Crazy neighbor moved all my porch furniture and then moved her things in

[KwanYingirl]

Last September I was getting the porch set up for my new puppy. The porch is mine, but right next to the end of my unit is the door leading up into the 2nd floor units. I put up a dog gate and had the -Association president tell me where to put it. He has one for his dog and no one bugs him about it. So I put it up at the edge of my window. This looney tune above me flipped out and took it down and she brought down her beach tote and chair and put it on my porch. I put her crap in front of her door and put the gate where it belongs, she’d sneak down and move it again. This game went on for a day and I said screw this im getting a lawyer. And a restraining order is on the horizon. She almost ran into me and Annie one sunny day I was putting fresh plants into a decorative pot. I sent her an email that I am not going to put up with her violation of my property. I blocked her on my phone and email. It’s taken 3 months to save the money to get the best condo lawyer in the state. He wrote her a good letter telling her she is mistaken if she thinks she has a right to my porch. He wrote about the law and that she is in violation of it. He also warned her about treating me in an overaggressive and antagonistic way which causes me distress and anxiety.

He mailed her the letter certified return receipt on Thursday and so far she hasn’t got it. Monday is a holiday so she’ll get it Tuesday. The lawyer told her that he is directing me to put a fence along my property edge. If she continues to encroach on my property he will advise me to press charges against her.

My anxiety has now morphed into paranoia. She will retaliate. How I don’t know. Her motive is to gain access to my window because she enjoys being a voyeaur.

Three months I’ve just had to give up my porch no one wants her to get angry because one never knows what crazy will do next. I can’t wait much longer. On Tuesday I will move everything back to how I had it before. And then I’ll go to the court and file a Protection from Harrassment order. She’d get that order via sheriffs deputy.

I know I will
Prevail. How does she come off deciding she can use my porch? I am so fearful of what vengeance she will take.

 

[ladee]

I am sorry you are still having to deal with this woman. Hopefully the letter will let her know she has pushed things too far. But a restraining order will put her in jail if she continues. Of course she will get out eventually.

You might want to come up with some plans. More than one. What has she done when someone has stood up to her? That's an awful lot of power for one person to have in your community.

Has she ever gotten physical with anyone or has it just been her acting out? If it's not physical, then ignoring her if you can. I am not a person who puts up with crazy as I have my own crazy. So anything I would suggest would not be good for the long haul.

But you do have the right to get the restraining order, and to protect yourself physically.

All I can do is hear you, support your choices on how to handle her, and hope for the best. Keep us updated.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I’m struggling with anxiety and fear of what she will do next. I had a chat with another unit owner who started off friends with this witch and she just turned on her like a rabid dog. She got fired from her job as a toll booth collector. I mean, that’s not a difficult job, but she never gave notice if she wasn’t going in and was written up for too many times not being on time. The other unit owner served on the Board with her and she said the witch has a vendetta against me. Why? Well she thinks that ms witchipoo wished she had my condo and she got very jealous that I put in a new kitchen. Well, I get to work on time and save money. She could’ve had a better job if she wanted. Just a trail of tears for her.
I’m kind of paranoid. Not in general, just with this person. She does creepy things that are stalking behaviors. But in her defense, that might be my ptsd I mean paranoia is not directly associated with ptsd, but it’s been three months of having to see all my furniture shoved away from where they belong. What nerve and total lack of a conscience. She is a real knob.
I think with my fragility I’m getting a restraining order no matter what. I have to be able to call the police and I need to reveal what she’s capable of. Not a day goes by that my anxiety doesn’t pull my down. Bullies. Waste of a human person.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, my therapist just compared me with my neighbor. He doesn’t know what she thinks. But he stated “she thinks you’re a pain just like you think she is”
What an insult. I can’t believe he’d write that in an email message. Some trauma specialist he’s turned out to be. Excuse me, but “bully” is not a word that anyone characterize me as. I have taken the high road with this neighbor. Waiting until I could afford a lawyer, not escalating anything, I have used restraint, which has been really difficult seeing as my privacy has been taken away, that my furniture is in a pile where she left it. Man, I am really pissed off at his comment.

 

[Sideways]

But he stated “she thinks you’re a pain just like you think she is”

There is nothing about this statement that indicates your t thinks you are a ‘bully’.

In fact, he seems to be saying what you already know: this lady doesn’t like you. You know that already. Your other neighbours have told you about her negative attitude towards you, and even reflected on why she might feel that way (she may be jealous of you).

Unless there’s more in your T’s email which suggests otherwise, your T seems to be doing nothing more than telling you something you already know: this lady doesn’t like you.

 

[Friday]

What an insult.

Or maybe just a reminder not to expect a reaction to being served like

- the betrayal of a friend (how could someone I liked & trusted, respected & admired not just come to me and have a conversation, but is serving me with a legal letter to desist & protection orders??? I would have been reasonable if yooooou hadn’t been so blah blah blah)

- über-rational “Oh I never really understood this was YOUR porch, now that I see the error of my ways, let’s be besties!”

- vengeance of the truly unhinged “burn your house down, kidnap, rape, torture, shot in your sleep”

Neither blaming yourself (nor allowing other to blame you), idealizing, or carastrophizing.

Midline approach. You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. Expectations along those lines, rather than extremes in all directions?

 

[ladee]

@KwanYingirl, it didn't sound like he was 'comparing' behaviours, it sounded like you are just what he said.

