have trouble in.

I know I just posted a couple of days ago, but I'm trying so hard to remain patient and to be understanding. It's getting really tough, but I'm working through it and I know that he'll come back to me...

Anyway, my questions are for the supporters and sufferers...

Supporters: Have you had breakdowns whenever your S.O. is in isolation? If so, what do you do and how do you deal with it? This is the longest he's been in isolation since we started our relationship a year ago, and I'm unsure of what I can do to help him and myself.

Sufferers: What is it like to be in isolation? I know everyone's different, but all the answers will help me regardless. It'll help me understand my boyfriend more. Also, when you receive messages like "I'm here for you. I'm on your side. I'm in your corner. I'm with you. I support you. I love you." during your isolation, does it help even a tiny bit or does it do the opposite?

All of my friends are saying that I deserve to tell him that this is hurting me too, but somehow, I can't even bring myself up to say that to him because I don't think it's true. Yeah, it's hurting me, but what he's going through is so much worse and I can't even fathom the pain he must be feeling.

I just really, really miss him...

 

[Never_falter2]

I hopeyou feel a bit better today. Well my guy does not REALLY isolate like going to another place... but he sometimes isolates like isolating in our house (which is pretty big and it is possible for him to avoid his family inherit wants to).

What do I do?
First of all I try to keep myself busy so that I do not think that much about it... and that may sound odd: I try to treat him as if he is working.

My husband really often is away because of job. Thesis the nature of his job and I got used to it. When he is away for a job I often give him a little package, the kids paint pictures for him and I add some sweets or a little heart shaped writing pad. Stuff that does not take much room in his traveling back and when he opens it he sees somebody things of him.

He had a time when he spend a lot of time in our house but away from us and was painting and because he also works a lot that made you feel quite lonely... and he had a microwave there... and I used to give him little cakes forthe microwave. In our country we have so little cakes you can cook in a cup in a microwave (I know, I know I have been complaining about his diet but I also do know comfort food makes him feel better).

I told the kids: I think Daddy’s working on a really cool picture and aren’t you looking towards seeing more of him soon.

I try to be busy and I try to be looking forward.... but then like Saidten does not really isolate. He just emotionally isolates a bit. Hope I could be helpful a bit nevertheless.

 

[Jay02]

I hopeyou feel a bit better today. Well my guy does not REALLY isolate like going to another place... but he sometimes isolates like isolating in our house (which is pretty big and it is possible for him to avoid his family inherit wants to).

What do I do?
First of all I try to keep myself busy so that I do not think that much about it... and that may sound odd: I try to treat him as if he is working.

My husband really often is away because of job. Thesis the nature of his job and I got used to it. When he is away for a job I often give him a little package, the kids paint pictures for him and I add some sweets or a little heart shaped writing pad. Stuff that does not take much room in his traveling back and when he opens it he sees somebody things of him.

He had a time when he spend a lot of time in our house but away from us and was painting and because he also works a lot that made you feel quite lonely... and he had a microwave there... and I used to give him little cakes forthe microwave. In our country we have so little cakes you can cook in a cup in a microwave (I know, I know I have been complaining about his diet but I also do know comfort food makes him feel better).

I told the kids: I think Daddy’s working on a really cool picture and aren’t you looking towards seeing more of him soon.

I try to be busy and I try to be looking forward.... but then like Saidten does not really isolate. He just emotionally isolates a bit. Hope I could be helpful a bit nevertheless.

My boyfriend and I don't live together, so he does isolate himself and when he does, he usually stays at his apartment because he doesn't like crowds or can't deal with people. He checks out, basically. I'm doing my best to take care of myself, but I also just really miss him...

 

[Never_falter2]

I see. Is there the possibility to go someplace without crowds or just stay in the apartment or does he also want to be alone?

 

[Jay02]

I see. Is there the possibility to go someplace without crowds or just stay in the apartment or does he also want to be alone?

He usually deals with it alone. I just have to remain patient.

