News GP on trial for sexual assaults

[blackemerald1]

Hey @barefoot - no problems focusing on your work commitments. :) I think that is a healthy way of dealing with the entire issue of this perpetrator doctor and his court case actually.

It just says, “Mention in the case of

A Mention hearing is simply the first time the defendant has been called to the Court to appear. He may go unrepresented.. in which case it is likely the court may see if he wants legal aid or his lawyer will be in attendance with him (the defendant).

If he pleads guilty on that day the Judge can hear the matter and sentence him.

The Prosecutor will read out the charges, the defendant admits guilt (usually by way of a lawyer) and then the substance of the charge or precis is read to the Court.

The defence then make a oral submission saying whatever they believe the Court should know about. The Judge then sentences.

If he pleads not guilty (much more likely at this stage) the Judge will adjourn it to a date that the Court, Prosecution and Defence agree to. Bail if there is any, is extended to the next date. Other legal matters of a administrative matter may be broached at a Mention hearing also particularly if it is designed to clarify charges, costs, representation - stuff like that.

In some Jurisdictions the defendant may reserve his plea or not enter a plea at this stage and simply ask for an adjournment.

Then everyone goes home until the next date which may be a further mention hearing, Committal Hearing or a full contest whatever is decided and agreed upon.

But I guess I still wonder whether I should have lodged a

This is something that may plague you unfortunately. It is amazing how hard we are on ourselves about this type of thing. Yes you could have put yourself through a terrible ordeal and reported it to the police, medical review panel etc., But your matter would have had to been verified etc., it would not have simply been listed as a complaint. There is a process for doing that and it isn't ever easy for the victim.

So it's not possible to simply report a matter and leave it at that.

There are many people who elect to report and end up re-victimised all over again.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Abstract - that’s helpful info re what processing is. In which case, I think you’re right and that I definitely haven’t processed my historical trauma - including this doctor stuff - otherwise I don’t think I would be having such a reaction to it now.

I’ve started another thread in the therapy section asking for ideas around *how* I actually process things...what’s the difference between talking about something with a T and actuallyprocessing the experience/memory to progress healing from old wounds. Because, if I bring this up with my T (which I’m feeling like I probably should, before the verdict because I’m not really dealing with it very well at this point, now) I’m keen to know what I need to be doing differently in sessions.
I don’t mean how do I do her job for her. But knowing how I make the jump so that I can create some shifts when I’m with her would be really useful.

The work stuff went well, thanks. Quite a relief, And hopefully that will lead to more work with that organisation. Fingers crossed!

@blackemerald1 Thanks for all the legal info - it’s helpful and reassuring.

And yes, there is a tendency to be hard on ourselves about such things. I’m not really sure why that is...why we do that to ourselves...

 

[barefoot]

I spoke to T about this briefly last week. In that, I spoke about how I was feeling a bit obsessive/overly invested in this case and that I didn't think that (my constant researching and checking on the internet etc) was helping me because I seemed to be deliberately seeking stuff out, which was then triggering me and creating a lot of anxiety. She said "anxiety" is a broad term and that, what I'm describing is obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. Ok then...so I am having obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours...?!

She said about containing it and I said I don't feel very contained about it...so she suggested I set limits for myself around when I'm going to look things up and how long I spend on that etc. Hardly rocket science and I feel a bit stupid that someone else has had to suggest that and that I could have bene containing it myself for all this time but that I haven't been because I'm obviously rubbish at that and instead allow these things to spiral...but simple isn't necessarily easy, hey? I have been out and about and quite busy this week, so not just at home getting sucked into internet research. So, I think that has helped.

T said that she thought it was actually a good sign...that I am shifting towards readiness to engage more with my own related experiences.

For now, there is no mention of the case again...things have gone quiet again...I'm googling and googling but there is nothing...so I google again and, of course, there is still nothing...Writing that make me think I'm probably not setting my limits very well if that's what I'm doing!

T is keen for us to spend some time talking about the loss of my mum. She thinks the verdict in this case may create a natural turning point in my work with my doctor-related historical stuff, so we can wait and see where that takes us. I think she is also thinking that we should perhaps address my mum's death before launching into trauma stuff? I don't know. I have no idea how long it may take for the verdict...