She has been a pain for you for a long time. She apparently feels the same way. You did NOT act like her, you took the high road. But it doesn't change the fact you don't like each other.

Please keep in mind how anxious and overwrought you are right now, from this going on for so long, and having to make the choice to get a restraining order to help you feel safe.

It sounds like she just likes to make a lot of noise and tho loudly and to anyone who will listen, it certainly doesn't mean he was saying you are like her at all.

I know this has been hard. Try to do some grounding with this. It helps you to be centered and make good choices for yourself.

She will get her registered letter, you will get the restraining order, and things should calm down. You've done much much better with this woman than I would have!!! So be proud of yourself!!!

 

[KwanYingirl]

This woman is a master gaslighter. My mistake has been to try and ignore her rants and tantrums for way too long. Two of the other unit owners have reached out to support me because they, too, have been her targets. When I had had it with her cyber bullying, I blocked her phone and email and this really pissed her off. This is when she appropriated my porch. Meanwhile, she’s driving my neighbor nuts too and we decided to ghost her. I wasn’t getting emails or texts, but he would forward the ones she sent him and try as I might, I couldn’t get away from her. My neighbor gave me money to help pay the lawyer because he owns the porch on the other side of the building and we needed to get a solid legal opinion on what exactly the law defines as exclusive rights to the porch adjacent to our units. She claimed the whole porch was common, which means any owner has use of it. It was never a matter of discussing how to share the space. She literally moved all my furniture into a corner while I was at work, and filled that space with crap, old broken chair, buckets, trash, broken shovel, rocks (yes, rocks). The chair was placed under my window giving her access to stare into my condo, one of her favorite pastimes. She has a private porch attached to her unit by the way. Long story short, she has no legal rights to the porch adjacent to our units. Only the use of the entryway into her unit. The law is very clear about this. While waiting until I had enough money for a lawyer, I tried to avoid looking at the porch or thinking about it, but me neighbors would report to me how she was encroaching on the space. It wasn’t helpful to me to be reminded of her behavior. I decided in October, after trying to reason with her, that I would let my lawyer deal with her, and if his words fell on deaf ears, then to a judge. To expect me to tolerate her appropriation of my private space is totally unreasonable. Those of us on the receiving end of her behaviors that are fueled by anger, know how I feel. They don’t have ptsd though and only live here seasonally. She and I are the only year round owners. We will prevail legally, but that doesn’t mean she will behave.
So it triggers my ptsd. I sent my t an email that I was hurt that he equated me with her, a bully with an anger management problem. He called me and apologized for the wording of his message. When he read how he framed his thoughts he could see how it suggested that I was just like her. I am nothing like her. But that’s all moot now because the new owners of the building his office is in installed new carpeting that was glued down. So I won’t be able to breathe in there for months. Ugh. Reactive airway disease. He told me I could email him updates, but it’s not like actually having a therapeutic relationship where he can help me process this shit. So it’s all just a bundle of hassle. Hopefully by next week I will have my porch back,

 

[KwanYingirl]

I took back the porch. My anxiety is half of what it was two hours ago. All these people telling me to wait till the lawyer wrote his analysis of the law. It was so hard to have restraint. But I made it. It looks better out there. I’m just glad I finally got to reclaim my space.

 

[Friday]

I took back the porch. My anxiety is half of what it was two hours ago. All these people telling me to wait till the lawyer wrote his analysis of the law. It was so hard to have restraint. But I made it. It looks better out there. I’m just glad I finally got to reclaim my space.

Woohoo! Go you go! :D

 

[blackemerald1]

Regarding not being able to speak to your therapist - you could skype with him - until the glue dries or goes off?

Well done for working on this problem. Are you still going to get the Order in case she continues to misbehave?

I'd probably drop her furniture off the porch onto the street... :oops:

 

[KwanYingirl]

@blackemerald1 i like the way you think. It’s taken all my will power not to smash her snooping chair into splinters. She leaves it next to her door and inches it closer and closer to my window where she stands to snoop into my window, but if I catch her she always has some stupid thing she says she doing. Like caring for a long dead plant or stacking clam shells.
I have no plans on getting the Protection order. I’m feeling back to normal now that the issue is resolved to my satisfaction. I’m sure she’s not happy, but she dug her own grave. I have so much evidence of cyber bullying to the porch fiasco and other issues. I wouldn’t hesitate to get one if she displeases me.
She disappeared Tuesday night and hasn’t been seen since. I hope she’s driving back out West.
I learned a lot about stress and especially how difficult it is for me to be rational under stress. I read the book on DBT and the author spends a long time on skills to help stay is wise mind, the center of rational mind and emotion mind. If I am activated, my emotions go off like fireworks and I get stuck. People say ignore her, or you can’t control her, but you can control your response to her. I can’t do that. When I’m gone, I’m gone. This has been me for as long as she 12.
So I’ve decided to commit to meditation as an aid to assuage my anxiety. Insight is an APP that has many different ways to meditate along with courses you can take such as a 30 day chant meditation that I’m going to start tomorrow before work. I find it difficult to stay focused on my breath with typical meditation. My mind wanders constantly. So I’m hoping a chant will settle the noise in my mind.
Then I’m also going to
Process what the he’ll was going on when I was 12 or 13. It’s when I told my grandfather to get out when he snuck into my room since I was 4. I changed then. It’s when my self destruction started. I should’ve been proud of myself for kicking him out, but alas, all it did was make me hate myself. So that’s my plan going forward.