 

[EveHarrington]

Also, when you receive messages like "I'm here for you. I'm on your side. I'm in your corner. I'm with you. I support you. I love you." during your isolation, does it help even a tiny bit or does it do the opposite?

This just adds stress.

We know that you expect more than we can give right now. It makes us feel even more guilty when it’s pointed out to us.

 

[Ronin]

Have you had breakdowns whenever your S.O. is in isolation?

(Sufferer quite usually dating people with the same condition, or similar): No. Isolation does not bother me, itself. Its timing can get a bit uncanny (yo, could we isolate for a month or a few... in different months, so it is bit synchronous when we come out of isolation?. Eventual: Could you be in a state with a wee bit better reception? This signal is soo bugging me. ... What da ya mean, you are in the middle of desert and urban moi is unhearable? Damnit, I thought we had it covered. :D)

So... Technicals. It is not about Us, or The Relationship. I need to be up to speed on what is happening with them. (Or, the best, that nothing is.)

You can view it as him, taking care of himself. And being courteous (and wanting you in his life) enough, to let you know (also in advance, or mid). You can look at it as him trying hard to set everything straight, and come back to you at full capacity. You can look at it as improvement, and time off, time to yourself, as well. Instead of not, and a loss.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The first time mine isolated I was upset because I was confused. I thought he was dead in a ditch or was through with the relationship... I had 200 different thoughts.

Then I learned... It has zero to do with me. He needs to space to feel better. I give him the space he needs without getting upset or taking it personally. I consider it a loving act. It truely, honestly doesn’t bother me at all now. It’s a recognized pattern of behavior. He respects my boundaries about it, and I respect his.

It sounds like you’re having a hard time getting to that point. That’s OK, it’s a learning curve. You can think you’re fine with isolation/giving space in theory, but you may not really be to that point yet. Especially if you’re stressing yourself out about unreturned texts and read receipts and having emotional breakdowns. Texting 3 times a day is still a lot, especially if he’s not responding and it’s upsetting you. I’d almost say it’s more beneficial for YOU to text him less if he’s not responding.

Holidays suck when your partner has PTSD. Last year you guys were fresh into the honeymoon phase and it may not have hit him so hard, but a lot of us kinda “lose” our partners this time of year. With a lot of combat vets it seems to start around Veterans Day and last till after New Years. It’s not a hard and fast thing, but it seems pretty typical.

 

[Mumo]

"I'm here for you. I'm on your side. I'm in your corner. I'm with you. I support you. I love you." during your isolation, does it help even a tiny bit or does it do the opposite?

I'm a sufferer, but not a vet.
It might help a tiny bit, but it would depend on where my head was. But, unfortunately, I would have to say, it adds stress. You see, you are expecting something in return. You will say you are not, but you are. You're expecting a nod of recognition...and he can't give it to you right now, because he's fighting. He can't take his eyes off the ball. And truly, it has nothing to do with you. He's going through something that is nothing you can or want to even try to imagine. Sooo, although you are in his corner and support him, it's annoying. Stop it. It sounds like you are texting him too much. He knows you are in his corner and support him. Don't try to make him take his eyes off the ball. What you don't understand is whatever it is he's facing he doesn't need you interjecting yourself saying, "great job honey, you got this!" I mean, what does that even mean? I don't mean to sound cruel, and I'm sorry you are having to go through this, it's just that he has stuff to work on and face. Don't add guilt, that's just more stress. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it's just the stuff he's trying to work through is hard, really hard. Try to do something good for yourself during this time. I think you shouldn't text him too much.

 

[Freida]

I can't remember if you've seen this but a bunch of people on both sides weigh in on the whole isolation thing...it might help ..

 

[Freida]

What are they thinking
Sorry hit post too fast :laugh:

 

[Mumo]

I get that texting may help you feel closer to him. Maybe when he's not so symptomatic you can ask him if it's ok to text him once in a while as it helps you feel connected.