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @barefoot I really glad you started to talk to your T about this case.

A bit of disclosure here... I have done a lot of searches in relation to trauma similar to my experience so you are not alone by a long shot. I also think a lot of other people have done it too.

I seemed to be deliberately seeking stuff out, which was then triggering me and creating a lot of anxiety.

When I do it, and I try quite hard not to. I feel disgusting afterwards. Triggered and sick. I am pretty sure that's a normal. I am like a moth to the flame sometimes...and I still don't know why.

Ok then...so I am having obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours...?!

Maybe your googling has advanced from the curiosity level to something you feel you need to do? If so, why do you need to know what is happening with this case? Are you vicariously living out what may have happened if you had reported your abuser?

.but simple isn't necessarily easy, hey?

Agreed, it isn't easy to abstain from googling stuff. It takes planning, constructing distractions and don't rely on self-discipline too much because humans really suck at the self-discipline thing especially if we are acquiring something we believe we need.

of course, there is still nothing...Writing that make me think I'm probably not setting my limits very well if that's what I'm doing!

You have good insights barefoot. You can see the process you are putting yourself through. It's easier to adapt and make strategies when you are aware of what draws you in. The why may be harder to figure out but that's for a T.

For myself, I have banned myself from searching for the perps or similar trauma on the internet.
But it comes barrelling at me from the newspaper and the telly and sometimes from the mouths of people I meet.

At times I feel like it is all raw, and again in perpetuation my trauma is renewed. That feels terrible. In some respects in reality it is but it's just not happening to me. And I think that is what you could tell yourself each time you do a search or hear or see a report of this similar type of trauma happening... 'it's not happening to me!' Idk it may help a little.. I think it does for me but I do feel the urge to search out things.. a little like a craving.

Your desire for information regarding this particular doctor and his offending may be quenched when you find a result/verdict but be prepared that it could then continue on with another doctor/accused etc.

Is this the first time you have started taking notice or searching for this type of offending in society?

we should perhaps address my mum's death before launching into trauma stuff? I don't know. I have no idea how long it may take for the verdict...

The legal system can be so excruciatingly slow - it may be yet years from a verdict. It depends very much on whether he pleads guilty or not guilty. There are so many things that must align before a verdict can be determined. Then he may appeal...and if successful...the verdict and or his sentence may be set aside and it may start all over again. :wtf: What if he is found not guilty? Or his sentence is trifling and not commensurate with his offending in your eyes? Too many variable's to wait imho. Don't waste your life waiting on the legal system to deliver much. I know I sound cynical - :sorry:

But I think you may be on the right path with addressing your bereavement before moving on. In the happy circumstance that this perpetrator gets dealt with in the meantime... that would be a great outcome too.

 

[Abstract]

I think for me various forms of triggering stuff has felt compulsive at times. Watching related documentaries or tele, researching. Sometimes I have thought its a way to try to control those experiences. Others Im really not sure what is happening, Sometimes I have even felt I need to some connection outside myself as have been so isolated in this stuff for so long. Maybe almost a simultaneous attempt to make it real and distance it. Complex.

At times I do think it has served a purpose and others there has been a lack of regulation or self care on my part. Lack of self caring limits. It must be another sign that you are more ready to start facing your experiences. Sometimes stuff comes up and demands attention and maybe that is what you need to address. Something to consider. And sometimes we can deal with different aspects of it at different times as they arise. Like peeling an onion. Its very unlikely much is going to happen for a long time with this stuff though so it may be best to let that sink in. Regardless of if you decide to discuss these experiences now or later. Or some now and some later. Same goes for your mum. Lots of "sometimes" there.

 

[barefoot]

Sorry again for my delayed reply...I keep forgetting I’ve written something here...then revisit a while later to read through the thread again and then see that I posted again and have also since received some replies! Sieve-head at the moment!

@blackemerald1 - thanks for normalising some of this. A moth to a flame is certainly a good way of describing it.

Maybe your googling has advanced from the curiosity level to something you feel you need to do? If so, why do you need to know what is happening with this case? Are you vicariously living out what may have happened if you had reported your abuser?

