Fear of Intimacy (with friends)

[Mumo]

Maybe a handshake with your close friends? A handshake, look them in the eyes and smile.

Now, they might get too excited and pull you in for a hug. This happens to me. If you are comfortable with that you can lean in. If it's too long, pull away and say, "ok, that's enough of that right now," and smile or laugh. If you don't want to hug and they start to pull you in for a hug just say, "oh no, please, I'm learning," and smile.

I am having a problem with this, so please be careful. A friend I have known for years came up behind me while I was sitting and wrapped her arms around my throat and squeezed. She hurt me and it scared me. I froze and said nothing. Now I don't know what to do and I'm frightened. I can still feel it now as I type this. Anyway, be careful.

I think your close friends would be honored to help you. I think the key is to keep it light and no pressure. :)

 

[knuckles]

You're welcome @Abstract

I have read three of her books and found them informative and helpful. I like that she offers her knowledge and insights, but does not try to sell it as being *the* solution. She is very focused on empowering and enabling the individual person - and does so using both body and mind.

 

[grit]

I had the hate curse too but god not the touching issue. I had that "do not fffffccckkk" with me too and did not even know it.

My advise to you is this: deal with the hatred part before the touching part. Trust me no one wants to be touched by a person who hates people deep inside. the only way to deal with this hate is finding a therapist that can handle your hatred and can contain it until you can accept this like you accept you have blue eyes.

when the hatred is processes and the lack of love from parents is processed, touching will come naturally.

 

[Deleted member 42984]

I fluctuate between really badly wanting touch and hugs, and then the complete opposite, where I basically want people to piss off and not at all be physically close to me. A friend gave me an imaginary hug over the phone last month, and damn it felt good. Right now I'm in "don't touch me" mode but I really hope it turns around again, cuz the real me wants touch and hugs

 

[hithere]

i had felt for many years that my touch was unwanted, disgusting or potentially harmful.

Thanks for writing this-I see that is a belief I've held since probably toddler years and reinforced throughout a couple decades. It's given me a lot to think about.

I had the hate curse too but god not the touching issue. I had that "do not fffffccckkk" with me too and did not even know it.

My advise to you is this: deal with the hatred part before the touching part. Trust me no one wants to be touched by a person who hates people deep inside. the only way to deal with this hate is finding a therapist that can handle your hatred and can contain it until you can accept this like you accept you have blue eyes.

when the hatred is processes and the lack of love from parents is processed, touching will come naturally.

this is so interesting to read. I was not in therapy at all when I had a complete understanding that I had hatred in me. I treated it like an exorcism, and did a lot of screaming to release it. Changes in my "soul" for lack of better word was noticeable not only by me, but by co-workers and "friends" This hatred thing was really deep and buried and not acknowledged. Just had to share because I remember this realization was a big, big deal for me.