Yes, I think it does feel like it’s become a “need” to know. I’m not really sure why... I’m not sure if it’s about what would have happened if I’d have reported it...occasionally a “what if” has crossed my mind about that but it isn’t something I’m generally preoccupied with and I don’t generally feel bad about nnot reporting/wish I’d reported.

humans really suck at the self-discipline thing

Yep!

Is this the first time you have started taking notice or searching for this type of offending in society?

I go through stages where I get very interested/obsessive about looking this stuff up...in the news, on court websites, looking up legal definitions of different sexual assault charges, finding tv programmes with related themes etc... Other times I am completely avoidant and I won’t read the newspapers, I’ll turn the tv over if something even slightly related comes on, I’ll walk away from conversations that are even vaguely touching on something...I think I can be a bit all or nothing with it.

This particular case, I happened to see it on the lunchtime news when he was arriving at court for the start of his trial and it was like a switch was flicked in my head and I just immediately started a research frenzy and it hasn’t died down. Looking the stuff up is triggering and anxiety-making...but I feel so compelled to do it. I feel like there is some sort of urgency around it but don’t know what/why.

Sometimes I have thought its a way to try to control those experiences.

This may be it...

Maybe almost a simultaneous attempt to make it real and distance it. Complex.

And this makes sense too, I think...

It must be another sign that you are more ready to start facing your experiences. Sometimes stuff comes up and demands attention

Yes, this is what I’m wondering. It feels like it’s leaping up and down, waving to attract my attention so tha5 maybe I’m supposed to...do something...?!

 

[Abstract]

Hi @barefoot. I am dealing with a deadline and some health issues so shall come back and chat. Hope you are doing OK. It sounds like progress maybe.?

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Abstract Yes, I think maybe some progress...

Sorry to hear about the health issues. Hope you’re doing ok.

 

[Abstract]

Yes, I think it does feel like it’s become a “need” to know

Looking the stuff up is triggering and anxiety-making...but I feel so compelled to do it.

It feels like it’s leaping up and down, waving to attract my attention so tha5 maybe I’m supposed to...do something...?!

How are you doing? In my experience (which may of course be totally different) most of my mind wanted to keep away from things. But then some part of it wanted to deal with the stuff. It felt obsessive and almost beyond my control. The pushing it down wasn't totally working any more. What would happen if you just listened to it and let yourself speak through what is coming up? With your t.

 

[barefoot]

Yes, I can relate to what you wrote there @Abstract - the inner conflict of partly wanting to avoid, avoid, avoid vs partly wanting to face into it and really address it...and yeah, it does feel like I am obsessing and not really in control of it sometimes.

That said, I have been quite busy with work stuff these past couple of weeks so have had quite a lot of distractions, which has been useful as I haven't been able to keep ruminating or looking stuff up. I'm trying hard not to let it take up too much time - or head space really - as I am quite up against it with a couple of new work projects and I don't want to mess up those opportunities by being distracted/triggered/useless!

I honesty don't know what is coming up in that I don't know what I'd say about this stuff that I haven't already told her. But I suppose that goes back to my previous post on another thread about 'talking about' vs processing. I imagine if I went in to session this week and said I want to talk about the historical doctor stuff, she'd say ok and I would then sit there mute while a tumbleweed blows through the room as I try to think of what to say about it! I suppose, if I tried that, something may come up in the moment that I don't have in my mind just now. And I also suppose it's sort of her job to help guide me a bit if I say I want to talk about something but then get stuck on what to say.

The other challenge with addressing this in therapy is that I feel there's so much I could be getting into in sessions at the moment that it almost feels that there is too much and I don't know where to start.

She has suggested we spend some time on my mum (to process grief/the loss/the shock) but I feel stuck on that too as right now I have no idea what I'd say about that either. But then I get that I'm meant to be feeling, not necessarily saying...and that all just feels...bewildering at the moment.

Sorry...I'm rambling...I feel a bit overwhelmed and unfocused about it all at the moment...I don't really know what to do for the best...

 

[barefoot]

This just popped up on the TV news.
He's just got 10.5 years.
Ex-GP jailed over patient sex assaults

 

[blackemerald1]

Hell of a lot of victims. I'm hoping they find some sense of peace now. Hoping he doesn't.